Foster Parent Well is the go-to podcast for foster and adoptive parents who are navigating the complexities of parenting children with trauma while trying to stay sane in the process. Hosted by Nicole T Barlow, a foster and adoptive mom of six, parent trainer, and wellness coach, this podcast is where faith, resilience, and practical strategies come together.
If you're feeling burnt out, overwhelmed, or just plain exhausted from the daily realities of foster care and adoption—you're not alone. Here, we have real conversations about the hard stuff: attachment struggles, secondary trauma, parenting beyond behaviors, and the deep emotional weight of loving kids from hard places. But we also talk about you—your health, your nervous system, your faith, and the small, sustainable ways you can care for yourself so you can keep showing up for your kids.
Expect practical tips, faith-based encouragement, expert insights, and zero sugarcoating—just real, honest talk about what it takes to foster well, adopt well, and most importantly, stay well in the process.
Because parenting kids with trauma is a marathon, not a sprint—and you were never meant to run it alone.
Welcome to the Foster Parent Well podcast, where we have real candid, faith-filled conversations about all things foster care, adoption and trauma. I'm your host, nicole T Barlow. I'm a certified parent trainer, a certified health coach and an adoptive parent myself. This is a space where you can find support so that you can care for your kids with a steadfast faith, endurance and joy. I want you to, Nicole T Barlow. We just wrapped up Labor Day weekend.
Speaker 1:
My husband and kids just got back from a long weekend away when they went to visit his family out of state. So he tries to do that three to four times a year at least as a way to really care for me. I am an introvert and I really need quiet space to think and process and recharge, which can be really tough when you have a lot of kids and loud kids at that, which can be really tough when you have a lot of kids and loud kids at that. So we try to be intentional about regular times for me to either get away or for them to leave and to leave me home alone so that I can recharge and be at my best. My favorite is when I'm left at my house in my own space alone. I just think it's so helpful. If you don't currently have something like that in your regular routine, I highly recommend it. If you don't have a spouse, look for a friend or family member that may be willing to give you some time away.
Speaker 1:
Well, today we're going to talk about some tangible ways to live out what we say we believe through foster care and adoption. As believers that profess faith in Christ, we want our lives and our actions to reflect what we say we believe. But I know sometimes it can be so easy just to fall into the ways of culture and forget that we are supposed to look different. So the first way that we can live out what we say we believe is just by saying yes. James 1.27 says Pure religion is this to look after the orphan and the widow in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. It can be so easy just to get involved in our daily lives work, school, church, friends, family, sports, etc—and forget that we have been called to a bigger mission. We have been called first to serve God and His kingdom and, yes, we can do all of that in the midst of our daily lives. But there are also things that God calls us to do. That requires that we lay down our own lives in order to serve others. This is a big deal. This is how you show others you believe Foster care and adoption are not easy.
Speaker 1:
It requires that you lay yourself down, to be at the mercy of a system and other people, to subject yourself to sit under a magnifying glass in everything you do, to release your grip on control and to open yourself up to grief and loss. And the list goes on and on and on, and people will want to know why are you doing all of that? Right, it goes against the grain and it goes against our culture, but it demonstrates the heart of God. Hear me that the heart of God is not that kids would be taken from their homes and their family, but rather, when that happens because of the brokenness in our world, that no child would be left alone and vulnerable, that his church would stand up and fill the gaps with hope and love and sacrifice. His word calls us to this, and if we believe his word is true and his word gives life to this, and if we believe His Word is true and His Word gives life, then our lives and our actions should follow suit.
Speaker 1:
Now, many of you listening have already done this. You've already stepped out in faith. You are already a witness in this way. I urge you to be bold when you share with others about why you're doing this. Be bold in proclaiming the gospel. Be bold in telling people about the God that loves and offers hope to a people that are hurting. But once we've stepped out to answer that call to serve, we have to realize that how we serve matters.
Speaker 1:
This brings me to the second way that we can live out our faith, and that is how we serve and interact with our children and the children that come into our homes. We are ambassadors of Christ. That means we don't act on our own behalf, but as a representative of Jesus. When we interact with our kids, we should be demonstrating the love and hope and authority of God. I gotta be honest Even though I know all the techniques and methods and approaches, I'm not always great at actually putting them into practice. I'm not always the best ambassador. When our kids mess up, we should pull them close to us instead of pushing them away. We should be gentle with our words, slow to anger, quick to listen. We should err on the side of connection and attachment and look at the heart instead of behaviors. We interact with, not just our kids.
Speaker 1:
So my third point is to reflect the love and grace of God to everyone we encounter, whether it's a birth parent who views us as opposition or a case manager that we don't feel is respecting our time or our schedule. We have the opportunity to give grace. Let your light shine before others that they may give glory to your Father, who is in heaven. We have called to be the light. You have been given a unique opportunity to show love and hope to a whole lot of people today that may not see those things very much. You have the chance to make a difference and to be a friend to someone that may need it. How are you going to use those opportunities?
Speaker 1:
Today we do not fight against flesh and blood. The system and the people within the system are not our opponents. They are not our opposition. We are called to join with them to fight against the darkness that is not of this world. We are called to fight against fear, brokenness, injustice, trauma, depression, anxiety, loneliness all of these things that are not of God. It may not be easy, but the call to take up your cross and lay down your life was never meant to be a life of ease. If you believe his word and if you believe that those things are truly your calling, you need to trust that they are there for your good and his glory and they will bring life to you and to those around you. This is a way to live out what you say you believe.
Speaker 1:
No-transcript. This isn't actually the last way. There are lots of ways to do this, but this is the last way that I have on our list today is to walk in victory. We know the end. We don't have to get caught up in circumstances and temporary situations. When we walk in defeat, we're walking in a way that's contrary to what we say we believe. Now let me clarify Grief and loss and lament are not the same as defeat.
Speaker 1:
We are called to be a people that mourns with those that mourn, and sometimes we are the ones that are in mourning. It is good to grieve and lament and process hard things. This is not the same as defeat. For me, walking in victory has meant changing my definition of victory. Victory doesn't mean that everything ends up with a pretty bow wrapped around it. It doesn't mean that everything turns out the way that I want, but I can trust that ultimately everything will turn out how it should, and maybe I don't even see the fulfillment of some of those victories, but I can trust that they are coming.
Speaker 1:
Where is your hope currently? Are you looking to things of this world, circumstance, events, to be satisfied? And maybe, where you find your joy, are you looking to the people around you to celebrate you and validate you, or are you depending and leaning into God, the maker of heaven and earth, for those things? I know I get it backwards sometimes, but ultimately I know that I am the most joyful and the most free when I am looking only to him. He will give you comfort and joy and satisfaction beyond what you could ever dream of. So let's step out and walk in that belief.
Speaker 1:
Today Let me pray for us as I close out our time together. Heavenly Father, be with us today. Fill us with joy and comfort and belief. Lord, help us believe where we don't we believe. Help our unbelief. Let us cry out to you those words Lord, fill us with your Spirit so that we are able to walk out what we say we trust. Lord, help us to trust more fully in you and your purpose. Help us not look to the things of this world. Help us not get caught up in our culture and our daily task and miss you along the way. Lord, help us be salt and light to our communities and to our families, and help us to share the love of Christ with everybody around us. We love you.
