Foster Parent Well
Jump into "Foster Parent Well with Nicole T Barlow," where the adventure of Christian foster and adoptive parenting gets a little easier, a lot more joyful, and deeply fulfilling. Nicole's here with a mission: to guide you in parenting with a heart full of steadfast faith, unshakable endurance, and infectious joy.
This podcast is your cozy nook in the vast world of parenting, blending laughs, learning, and lots of love. It’s where self-care meets faith-filled encouragement, and mindset shifts help you navigate the rollercoaster of fostering and adopting. For every parent out there looking to refill their emotional and spiritual tanks, Nicole's got you covered with stories, tips, and expert advice that speak directly to the soul of a Christian foster or adoptive parent.
With "Foster Parent Well," it's like sitting down with a good friend who gets it—the highs, the lows, and everything in between. Nicole dives into the unique challenges and beautiful moments of parenting children with trauma, all while reminding you that taking time for yourself isn't just nice; it's essential for providing the stable, loving home these kiddos need.
So, why not make this journey together? Join Nicole and a vibrant community of faith-driven parents, all dedicated to transforming their lives and the lives of their foster and adopted children. Tune into "Foster Parent Well with Nicole T Barlow" for your weekly dose of encouragement, laughter, and wisdom. Hit subscribe, and let's start fostering and adopting with faith, endurance, and a joy that lights up the room.
Foster Parent Well
Transforming Challenges into Blessings in Foster Care
How does one nurture hope and resilience in children who have faced profound trauma? Join me on this heartfelt episode of the Foster Parent Well podcast as I share intimate and candid reflections on the emotional complexities of fostering and adopting traumatized children. Through personal stories from my own family, we confront the lingering effects of trauma, especially during life's critical transitions. Yet, amid these honest discussions, we anchor ourselves in the comforting promises of faith, drawing inspiration from Isaiah 61 to embrace joy and gratitude even in the most challenging times.
In a special focus on gratitude, we shift our perspective to appreciate the blessings within the foster care journey. I convey my deep thankfulness for the tough seasons, the unique joys my children bring, and the unwavering support from other foster families. Together, we explore the transformative power of keeping a gratitude journal and encourage each other to recognize the abundance in our lives. Your stories are invaluable, so connect with me on Instagram at Nicole T Barlow or via the link in our show notes. Let's uplift one another with our shared experiences as we close with a prayer for guidance, wisdom, and an outpouring of love and joy in our communities.
Connect with me on Instagram: @Fosterparentwell
@nicoletbarlow https://www.instagram.com/nicoletbarlow/
Website: https://nicoletbarlow.com/
Welcome to the Foster Parent Well podcast, where we have real candid, faith-filled conversations about all things foster care, adoption and trauma. I'm your host, nicole T Barlow. I'm a certified parent trainer, a certified health coach and an adoptive parent myself. This is a space where you can find support so that you can care for your kids with a steadfast faith, endurance and joy. I want you glad that you're joining us today. It's been a crazy week here at the Barlow household, but I wouldn't have it any other way. Today we're going to be talking about our attitudes.
Speaker 1:You may get a little bit of a rant from me about trauma and resilience, because it's been a tough week, but it has caused me to consider my heart, posture and attitude. I don't know if it's the transition to summer or what, but how is your week going so far? I know we have been in the thick of it, and do you ever just get mad at the trauma, at the effects of trauma? So often I think as a society we want to glaze over the effects of trauma on kids. We hear people say things like kids are resilient, kids are tough, they will recover and our kids do adapt. But that's very different than being resilient and overcoming right. This has been one of those weeks for us, actually one of those days, where trauma is hitting us head on and we've been reminded that kids are not that resilient. Trauma has big consequences, really big consequences, consequences that many times aren't easily fixed or resolved.
Speaker 1:So we took our kids a sibling group of five in 2016. For those of you that don't know, we took our kids as an adoptive placement, so termination of their parents' rights had already been granted before we got placement of them. We got placement of them in 2016, and our adoption was finalized in 2017. Before us, they were in several different foster homes, several of them were. They were separated from one another during a season of their time in foster care and they experienced a lot of different adverse childhood experiences before they came to us. We are now many years later and most of our kids have been with us far longer than they were with their biological family or in foster care, but the trauma they experienced doesn't just go away.
Speaker 1:Sure, there are improvements in a lot of areas, but it seems like, as our kids enter different stages of life, the impact of their past trauma tends to show up at these pivotal moments and create a bit of chaos for them. I mean different childhood stages and transitions are hard enough without previous trauma history. I remember when my biological son went through several key points in his development the challenging threes or adolescence or the transition to adulthood. All of those transitions came with bumps in the road. Or thinking back to my own childhood and the challenges of middle school I mean, who remembers middle school and moving away to college? Those things were all a really big deal. But for our children with extensive trauma history, those bumps can sometimes feel like mountains.
Speaker 1:We're in a season of that now. Our teenagers are becoming adults, our littles are becoming preteens and teenagers and the challenges that we have walked through the past several years are shifting to be new challenges and it just feels like this season is very weighty. I tend to be a bit dramatic anyway, but the challenges that we faced when they were little seem so much heavier at their ages now and there are parts that feel kind of defeating thinking that we had worked through certain themes of rejection or shame with certain kids. But those things seem to be coming back around in this new season with these new stages of development. I've seen it in myself too that my own childhood trauma and false beliefs seem to pop up in these moments of change and transition for me, and I too have to continue to work on my mindset and my thought processes.
