Foster Parent Well
Foster Parent Well is the go-to podcast for foster and adoptive parents who are navigating the complexities of parenting children with trauma while trying to stay sane in the process. Hosted by Nicole T Barlow, a foster and adoptive mom of six, parent trainer, and wellness coach, this podcast is where faith, resilience, and practical strategies come together.
If you're feeling burnt out, overwhelmed, or just plain exhausted from the daily realities of foster care and adoption—you're not alone. Here, we have real conversations about the hard stuff: attachment struggles, secondary trauma, parenting beyond behaviors, and the deep emotional weight of loving kids from hard places. But we also talk about you—your health, your nervous system, your faith, and the small, sustainable ways you can care for yourself so you can keep showing up for your kids.
Expect practical tips, faith-based encouragement, expert insights, and zero sugarcoating—just real, honest talk about what it takes to foster well, adopt well, and most importantly, stay well in the process.
Because parenting kids with trauma is a marathon, not a sprint—and you were never meant to run it alone.
🎧 Subscribe now and let’s do this together!
Foster Parent Well
Spiritual Armor for Foster and Adoptive Families
This episode explores the spiritual warfare that foster parents face as they navigate their unique challenges. By emphasizing the importance of guarding our minds, nurturing relationships, prioritizing self-care, and cultivating gratitude, we equip ourselves to combat discouragement and support each other through this journey.
• Understanding spiritual warfare in the context of foster care
• The significance of filling our minds with God's truth
• Importance of nurturing marital and community relationships
• Necessity of self-care for spiritual and emotional resilience
• Strategies for guarding our hearts against negativity and despair
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Welcome to the Foster Parent Well podcast, where we have real candid, faith-filled conversations about all things foster care, adoption and trauma. I'm your host, nicole T Barlow. I'm a certified parent trainer, a certified health coach and an adoptive parent myself. This is a space where you can find support so that you can care for your kids with a steadfast faith, endurance and joy. I want you to foster parent Well.
Speaker 1:It has been a week I feel like I say that a lot and actually it's been two weeks because I wasn't even here last week. Life hit us hard. Illness ran through our house like it had a personal vendetta against us and on top of that, we just had one of those weeks where trauma seemed to be in the air. If you know what I mean, you know when it rains around here it really pours. I mean, between the sleepless nights, the big emotions from all of us and navigating crisis after crisis, I was barely holding it together. But that's exactly why today's episode is so important, because if you are in foster care and adoption, if you are raising kids who come from hard places, you already know you are not just parenting. We are fighting a battle, you guys. And this is not just any battle. This is a spiritual battle. We believe that there is an enemy, and that enemy it's not our kids, it's not the caseworkers, it's not the bio parents, it's not even the system, though the system can be hard.
Speaker 1:Scripture tells us that we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. That comes from Ephesians 6.12. Evil in the heavenly places? That comes from Ephesians 6.12. The enemy is against family. He's against children, y'all. The enemy is against redemption. Trauma brings so much darkness and hopelessness and despair. But what foster care and adoption does, or what it should do, when it's done correctly, is provide the opposite. It should provide calm, stability, love and hope. And that means we are pushing back the darkness. We're not just sitting back defending ourselves with our spiritual armor on. We're actively going into the enemy's camp and taking back what he has tried to claim as his the enemy's camp and taking back what he has tried to claim as his. And let's be real when we step into this fight, we should expect some attacks. That's why it's called a battle. You guys, we're on the front lines of ministry and this work that we do is so crucial. The enemy would love nothing more than to take you out. This is why we can't just recognize the battle itself, but we have to actively prepare ourselves to fight it.
Speaker 1:We are called to be spiritual warriors. We're called to stand firm in the face of opposition, but that's not easy. We have to acknowledge that spiritual warfare doesn't always look like this big, dramatic thing. Sometimes spiritual warfare is in just the small, daily discouragements that we face. It's in the lies that creep in, telling us we are not making a difference or we're not good enough. It's the exhaustion that would make us want to give up. It's that doubt that sneaks in after, like another hard day. The enemy works subtly, but we need to stay aware so that we can combat these attacks before it takes root in our hearts. So how do we stand firm? How do we fight back? How do we protect ourselves and our families in this battle?
