Foster Parent Well

Fostering Compassion: The Heart of the Father

• Nicole T Barlow • Season 2 • Episode 33

Share episode

Send us a text

The episode dives deep into the challenges foster parents face, emphasizing the necessity of grace for both parents and children. It explores the importance of self-care amidst stress and the transformative power of faith through the story of the Prodigal Son. 

• Sharing personal struggles with stress and parenting 
• The vital need for self-care among caregivers 
• Insights from the Prodigal Son story and its relevance 
• Encouragement to embrace God’s unconditional love 
• Strategies for managing stress and health as a parent 
• Invitation for community support and prayer interactions

Verses to read over:
Psalm 107:8-9
Romans 5:8
1 John 4:16
Psalm 86:15
1 John 3:1
1 Chronicles 16:34
Zephaniah 3:17
1 John 4:19

6 Week Coaching Program: https://www.fasterwaycoach.com/?aid=nicolebarlow 


Connect with me on Instagram: @Fosterparentwell
@nicoletbarlow https://www.instagram.com/nicoletbarlow/
Website: https://nicoletbarlow.com/

Speaker 1:

Welcome to the Foster Parent Well podcast, where we have real candid, faith-filled conversations about all things foster care, adoption and trauma. I'm your host, nicole T Barlow. I'm a certified parent trainer, a certified health coach and an adoptive parent myself. This is a space where you can find support so that you can care for your kids with a steadfast faith, endurance and joy. I want you to, Nicole T Barlow.

Speaker 1:

I gotta be honest, you guys, this week has been a doozy for us at my house. Not sure if it's the weather or being inside more, or if we're still recovering from our transition from the holidays. Yes, I do know it is the end of January, but this week has been really, really hard and I generally do okay with one or two hard days and I can usually remain calm and regulated and patient and logical, but I feel like it's been coming at me full force for a couple of weeks now and I'm starting to crack. If this is your first time listening to the podcast, welcome. I am the mom of six kids, five of whom were a sibling group that we adopted from foster care. So we only have four still at home now, as they are all growing up super fast, but my younger kids really give me a run for my money. I try to remind myself, you guys, that I am human, that I have limits. My body, my mind, my heart is not meant to take an unlimited amount of stress, but it's in these moments where I see the true darkness of my heart. I see my flaws, I see my humanity, I see my weakness and I feel a lot of shame when I don't handle something the right way. I mean, my kids have been through so much already. I don't ever want to be the one to cause them more pain because I was like insensitive or short with them or something. And I don't want to say the wrong thing or to be impatient, but those moments come, I mess it up and listen. I do think we should be held to a higher standard. We have stepped in to help kids who have experienced grief and loss, and that is a huge responsibility that needs to be taken seriously and really handled with care. But y'all, there is also grace and I'm trying to practice that grace for myself. I don't do that well. I can model seeking forgiveness and model repair when I mess up and remind my kids that adults mess up too, but it is so hard, so, so hard.

Speaker 1:

A couple of years ago, when we would have had a week like this, I would have had a full-blown anxiety attack or gone into a depression. There was a season where I just wasn't giving my body what it needed to be able to handle this amount of stress and it would absolutely take me down. You see, I think this is part of the parent training for foster parents or adoptive parents or whatever. That is not talked about enough. We do really deep dives into what trauma looks like in kids and how to help them manage and work through it through things like nutrition and movement and breathing and different supplements, but we don't really look at those things for ourselves, like we never really learn how trauma, even secondary trauma, affects us as the caregivers.

Speaker 1:

And for me, I didn't see how much the stress was affecting my body until it was absolutely taking me out. So I had gained weight, my blood pressure had gotten to be sky high, my hormones and my mood was all over the place. I had started to have sensory issues, so mainly a sensitivity to sound. And you guys, yes, I am that person who tells my kids to turn down the radio so that I can see when I'm in the car. I know it makes no sense, but the sound has really gotten to where it gets to me and I can't concentrate or pay attention when there is too much noise. And it wasn't always like that. It became like that over time.

Speaker 1:

So in 2023, I made some drastic but really necessary changes for my health and it really changed everything. So now when I go through hard weeks like what we've been going through they're still hard, but it doesn't physically take me down like it did before I find ways to step back and reflect on what's going on and really lean into God to give me wisdom and how to navigate things. So this week, our sermon series at church has been a huge part of that process for me, and I just thought I would share a little bit about what I've been kind of processing and thinking through the past week and maybe it will be helpful for some of you as well. So we have been doing a deep dive into the story of the prodigal son the last couple of weeks and I think there are so many aspects of this story that can speak into our journey as foster and adoptive parents from the hearts and hope that we can have for our kids that are far from the Lord and going the wrong way, to the pride and the selfishness of the older brother that may mirror our hearts sometimes towards biological families, to countless more connections that we can make in that specific story. But the one thing that has really stood out to me this time, but the one thing that has really stood out to me this time more than anything else, is God's heart.

Speaker 1:

For me, especially in the season where I am seeing so much of my sinful flesh under the stress that I'm facing at home, I don't often see God in terms of a loving father. I often picture him as a judge, as my judge, and listen, he is that too. But I think the closer that we get to the Lord, the more that we see our own flaws and the closer we get to his perfection, the more of a contrast that we see in ourselves. And when we see our dirt and our mess, sometimes it's hard for me to remember that God loves me just the same. He knows about my mess. He knew about my mess, what my mess would be. He knew I would screw this parenting gig up from time to time, yet he still called me to it. He knew I wouldn't always be a reflection of His kindness and grace, but he still saved me anyway, even while we were still sinners. Christ died for us. I often talk about that to my kids, but I have needed to sit with that truth for me this week.

