Foster Parent Well
Jump into "Foster Parent Well with Nicole T Barlow," where the adventure of Christian foster and adoptive parenting gets a little easier, a lot more joyful, and deeply fulfilling. Nicole's here with a mission: to guide you in parenting with a heart full of steadfast faith, unshakable endurance, and infectious joy.
This podcast is your cozy nook in the vast world of parenting, blending laughs, learning, and lots of love. It’s where self-care meets faith-filled encouragement, and mindset shifts help you navigate the rollercoaster of fostering and adopting. For every parent out there looking to refill their emotional and spiritual tanks, Nicole's got you covered with stories, tips, and expert advice that speak directly to the soul of a Christian foster or adoptive parent.
With "Foster Parent Well," it's like sitting down with a good friend who gets it—the highs, the lows, and everything in between. Nicole dives into the unique challenges and beautiful moments of parenting children with trauma, all while reminding you that taking time for yourself isn't just nice; it's essential for providing the stable, loving home these kiddos need.
So, why not make this journey together? Join Nicole and a vibrant community of faith-driven parents, all dedicated to transforming their lives and the lives of their foster and adopted children. Tune into "Foster Parent Well with Nicole T Barlow" for your weekly dose of encouragement, laughter, and wisdom. Hit subscribe, and let's start fostering and adopting with faith, endurance, and a joy that lights up the room.
Foster Parent Well
6 Signs That You Are Headed For Burnout
Overwhelming exhaustion is a challenge that many foster and adoptive parents experience, often without acknowledgment. This episode discusses burnout's signs, neurological impact, and practical steps toward healing and renewal.
• Exploring the definition of burnout what it looks like in parents
• Recognizing signs indicating a move in that direction
• Addressing emotional detachment and the inclination to check out
• Discussing diminished desire to connect with children
• Identifying physical symptoms of burnout and health concerns
• Offering practical steps to combat burnout
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Website: https://nicoletbarlow.com/
Welcome to the Foster Parent Well podcast, where we have real candid, faith-filled conversations about all things foster care, adoption and trauma. I'm your host, nicole T Barlow. I'm a certified parent trainer, a certified health coach and an adoptive parent myself. This is a space where you can find support so that you can care for your kids with a steadfast faith, endurance and joy. I want you host, Nicole T Barlow, and today we're diving into something that I know many of us struggle with, but we don't always talk about it, and that's burnout, that deep soul level exhaustion that leaves us running on fumes, where even the smallest thing can feel overwhelming. I don't know about you, but there have been seasons where I feel like I'm just trying to get through the day, going through the motions, checking all the boxes, but deep down, I feel disconnected from myself, from my kids, from the Lord. If that's you, friend, I want you to know that you are not alone. It is so common. I actually have a social media account where I mainly talk about avoiding burnout and the importance of us supporting our bodies so that we can serve our families well. But the question came up how do you know if you are headed towards burnout? So I want to talk through it. Today. We're going to talk about six signs that you may be headed towards burnout or that you may already be there, and we're also going to talk about why this happens from a neurological perspective, because burnout isn't just about doing too much. It's also about what's happening in our bodies. And then, of course, we'll get into some real practical steps you can take to begin working through it. So grab a cup of coffee or, let's be real, maybe you're reheating it for the third time and let's have this conversation.
Speaker 1:So what is burnout? Burnout is more than just feeling tired. It's a state of emotional, physical and spiritual exhaustion that happens when we've been carrying too much for too long without the right kind of support. And if you're a foster or adoptive parent, let's be honest, this life is a lot the emotional weight, the constant advocacy, the behaviors, the meetings, the appointments. It's no wonder why we end up feeling like we're running on empty and this really isn't talked about a lot in a training perspective Like we're not prepared for this to happen to our bodies, so we're not proactively taking steps to fight against it from the beginning. Neurologically speaking, burnout happens when our stress response system stays on for too long. So God designed our bodies to be able to handle stress in short bursts, like if you have to outrun a bear, which some days it may feel like we're doing that right, but when our stress is chronic, our nervous system gets stuck in overdrive, much like it does for our kids, and when that happens, our bodies start breaking down in different ways.
Speaker 1:So let's talk about the six signs that you might be heading towards that burnout stage. Number one you are prone to checking out. This might look like you are scrolling endlessly on your phone, or you're binge watching shows at night just to kind of numb out, or maybe you're finding it really hard to focus during the day. Maybe you sit down to get something done, and then five minutes later, you've already switched over to another task because your brain just can't hold on to one thing for too long. This happens because your brain is overloaded. It's like your system is saying I can't take in any more, so it starts seeking out ways to escape. The problem with this, though, is that those little distractions don't actually help us recharge. They just kind of keep us in that stuck mode. I know for me. I've had seasons where I catch myself checking out a lot and it's easy to justify it that I just need a break. But when it becomes the norm instead of an occasional thing, it's a red flag that something deeper is going on and this is becoming a bigger issue.
