Secrets to Better Sleep for Parents and Children

What if you could transform your sleep quality and wake up feeling truly refreshed? Discover the secrets to healthy sleep habits and routines that can make this a reality. Nicole dives into the importance of sleep for foster and adoptive parents by creating routine like morning activities like walking outside and getting sunlight, as well as evening habits such as limiting food intake after certain hours and using blue light glasses. Personal tips, like listening to a sleep time devotion and tracking sleep patterns, are shared to help you create a restful environment. Plus, join the conversation on Instagram at Nicole T Barlow and share your sleep tips, as Nicole reveals her favorite sleep items throughout the week. Let's achieve better sleep and well-being for our entire families together.

Music/Storytime for kids: 
https://music.apple.com/us/album/the-word-and-song-listening-bible-genesis-exodus/594001132 

https://music.apple.com/us/album/kingdom-chronicles/598265773

https://music.apple.com/us/album/coldheartica/920524795

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Transcript

Speaker 1 0:09

Welcome to the Foster Parent Well podcast, where we have real candid, faith-filled conversations about all things foster care, adoption and trauma. I'm your host, nicole T Barlow. I'm a certified parent trainer, a certified health coach and an adoptive parent myself. This is a space where you can find support so that you can care for your kids with a steadfast faith, endurance and joy. I want you to you're here and I hope that your week is off to a great start.

Speaker 1 0:59

The past couple of weeks have been very hectic for me. We've had some big changes for our family and, ultimately, while they have been really really good changes change is always really hard. On top of that, we've just been super busy. My husband has been traveling quite a bit for work. I was at TBRI practitioner training for a week, which was amazing. Our house is on the market week, which was amazing. Our house is on the market.

Speaker 1 1:28

There's just a lot of balls up in the air at one time and you know what has suffered? It's my sleep. I can definitely tell a difference when I'm not getting enough rest. It plays out in my productivity, in my patience, in my immunity. If you can't tell, I have a little bit of sinus stuff going on right now. It plays out in my immunity If you can't tell, I have a little bit of sinus stuff going on right now. It plays out in my attitude, in my ability to joyfully meet my family's needs, and the list goes on and on and on. Well, last night I broke down and used a sleep supplement that I have tried out from time to time when I'm really struggling, and I slept like a baby. That rest has made all the difference. Stick around to the end and I'll tell you a little bit more about it.

Speaker 1 2:10

But proper rest is essential. If we're going to do hard things all day long, we need to have the energy and endurance to keep up. But there's so much as a foster or adoptive parent that keeps us from our sleep. So let's chat about some ways to work through those things so that we can get better rest. First off, we all know that if our kids don't sleep, we don't sleep. So let's start there.

Speaker 1 2:38

Sleep can be such a difficult time for children. I mean, think about it. For kids that may generally not feel safe because of their past, sleep is a very vulnerable time. It could leave you susceptible to harm because you're not awake and on guard. And for some of our kiddos, it may have been the time of day where they were in the most danger. It's also a time where things are quiet and you are left with your own thoughts. I mean, isn't that what keeps you up half the time? If there are anxieties or worry or fear, in the quiet may be where they pop up the most.

Speaker 1 3:18

So how can we empower kids to get better sleep? Number one is to establish a routine. Routine brings safety. It helps the brain know what to expect when, night after night, our kids do the same thing. That leads to bedtime. It signals to the brain that rest is coming. I'm sure that most of you already have some sort of nightly routine in place for your kids, but think through each part to make sure it feeds the result that you want. Maybe kids are allowed to watch a show at night before bed, but it may be best that after that show they have some other things in place to help them wind down from that blue light and that screen time activity.

Speaker 1 4:01

The second thing I want to talk about is to work in bringing in felt safety. If you've been working on attachment with your child and you have established yourself as their safe base. Sleep may be hard because it's time away from you, so if a kid is really in a season of struggle, you may find ways to be nearer to them. Adoptive parents may be able to create a pallet on the floor in our own room, but foster parents have more restrictions so you may have to be a little more creative. But you could still sit in the hallway next to their room or something until they fall asleep. One of the things that we did for one of our kids was to put a two-way baby monitor in her room, or you could do like a walkie-talkie or something, but it was a way for her to reach out to us if she was nervous in the night and we could respond back to her through that baby monitor to reassure her in the moment that we were still there, even though she couldn't see us.