Speaker 1:Y'all it's exhausting Sometimes. I just want things to be easy for a change. I mean, why can't things just be easy? Can I tell you the hardest part? When I look at friends or neighbors or church family and there are so many families that don't have the challenges that we have and there are so many families that don't have the challenges that we have there are moments when I take my eyes off of Christ and I play the comparison game, and when I sit there, I tend to sit in a place of grumpiness and complaining. I've kind of been there today saying my life is hard, my kids' lives are hard, they have so much up against them, things that are no fault of their own, that they've had to overcome. It's just not fair. When I take my eyes off of eternity and simply look at the right now, I tend to only see the hard Friends. That's not where we're supposed to stay. Comparison is the thief of joy. Sure, we need to be honest about the hard. We need to have people that we can go to, including Jesus, to say I hate trauma and today was really tough, but we aren't meant to sit there. We've been called to something that's hard, but everything that is worth anything is going to be hard.
Speaker 1:Let's look at Isaiah 61. Isaiah 61 says the Spirit of the Lord, god, is upon me because the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives and the opening of the prison to those who are bound. To proclaim the year of the Lord's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, to grant to those who mourn in Zion, to give them beautiful headdress instead of ashes. The oil of gladness instead of mourning. The garment of praise instead of a faint spirit. Gladness instead of mourning. The garment of praise instead of a faint spirit. This is what Jesus has done for us. Jesus came to set us free. He came to bring good news. He came to give us gladness instead of mourning. He gave us to give us praise instead of a faint spirit. What a blessing that we have been given this. But then it goes on to talk about what we are to do. It says that they, us, may be called the oaks of righteousness, the planting of the Lord. That he may be glorified. They shall build up the ancient ruins, they shall raise up former devastations, they shall repair the ruined cities, the devastations of many generations.
Speaker 1:You guys, this is foster care. I remember reading this passage one time and I just thought this is what we've been called to do. We have been given this gift of freedom, but with that freedom comes a responsibility to share that with others. We have been called into our communities, into our cities, where there is so much brokenness and devastation, and we have been called to bring hope there, right. We have been called to step into the devastations of many generations, to bring hope there, right. We have been called to step into the devastations of many generations to bring hope and love and healing. I mean, anybody that's been in foster care for any amount of time has seen that foster care is generational in so many situations. A lot of the kids that come into our home, their biological parents a lot of times were victims of trauma or they were in foster care themselves. Our communities are broken because of trauma, because of unhealed trauma, right, and so we have been called to repair these ruined cities. We have been called to repair the devastations of these many generations. We have been given a freedom and a love and a hope that we can take to others, but those changes to generational lines don't come easily.
Speaker 1:Making changes and being an agent of hope in your community does not occur without some resistance. You are the front lines, and that's going to be hard. The amazing thing is, though, that in all of those hard things, god is actually using them for our good. They are not for nothing, they are for our good too. Romans 5, 3-5 says Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that our suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts. And then, in James 1, 2-4, he says count it all. Joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness, and let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete. Lacking in nothing, god has a plan in the heart. It is not for nothing.
Speaker 1:I remember my life before Jesus. From the outside, it probably looked a lot easier than my life now looks, but it was so much harder. I was without joy, without hope, without purpose. Nobody should have to walk like that. Ease doesn't always equate with happiness and joy. Sometimes ease is empty and alone, and nobody should have to walk through life alone. I watch my kids and their struggles and there are times for them that are really tough. But can you imagine how hard it would be for them if they didn't have safe adults and parents walking alongside of them? Can you imagine if they had to face all of this alone? So while the challenges do not just go away because they've been adopted into a family, a challenge is totally different when you aren't alone in it. Kids need to know love. They need someone to tell them their worth. They need to be able to see and experience hope. That is our purpose. We are making sure that our children don't walk alone.
Speaker 1:Trauma stinks and I don't think we should sugarcoat things and pretend that it doesn't. But our lives are so rich and we get a front row seat to the glory of God as he does His work among us. Not many people get to see the miracles that we do. Not everyone gets to see the impact of real love. Not everyone gets a front row seat to the transformations that some of us get to witness. What a gift we have been given.
Speaker 1:So today I'm choosing gratitude. I choose to be thankful for the calling on my life. I rejoice in hard seasons. I am grateful for my kids and the other families that have come into our lives through our place in foster care. I am blessed to be where I am and I choose to keep my eyes on what I have instead of what I don't. Will you join me? What are you thankful for today? What miracles have you gotten to see up close and personal? What kind of work has God done inside of you in this process?
Speaker 1:I urge you to write this down today. Keep record of it so that you can look back on it on those hard days, and then let me know. Some of these things Reach out to me on Instagram at Nicole T Barlow, or you can now send me a message through the link in the show notes. I would love to hear your experiences. I know that they would encourage me as well. If you don't mind, also, would you take a second to subscribe to this podcast so that you don't miss an episode, and then take a minute to leave a review. I'd really appreciate it. It helps the podcast get seen by new foster and adoptive families and it gives me feedback on how we're doing.
Speaker 1:As we close out today, let me pray for us, dear Heavenly Father, thank you that we don't walk alone in the hard. You are with us, guiding us every step of the way. You have set us free. You give us guidance and wisdom and discernment, and you comfort us in our suffering and our mourning. Lord, help us take the hope that you have given us. Help us take the love that you have given us out to our communities. Help us be filled up with your joy and your love so that we can pour out on others, so that we can pour out on our kids, so we can pour out on their families, so we can pour it out in our communities. God, we love you. We trust you.