Speaker 1:Number two is that you no longer desire community, and you guys. This isn't an introvert thing. So I am an extroverted. Introvert, which means I am very outgoing in a crowd, but crowds often drain me. I am an introvert. I recharge by my time alone. But this isn't what we're talking about here. Foster and adoptive parents really need community, but what you're doing can already be isolating, right, but ultimately we need community. We are designed for community. But when burnout creeps in, you start avoiding the very people who could support you. So maybe you don't return texts, you skip church or the idea of making small talk at a gathering just feels exhausting. The enemy loves to get us alone, friends, because when we're isolated we're more vulnerable. We need people speaking life into us. We need people encouraging us. We need people who can remind us of truth when we're too tired to see it ourselves. So this is a sign that we are headed towards burnout and it is a signal that there is a gap if we are isolating ourselves, that there is a gap for the enemy to work in, and we don't want that.
Speaker 1:Number three is your mood and irritability are all over the place. So one minute you're fine and the next you're snapping at your kids for something really small, or maybe you're feeling super emotional over things that wouldn't normally bother you. This is a sign that your nervous system is taxed. And listen, I get it. I've had days where I think why am I so frustrated right now? This is stupid, and the truth is is that it's not just about the moment. It's about the accumulation of stress that has been processed. So for me, the stressor is often noise. The more taxed my nervous system is, the more sensitive that I am to noises eating, crunching, loud talking, and you can imagine that with a house full of kids, those things are constant. I can usually tell when my nervous system is overwhelmed because my husband's voice seems very loud and you guys, my husband is not the loud one in the family, I am the loud one in our family. So when his voice seems loud to me, it is a signal that something's off. It's a signal that my nervous system is overwhelmed and my sensory issues are taking over that. There are amplifying things that don't normally bother me, so we need to take those things. If we're moody, if we're irritable, if things are dysregulating us easily, we need to view that as a signal that our nervous system may be overwhelmed. A signal that our nervous system may be overwhelmed. Okay.
Speaker 1:Number four is that you see the problems but not the blessings. When burnout hits, all you can see is what's hard. You may see the struggles, the behaviors, the appointments, the exhaustion. It gets harder to see the ministry and the why behind what we are doing. This is so important to recognize because our perspective impacts everything. If we only see the weight, we are going to carry it very differently. But when we can step back and say, okay, this is really hard, but I know that God is working here, it shifts something in us. It actually helps to give us the ability to move forward. It gives us the strength to be able to carry on if we feel like that carrying has purpose.
Speaker 1:I've had seasons, and have seen friends through seasons, where it is hard to see the blessings Like. It only feels hard, I only feel discouraged. I forget the good that it's happening and I really struggle to see the good in me, the good in my husband, in my kids, in our work as a family unit. The reality is is that there is always both for everyone. There are struggles, but there are also always blessings too, and when we struggle to see the blessings part, it's really a sign that we need something to change.
Speaker 1:Okay, number five is a big one. When you struggle with wanting to spend one-on-one time with your kids or time connecting with them, that is a sign. It's probably a sign that you're already in burnout, but it's a sign that you really need to pay attention to. When we're emotionally, mentally and physically exhausted, our capacity for connection shrinks, our nervous system starts operating in survival mode, and when you're in survival mode, your brain only sees you. So you're just trying to get through your to-do list right, and when that happens, anything that requires emotional energy, like deep connection with our kids, can start to feel like another demand, another thing that we should be doing. But that's the main part of our job, you guys. We are navigating complex needs and big emotions and challenging behaviors, and if we aren't connecting with our kids, those things are actually going to get worse. But it's not that we don't care, it's that when those signals appear when we are lacking that ability to really spend time and connect deeply with our kids. Spend time and connect deeply with our kids. It's that we don't have the bandwidth to engage the way that our hearts want to.
Speaker 1:I totally get this feeling, and when you realize that you're feeling this way, it's very common for guilt to creep in really fast, like why don't I want to sit and play with them? Why do I feel so impatient? Why do I just want to be left alone? But instead of beating yourself up, I want you to recognize this as a red flag. Your system is waving a warning sign saying hey, we're running on fumes here. Something has to change, okay. And then number six is that your body starts feeling it. You start experiencing things like fatigue, anxiety, high blood pressure, random hormonal issues that don't make sense or that you haven't experienced before. Maybe you're getting sick more often. When your nervous system is in overdrive for too long, your body starts sending out distress signals. If you've been noticing changes in your health, please don't ignore them. You guys, go see a physician. Go see a doctor to get it checked out, to get things tested.