Speaker 1 5:08

Food is also something that could bring felt safety for some of our kids, so you could do a high-protein snack that helps them feel full right before bed. Or we have even put a mini fridge in the room of a child that needed the comfort of knowing she had access to food when she was hungry. You could also just let them take a granola bar or something with them at night, in case they get hungry during the night. Just find a way that brings them comfort. We had a child that would wake up and take sweet snacks from the pantry in the middle of the night with them and working through what the need was. It wasn't food insecurity or hunger as much as it was that food. Sweets especially helped this child feel safe when he felt anxious. So in a case like that, maybe it isn't a whole snack that they need, but maybe like a Hershey's kiss or something small, if they were to wake up and that little sweet would be enough to ease their mind in the middle of the night and I know some of you are thinking that will ruin his teeth and things like that, but felt safety in these moments is so important.

Speaker 1 6:28

There are times when, in order to bring felt safety, we've done some things that originally I wasn't so sure about. One of those things was monster spray. So we had a young child that was scared of monsters at night and my first inclination was just to try to help him see that there weren't any. But then a therapist just told me to go with it and every night spray his room with monster spray. So each night we sprayed down his room with a spray that consisted of a couple of nighttime relaxing type essential oils to keep the monsters away, and y'all. It worked like a charm. The problem solved and, no worries, it didn't last forever. This child is now a teenager and no longer needs monster spray, but for that season it is what he needed. So sometimes we may have to step back from our kind of preconceived notions about what things we think or we thought things should look like, and really step back and figure out okay, what do I need to do for this child in this moment? Okay, the third thing that we're going to talk about for kids is similar to felt safety, but this is to help them calm their thoughts.

Speaker 1 7:48

Thoughts in the quiet of the night can be so loud, especially if you have a child that tends to be anxious or worry. Part of our nighttime routine with our younger kids is to do a devotion. They do a devotion with my husband. They talk about taking thoughts captive and the truth of who they are and who God is. It's a time to connect with their dad and for them to feel seen and heard and valued. Before they go to sleep at night, before they enter that quiet space. We want to fill their mind with good and with truth.

Speaker 1 8:27

When our kids were even younger, one of the best purchases that we ever made is several wireless Bluetooth speakers, so we set one in each one of their bedrooms and we played stories and songs at night. This gave them something to listen to and think about as they were falling asleep, so they weren't just letting worry and anxiety take over in those moments. I'll link to some of the stories and songs that we love for those bedtime moments in the show notes, but one of them is several albums. That goes through the whole Bible. It alternates stories and songs for kids. It was great. Our kids learned so much and they fell asleep better.

Speaker 1 9:14

There will, of course, be some seasons when our kids just don't sleep, such as when they're infants, or maybe they are a child that has just arrived in our home, and in those seasons we just have to do the best that we can and sleep when we can, and maybe hire a babysitter or get respite so that we can take a nap. But in seasons where you're able, stay curious as to why your child is struggling to sleep, so that you can try to find a solution to whatever their struggle may be in that moment. Now let's talk about our own sleep routine. If you are anything like me, you love moments of quiet, and if, by chance, you get the kids to sleep when they are asleep, it might be your only time to get some quiet. So I stay up, I watch TV, I hang out with my husband, I read, I work. There's so much you can get done when it's quiet, but most of the time that doesn't serve me well the next day or in days to come. So how do we make our own sleep a priority?

