Foster Parent Well
Jump into "Foster Parent Well with Nicole T Barlow," where the adventure of Christian foster and adoptive parenting gets a little easier, a lot more joyful, and deeply fulfilling. Nicole's here with a mission: to guide you in parenting with a heart full of steadfast faith, unshakable endurance, and infectious joy.
This podcast is your cozy nook in the vast world of parenting, blending laughs, learning, and lots of love. It’s where self-care meets faith-filled encouragement, and mindset shifts help you navigate the rollercoaster of fostering and adopting. For every parent out there looking to refill their emotional and spiritual tanks, Nicole's got you covered with stories, tips, and expert advice that speak directly to the soul of a Christian foster or adoptive parent.
With "Foster Parent Well," it's like sitting down with a good friend who gets it—the highs, the lows, and everything in between. Nicole dives into the unique challenges and beautiful moments of parenting children with trauma, all while reminding you that taking time for yourself isn't just nice; it's essential for providing the stable, loving home these kiddos need.
So, why not make this journey together? Join Nicole and a vibrant community of faith-driven parents, all dedicated to transforming their lives and the lives of their foster and adopted children. Tune into "Foster Parent Well with Nicole T Barlow" for your weekly dose of encouragement, laughter, and wisdom. Hit subscribe, and let's start fostering and adopting with faith, endurance, and a joy that lights up the room.
Foster Parent Well
Embracing Gratitude: Seeing the Blessings in Foster Care and Adoption
Could gratitude truly be the key to transforming the chaos of foster and adoptive parenting into moments of peace and resilience? Join me, Nicole T Barlow, as we challenge the conventional approach to parenting stress by embracing gratitude as a divine stress reliever. This episode explores how consciously choosing gratitude, even in the toughest seasons, can not only rewire our brains but also strengthen our spiritual resilience. Through personal stories and reflections, we journey through the sacred, albeit challenging, path of foster and adoptive parenting, where every obstacle is an opportunity for growth, and every moment of connection with our children is a gift.
As we navigate the blessings and lessons inherent in the foster care and adoption journey, we find ourselves celebrating grace, patience, and unconditional love. These transformative experiences teach us to focus on the beauty within brokenness, acknowledging God's faithfulness and the small victories that enrich our lives. Together, we'll explore how gratitude shifts our perspectives, deepens our faith, and forges a stronger bond with our community and children. Let's commit to cultivating a spirit of gratitude daily, recognizing the unique privilege of guiding our children as they grow into the individuals they're meant to be.
Happy Thanksgiving!!!
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Welcome to the Foster Parent Well podcast, where we have real candid, faith-filled conversations about all things foster care, adoption and trauma. I'm your host, nicole T Barlow. I'm a certified parent trainer, a certified health coach and an adoptive parent myself. This is a space where you can find support so that you can care for your kids with a steadfast faith, endurance and joy. I want you to foster parent well. I'm your host, nicole T Barlow.
Speaker 1:It's the day before Thanksgiving and if your house looks anything like mine, there's probably a weird mix of chaos and holiday magic happening. My kitchen smells like cinnamon and maybe something slightly burnt because, let's be honest, not everything turns out like I want it to. Thank goodness, my sister-in-law and brother are the ones that host Thanksgiving, and I'm really only responsible for a few things. Now I know some of you are also running around trying to pull everything together. You're juggling kids and casseroles, and maybe even an episode of family drama or two, or maybe Thanksgiving isn't quite this warm, fuzzy picture filled with family and loved ones for you at all. Wherever you are today, I want you to know this episode is just for you.
Speaker 1:Today we're talking all about gratitude in the hard seasons. Gratitude sounds really great in theory, but what happens when life gets overwhelming, when it's messy or when it's not at all what you expected? That's where things get real. In this episode, we're diving into why gratitude matters, how it impacts your brain and body, and what it looks like to cultivate gratitude even in the toughest seasons of foster and adoptive parenting. We're going to keep it practical, faith-filled, and we might even add a little bit of funny, because laughter is basically free therapy, right? So grab your coffee, hide from the laundry for a minute and let's dig in. Let's start with the why. Why does gratitude matter, especially in seasons that feel overwhelming? Well, when we choose gratitude, something remarkable happens in our body and brain. Gratitude literally rewires your brain by strengthening neural pathways associated with positivity and resilience. So think of it like a workout for your mental muscles. The more you practice gratitude, the stronger those pathways become, and it makes it easier to notice the good, even when life feels hard.
Speaker 1:Gratitude also triggers the release of dopamine and serotonin. We've talked about those on the show before. Those are feel-good chemicals that boost your mood and calm your nerves. So it's like God built in a built-in stress reliever right into us. Choosing gratitude tells your brain hey, things aren't as bad as they seem and your body responds by relaxing a little. So, from a nervous system perspective, gratitude activates the parasympathetic nervous system, which is your body's kind of rest and digest mode. This mode is the opposite of fight or flight, and all of us are far too familiar with fight or flight. Right, when you're in fight or flight, your body is on high alert and it pumps out stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline, because it's not just your kids that go into fight or flight mode, you do as well. So while these are great for emergencies, staying in this state long term it can lead to burnout, exhaustion, even health issues. Gratitude is the thing that shifts your body back into a state of calm. It reduces those stress hormones and kind of gives your mind and body a chance to recover, and kind of gives your mind and body a chance to recover. Isn't it amazing how God designed us? It's like he knew we'd need a way to kind of recalibrate in the middle of these hard seasons.