Speaker 1:

In the story of the prodigal son, the son asks for his inheritance and then runs off and wastes it. So let me read the story to you. I'm in Luke 15, and starting in verse 11, it says and he said, there was a man who had two sons, and the younger of them said to his father Father, give me the share of property that is coming to me. And he divided his property between them. Not many days later, the younger son gathered all he had and he took a journey into a far country and there he squandered his property in reckless living. And when he had spent everything, a severe famine arose in that country and he began to be in need. So he went and hired himself out to one of the citizens of that country who sent him into the fields to feed pigs, and he was longing to be fed with the pods that the pigs ate, and no one gave him anything. But when he came to himself he said how many of my father's hired servants have more than enough bread, but I perish here with hunger. I will arise and go to my father and I will say to him Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you I'm no longer worthy to be called your son. Treat me as one of your hired servants. And he arose and came to his father, but while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion and ran and embraced him and kissed him.

Speaker 1:

You guys, the story does go on. I, if you don't know the story well, please go read it in Luke 15 today. It's just a beautiful story. But first of all, how much do I do that right Like? I seek the gifts of God and I try to take those gifts and run with it. I try to do it all on my own, in my own strength, but I can't. I can't do that well. But also, the part that really stood out to me was not the things that the son does. I know that I do all of those things. I try to do everything in my own strength. Lots of times I seek the gifts of the father, but without seeking the relationship with the father himself. I just want to take the gifts and go. You guys, the father runs to him. Now that might not seem like such a big deal for some of you, but it was very undignified for a father to run like that during that time. And just think about who the Father represents in this story. Think about God physically running to embrace you. I am not worthy. My mind just always goes to God as the judge and even though I know I'm forgiven and washed clean, I think I kind of always think that God sits on his throne and he forgives us begrudgingly. So I know the word and I know in my head that that is not true, but that's where my heart goes. But sitting with this thought of God running to embrace me as a father has just been a gift.

Speaker 1:

It reminds me of the story of Stephen in the book of Acts. So Stephen is preaching the gospel and being stoned, he's being killed. He is the first recorded martyr of the Christian church and as he looks to heaven, he sees Christ standing at the right hand of God. I once heard Paige Brown she is, if you don't know who she is, she's a Bible teacher in Nashville, y'all she's awesome. But I heard her talk through this passage and it was one of the most impactful things I had ever heard. So many times I had read the scripture, but she pointed out something that I had completely missed.

Speaker 1:

Every time it talks about Jesus at the right hand of God. What does it say that he is doing? It always says that he's seated at the right hand of God, but here Stephen sees him standing. It's like he's waiting on Stephen to welcome him home. You guys, that is the heart of God, not just taking us in begrudgingly, but waiting for us with open arms, sitting with that truth about the love of God that goes beyond any bad parenting day that offers mercy and grace, not just for my kids but for me, is a gift.

Speaker 1:

So I don't know where you are today. Maybe you're in a good season where things are easy, or maybe you haven't even started your foster care journey yet and I am scaring the pants off of you. Or maybe, like me, the last few weeks have been a challenge. I call you to rest in your heavenly Father's love today. Take some time to just sit with Him and read His promises to you. I will put some verses to read in the show notes for you to look over and kind of sit with those things, sit with those promises to you and then pour that love out into your kids today, the kind where they learn to trust that even in their lowest moments they can run to you and be embraced. That trust only happens with connection and consistency over time. So let's all make it a priority.

Speaker 1:

You know this is going to get super vulnerable for a second, but I think one of the reasons that understanding God's unconditional love for me is so hard is because I didn't necessarily get that from my own parents and I don't want my kids to say that I know that I won't do it perfectly. I don't do it perfectly, but I pray that my husband and I can be a small example of that to them. He is much better at that than I am. And the last thing I want us to do is to really take care of ourselves and our bodies like we matter to God. Because guess what we do.

Speaker 1:

If you are going to do this job well, if you are going to manage the stress that is thrown at you every day whether it's meltdowns or state policies or the court system or just the uncertainty of it all you have to learn how to support your body. I have a six-week coaching group where I help parents do this. I take health and wellness tools and make them work for parents that are carrying more than the average load. So I teach on trauma, I teach how it impacts your body and you guys my clients are able to parent better. They have the ability to regulate and be patient Well most of the time. This is no magic pill, but they are able to be the parents that they want to be and that their kids need. So I urge you, don't wait, like I did, until the stress takes you out. Really be proactive. Find a way to support your body through the stress that you're walking through each and every day.

Speaker 1:

I am thankful for each and every one of you and how you have stepped into this calling and in obedience. Hebrews 6.10 says God is not unjust. He will not forget your work and the love that you have shown him, as you have helped his people and continue to help them. I'm praying for you this week and maybe you can take a minute to pray for my family as well. Pray that we get out of this January funk. If you have any specific prayer request, feel free to reach out to me on Instagram. You can find me at Nicole T Barlow. I would love to pray specifically for you and, as always, be sure to subscribe to this podcast and maybe share this one with a friend that may need some encouragement today.

Speaker 1:

Let me pray for us as we wrap up. Heavenly Father, thank you so much that you are a good, loving Father that we can depend on. Thank you that you don't just begrudgingly take us in, lord, but you embrace us, you lavish us in your love and grace and mercy. God, let us turn that, let us receive it and let us turn that towards our kids. Let us lavish them with love today. Let us consistently pour that love and connection over them so that they can grow to trust that they are cared for, that they are loved and they can more easily look to you as Father. Lord, I just ask that you build up all the foster and adoptive parents that are listening right now, that you strengthen them, that you encourage them, lord, that you lead them to your promises, so that they can stand on those truths today. We love you, lord. We trust you In Jesus' name, amen, thank you.