Speaker 1:Our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit and taking care of them is an act of obedience. Our bodies also have limits and, you guys, they will at some point give out. As foster and adoptive parents, we are usually carrying a heavier load than some of our community, and the way we support our bodies through this stress that we have taken on needs to account for that extra weight. This element of supporting our physical bodies is not something that's often discussed in training or preparation for the roles that we've stepped into, but it's such a critical component to us to being able to do this job well. And if you've been part of listening to this podcast for any amount of time, you know it is a huge part of my passion, because I've been there. I've been in the place where my body is failing under the weight of it all, and the Lord brought me to a place where I began to heal. And, you guys, I have clients that come to me desperate, desperate that really start to feel like themselves again, simply by learning how to support their bodies the right way.
Speaker 1:So let's talk about what we can do. If you are recognizing yourself in some of these signs, first let me say grace, friend. There is no shame here. This is a natural reaction of our bodies when we take on too much stress. But also, let's not stay in this place. I hear people say all the time health practitioners, different people, will tell you to get rid of extra stress. The problem is that stress is a part of the thing that we've been called to. Taking on some of our kids' grief, some of their loss, stepping into their trauma, is what we've been called to and that is stress. It just is. We can't get rid of that. That is the very thing we have been called to do, so that our kids aren't carrying it alone. But we have to know how to carry it within ourselves or we're going to drown underneath it as well. So here's a few things that we can start doing today to move towards healing, to move out of this movement towards burnout.
Speaker 1:Number one is always going to be get in the Word, not as another to-do list item, but as a lifeline. Even if it's just a verse or two, let God's truth be louder than your exhaustion. And you guys, sometimes you aren't going to be able to sit down and read a chapter in the Word and take notes and journal and all the things. Some days you're going to need to turn on the audio Bible and let it just read over. You You're not going to have the energy to do the work and you're going to need technology to do the work for you. But you guys, it doesn't matter how you get the word in your mind, how you meditate on those things, you just need to do it.
Speaker 1:The second thing is to move your body. This doesn't have to be a full workout. In fact, I would advise against very strenuous workouts long form cardio, that sort of thing unless your body is really used to it. But I just want you to get outside, go for a walk, stretch Again. If you've been around this podcast for any amount of time, you know my non-negotiable is I walk every day because it helps to regulate my nervous system, it helps my mental health, it helps give me the energy I need to get through my day. So just figure out a way to move your body every single day and then prioritize real rest. Scrolling isn't rest. Binge watching isn't rest. True rest is spent with things that are actually going to restore you. With things that are actually going to restore you, things like worship, prayer, sleep. Maybe take an Epsom salt bath If you have access to a sauna, spending quiet time in a sauna, just kind of sitting and letting that restore you. But really think through how you get rest, because you can sleep at night and your body not be well rested. So really think through your sleep routine and how you're preparing your body for good rest.
Speaker 1:The fourth thing is to get some time away. Look for respite or a babysitter or, if you're married, switch off with your spouse. One of the best things that my husband does for me is, like once a quarter he gives me a couple of days to myself, whether that's I go away to a hotel somewhere for a night or two, or he will take the kids away to where his family lives out of town and leave me here by myself, which is actually my favorite. I would prefer to be in my house alone than in a hotel room, but I'll take either, right? But that time away really helps me get out from under the weight of some of that stress and to be able to think more clearly. So I am a huge advocate for that all the way around, making sure that both parents get time to step away and kind of clear their head a little bit. I think it makes a huge difference and it keeps us from going into this burnout mode.
Speaker 1:And the fifth one is to reach out to somebody so you don't have to do this alone. Send the text to that friend, make that call to somebody that can encourage you. Ask for prayer, you guys, and if you don't have community that you can trust, take some time today to pray for that. Pray for a community that you can trust, that will surround you, that you can depend on. Friend, if you are in a season of burnout, know this that God sees you, mount. Know this that God sees you. He hasn't left you. He isn't disappointed in you for being exhausted. He is trying to invite you to come to him and let him carry the burden with you. You are doing hard kingdom work, but even Jesus stepped away to rest. Even he had boundaries. And if he needed that, how much more do we? So take a deep breath. You are not alone. You are so loved. All right, that's it for today. If this episode resonated with you, would you share it with a friend? And if you haven't already, make sure you subscribe so you don't miss what's coming next.
Speaker 1:As we wrap up, let me pray for us. Dear Lord, I just thank you for the blessings that you have given us, lord. Help us to see those blessings today. Lord, let us be thankful and grateful at this opportunity to see our kids grow and heal and thrive, lord, and for getting to be a part of their stories. Lord, I ask right now that you would strengthen every foster and adoptive parent that is listening to this podcast. Lord, I ask that you would build them up, that you would form a hedge of protection around them, lord, that would protect them from anything that the enemy has prepared for them. Lord, build them up so that they can continue to serve with compassion and grace. Lord, we trust you and we depend on you for every breath. We love you. We trust you in Jesus' name Amen.