Speaker 1 10:22

For me, the key to good sleep starts in the morning. Morning is when I walk outside and I work out, when our hormones are working the way that they should. Cortisol is highest in the morning. It's our kind of get up and go. So when I use that to my benefit and get in the sunlight and exert energy and movement in the morning, it helps my circadian rhythm, it helps my body wake up in the moments that my body is supposed to be awake, and it helps my body wind down at the end of the day and rest at night. Another thing I do in the morning is that I've switched to an organic coffee that has a third of the caffeine of regular coffee, so not totally decaf, but helping me not to be so reliant on caffeine. I also try not to drink caffeine after lunch and I think that helps me at night too. Then in the evening I stop eating about four hours before I go to bed and I try to limit liquids one to two hours before bed. That means I'm not having to get up and go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. I lower the lights after dark, which helps signal to my brain that it's nighttime. And I do watch TV at night, but lots of people limit screen time or wear blue light glasses to help limit the blue light exposure, to help limit the blue light exposure at night. That blue light can trick your brain into thinking it needs to be awake. I've even heard of people buying red light bulbs for evening time to help that circadian rhythm, to help their brains understand that it's time for bed. To help their brains understand that it's time for bed.

Speaker 1 12:11

Sometimes I will listen to a sleep time devotion on an app that I have which helps my mind rest. It helps quiet the other thoughts in my head and turns them to the Lord, which is really where I want my mind to be. Quieting. The thoughts, though, is often the hardest part. I think about my previous day, my failures, what needs to be done the next day, ways that I can help the kids, our schedule, their futures, etc. This is when I have to actively give everything over to the Lord. I need the Holy Spirit to give me peace instead of that anxiety. And those anxieties do creep in, don't they? And in some seasons this flows easily. In my current season, where things are super hectic and my brain is in overdrive, I might occasionally need some additional help to go to sleep.

Speaker 1 13:05

So I don't use a lot of supplements, as I really try to get what my body needs from food and the environment, but there are nights, like last night, when I just need to sleep. I've been trying to sleep supplement, and it helps me sleep like a baby. Honestly, you guys, it's a drink, kind of like a hot chocolate. I do the mint chocolate one, but I think they have a whole bunch of flavors, but I drink my little cup of hot chocolate, and 30 minutes later I am out for the night. The incredible thing, though, is the quality of my sleep is amazing when I do take this supplement. Again, I'm not huge on supplements, I would not take this every night. I'm not huge on supplements, I would not take this every night, but it was very neat to see how much more REM and deep sleep I got when I did take the supplement and I woke up feeling amazing, aside from the sinus stuff that I have lingering. I will leave a link for you to get $30 off your order if you want to try it. As with any supplement, though, make sure that you check with your doctor first to make sure that it would be good for you and your body. All of our bodies are different and we handle different supplements differently, so be sure to check with your doctor first. Supplements differently, so be sure to check with your doctor first.

Speaker 1 14:30

So, the way that I track my sleep I have an Aura ring that I got this year that helps me track the amount of sleep that I get, but it also helps me track the quality of my sleep, which has been really eye-opening. I thought I was getting lots of sleep because I was kind of counting that time. Like when I went to bed, I was counting that as sleep time, but I hadn't fallen asleep yet. My Oura Ring really helped me track it more accurately. It's been amazing. I highly highly recommend it if you're trying to track your sleep or see what's going on. The other thing that it helps me do which is kind of a side note not sleep related, really, but, um it helps me see my stress resilience, like how, how fast my body and my heart rate recover from moments of stress throughout the day Um, and it helps me be a little bit more intentional about practices to help my body manage stress throughout the day. So I love my Oura Ring. It's amazing.

Speaker 1 15:34

The main point of all of this, though, is to be intentional. Find what works for your kids. Find what works for you. When all of you are sleeping for long enough and you're getting quality sleep, you can start your day off on the right foot and really put your focus where it needs to be, instead of overcoming that nagging tired feeling that tends to take over everything. I would love to know your best sleep tips for your kids or for you. Find me on Instagram at Nicole T Barlow and message me with your favorite tips and tricks. I'll also be posting some of my favorite sleep items on my stories this week, as always. If you're enjoying this podcast, let me know, leave a review and subscribe so that you can be sure to catch new episodes as they come out each week.

Speaker 1 16:27

As we wrap up, let me pray for us, father. Help us get quality sleep each night. Help us to take time away from the work and the toil, lord, just to let our brains and our bodies rest. Help us to trust in you in those moments to meet our needs and to help us recover. Holy Spirit, give us peace at night, calm our anxious thoughts. Help us to put everything into your hands and give us discernment as we work to meet our kids' needs, so that they are able to sleep well at night as well. Lord, we love you. We trust you In Jesus' name, amen.