Speaker 1:But let's get real. Practicing gratitude is a lot easier said than done, especially when you're in a tough season. Foster and adoptive parenting can come with layers and layers and layers and layers of challenges and sometimes the weight of it all just feels impossible. It can be really hard, just being honest here. It can be really hard to be thankful for cases that linger in the system for way too long. It can be hard to be thankful for the case manager that never returns your call, or for meltdown after meltdown after meltdown, because, well, I mean, just think about this season that we're in right now. Trauma and holidays don't often mix well right. So the truth is, gratitude doesn't mean that you're ignoring all of that. It's not slapping on a fake smile. It's not pretending everything is fine. It's really choosing to see the good in spite of all of that hard. It's saying God, I don't understand why things are so tough right now, but I trust that you are still good.
Speaker 1:Philippians 4, 6 through 7 reminds us do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, present your request to God, and the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. He will give you peace. You aren't responsible for cultivating that on your own right. He will give it to you, and the reality is that the hard is often God's grace to us. I was reading in Luke this week and I was reminded that pride, which is something that so easily creeps into our hearts, right, it keeps us away from God. It is actually the hard things in our lives, these hard things that we face, that usually draw us closer to him. It works that pride out of us. These hard things humble us and they remind us that we can't do all of this alone, right? So these hard things are a gift, and gratitude, you guys in the hard, is a direct blow to the enemy. I mean, just think about it. The enemy thinks that these hard things are going to turn us away from God. And when they instead turn us towards God, when we can not only praise God in the midst of the hard but also be thankful for the hard, can you imagine the blow that that is to the enemy? Now, I know some of you are listening and thinking. Nicole, I can barely keep my head above water. How am I supposed to even think about gratitude? Friend, I hear you. If you're in survival mode right now, let me give you permission to breathe, like right now. Take a minute to breathe In and out.
Speaker 1:Gratitude doesn't have to be big or flashy. It's not about creating this Pinterest perfect moment, right? It's just sometimes like saying a quiet thank you, lord when the baby finally goes to sleep for their nap, or smiling at your child when they do something small but sweet, even if the rest of the day has been a mess, when they do something small but sweet even if the rest of the day has been a mess. Or thanking God for your morning coffee and the five minute of peace it brings. Or even if it doesn't bring peace but you still get morning coffee. We can take a second, as we take that first sip, to say thank you Lord. I am so thankful for this cup of coffee. Those small wins matter. They're proof that God's grace is woven into the fabric of your every day.
Speaker 1:And listen, I will say this too, especially because we're in the holiday seasons, like part of what we have to let go of is other people's expectations of us and the expectations that they put on us. We don't have to create this Pinterest perfect life right? Extended family and friends. They may have opinions about how you're doing Thanksgiving or how you parent, but here's the deal you don't have to meet their expectations. Your priority is your family, not Aunt Sue's idea of a perfect turkey, or Uncle Joe's unsolicited parenting advice. Right, you are doing hard things that most people don't know anything about. We can give our families grace, but keep our focus on our calling and the blessings that come with it. Now I know you're thinking, nicole, blessings. Did you see the morning we just had? And I get it. The challenges are real, but so are the blessings if we take the time to see them.
Speaker 1:First, let's talk about the blessing of your purpose as a foster and adoptive parent. You are stepping into a sacred calling. James 127 reminds us that religion that God, our Father, accepts as pure and faultless, is this to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. You are living out God's heart for vulnerable children. That's huge. You are a vessel of his love, his care, his redemption. You are doing, though, messy and exhausting and often unseen. You are doing kingdom work. That's a big deal, friends.
Speaker 1:Second, there's an incredible gift of witnessing transformation. You get to see transformation happen up close and personal. Yes, there are challenges. Yes, that road is long. That transformation doesn't happen in an instant most of the time, but think about the moments when your child feels safe enough to let down their guard, or when they achieve something that maybe they didn't think was possible. Or maybe it's a smile where there used to be fear, or a connection that seemed unreachable at some point. These moments are like glimpses of God's handiwork and you get to see it up close.
Speaker 1:You're not just a parent. You're part of their healing journey. Then there's also what our children teach us. Let's be honest. Our kids have a way of growing us in ways we didn't necessarily know that we needed. They teach us patience, compassion, humility and how to love unconditionally. They stretch our hearts and they remind us what really matters. Gratitude as a foster or adoptive parent isn't just glossing over all of the hard stuff. It's about acknowledging the blessings within the hard stuff. Here are some of the things to reflect on.
Speaker 1:First is the gift of perspective. Think about how your perspective has changed through all of this. I know if your journey is anything like mine. This journey has given you a unique lens to see the world. I see the world totally different than I used to. You understand the battles that some people face just to survive because you've seen it in your kids. You understand grace because you needed it yourself in ways that maybe you didn't understand that need before and you understand what it means to fight for love, even when it's really, really hard. And can I tell you something? When you understand what it is to fight for it, I feel like we appreciate it more. We can appreciate it more. Then we can be thankful for the beauty of connection.
Speaker 1:Think about the moments when your child finally lets you in, when they call you mom or dad for the first time, or when they reach for your hand, or the times they just let them see. They let you see their authentic selves. These moments are sacred and not everybody gets to see them. We can be thankful for the support that we have around us and our communities. So, whether it's a spouse, a friend, church, community, fellow, foster parent, we can be thankful for the people that stand with us in this journey. And I'll tell you, if you don't have those people I talked about this in the last episode but if you don't have those people, pray for it, because they are God's provision for you. God will give you community. Just pray for it, and then we can be thankful also for the opportunity to be the hands and feet of Jesus. What an incredible privilege it is to be able to model some version of God's love. You guys, we're not going to do it perfectly and our kids may not see it yet, but every act of kindness, every boundary we set, every prayer you whisper, all of these things are planting seeds of hope and love and healing, and you know, it's my prayer that Even the things that are unseen have an impact way beyond what I can even imagine.
Speaker 1:So here's a couple of questions that you can ask yourself in order to kind of reflect on your own journey and maybe come up with a list of things that you can be thankful for. So think through what has God taught me through this journey. Write it down. Think through what has God taught me through this journey. Write it down, keep a running tally, because what you will learn will change from season to season. Think about what moments of connection can I treasure today, really, looking at our kids, what moments can we take to have them help us bake cookies, or just to ask about each other's day, really to focus on gratitude as a family? How do we cultivate that? How do we treasure each and every day with our kids? We can ask ourselves how has my family grown through these challenges? Because challenges do grow us, all of us. So how have we grown? And then what small victories can I celebrate and write them down?
Speaker 1:A lot of times we forget how far we have come, how far our family has come, how far our kids have come, because we're not looking at the big picture. We forget where we started, right? So write all of those things down so that you have quick things you can go to to be thankful for. Remember the blessings in this journey aren't they're not always big or obvious. Sometimes they're just little, quiet whispers of God's faithfulness. I can't tell you how much my faith has grown over the years just because of small moments where I have learned to trust and rely on the Lord. Over and over and over again and over and over and over again, he has showed up for me and it has built my faith in huge ways over the span of our foster care and adoption journey.
Speaker 1:So I know it's not easy to always focus on blessings and gratefulness when things aren't going well. It's easier to focus on the tantrums, on the hard conversations, on unmet expectations, and there are times that we need to look at those things. We do need to grieve those losses of unmet expectations right, but when we shift our focus to gratitude, we start to see beauty in the middle of all of that brokenness. Think about the Israelites. So they're wandering in the wilderness, right, and they're grumbling, always grumbling, about what they didn't have. But God was providing manna for them every single day. They just had to look for it. The same is true for us. God's blessings are there, even in the hard seasons. We just have to slow down long enough to notice them, and sometimes that can be the hard part. Your child's story, your family's journey it's all a part of something bigger and that, my friend, is something to be deeply thankful for. So, as you head into Thanksgiving, I want to encourage you. Choose gratitude, not because life is perfect, but because God is faithful. Look for those little sparks of joy, even in the moments of hard, and remember you are doing better than you think Now.
Speaker 1:Speaking of looking ahead, because the new year will be here before you know it, let's talk about your health. My six-week health coaching group kicks off January 6th and this Black Friday I'm offering $50 off to help you start the year strong. My group is all about equipping you to take care of your health body, mind and spirit. We focus on nutrition, movement, supporting your nervous system so you can show up for your family the way that you want to. The discount code and all the details are in the show notes, so don't wait. Plan now and set yourself up for success in 2025. All right, friends. That's it for today. Remember, gratitude isn't about perfect circumstances. It's about choosing to see God's goodness even in the mess. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving, give yourself grace and don't forget to grab that Black Friday deal. I'll see you here next week, same time, same place. Happy Thanksgiving.
Speaker 1:Let me pray for us as we close out today. Let me pray for us as we close out today. Heavenly Father, thank you for the blessings of foster care and adoption. Lord, thank you for calling us into this work. Thank you for giving us the opportunity, lord, to reflect your glory in our world and in our community. Thank you for pulling us in to do hard things, for calling us to things that are bigger than us, where we have to learn to rely on you. Lord, thank you for the gift of our kids. Thank you for the up-close view that we get to get to know our kids, to get to know who they are, to watch them become the people that you have created them to be. Lord, thank you for that front row seat to that. It is such a blessing. Lord, help us to be more focused on our blessings and to give gratitude every single day. We love you, jesus. We trust you In Jesus' name, amen.