Speaker 1:I'm going to talk about four ways that we can guard ourselves in this fight. And the first thing we need to guard is our minds. And the way that we do that is we have to be in the word period If we're not filling our minds with truth, the lies are sure to take over. The more time we spend meditating on God's Word, the stronger our defense will be against the attacks of the enemy. And this may look like reading the Word or, if you're too tired, it may look like pulling up the Bible app or the Dwell app and letting it read the word over you. The point is not about how you do it, but the fact that you're filling your mind with truth every single day. We need to be meditating on scripture not just reading it through, but really meditating on parts of it. I mean, you can write it on your hand so that you're looking down at it during different parts of the day, or put it on post-its and post scripture around your house, but really meditate on it all day long. We can also sing praises and worship songs that remind us of truth throughout the day, and it sets our heart in a posture of praise and thanksgiving, which we'll talk about when we talk about guarding our hearts, but is so crucial. I mean, he has done great things for us, you guys. He is always faithful, so how can we remind ourselves of these things and thank Him for it all day long? We also need to be speaking this truth over our families. Scripture is not just words on a page. It's actually a weapon and we need to be actively using it.
Speaker 1:One of my kids used to make threats pretty regularly threats against her own life, against the life and safety of others and the way that she would make these threats would be to write it on her wall, on her bedroom wall. So one of the times that she was not at home we decided to paint her wall purple because we thought, well, if she writes a threat on the wall and the wall's purple, we're not. It was like a dark, dark purple, you guys. If it was, you know, if she writes threats on the wall, we're not going to be able to see it. So maybe that will make her stop right. Well, she learned that if you take white bar soap, it shows up on that purple quite nicely. So obviously that didn't work great. So the next time that she was kind of out of the house, one of the things that we did is me and her sister went around her room and in pencil we wrote scripture all over her wall and we wrote it on pencil on that dark purple wall. She couldn't see it, she didn't know it was there, but we rewrote the word all over her room and, you guys, never again did she write a threat on that wall, never again.
Speaker 1:Now she wrote some threats some other places, but we have to remember that there is power like actual power in the Word of God, so we can't be afraid to use it. We have to speak it over our kids, speak it over our homes, speak it over our families. It really is a tool that sometimes I think we don't use enough. The other thing is we need to be mindful of what we put into our minds in a negative aspect. You know, are we looking at social media? Are we paying attention to the TV shows and movies and music that we're watching or listening to? And I mean, are the things that we're consuming? Are they filling us with hope and strength or are they opening doors to discouragement? Are they opening doors to comparison or fear? What we allow into our minds shapes our perspective and it shapes our faith. We are doing some really hard things every day and we really need strength that only the Lord and His truth is going to provide for us. So we need to make sure that we are filling our minds with that truth every single day.
Speaker 1:The second thing that we need to guard is our relationships, and I'm going to talk about a couple of different relationships, but as a whole, we just need to be guarding our relationships with other people. The first relationship that I want to talk about is our marriage. If you are married, foster care and adoption is going to put immense pressure on your marriage. It can make it stronger if it pulls you to work together, but I've seen so many times where the pressure, the stress, divides couples apart. The enemy knows that if he can divide a marriage, he can weaken the whole family, that if he can divide a marriage, he can weaken the whole family. So, investing in our marriage through spending time together, quality time on a regular basis, you guys, spending time together, walking in humility, side by side. It can be so easy to want our own way and to seek our own needs constantly and to forget about. You know, treating our spouse well and raising them up, encouraging them, walking in unity with them, is so crucial. On a side note, I do have a six-week couples challenge that is coming up next week where we focus on building that relationship of marriage in the context of parenting our kids with higher needs. We're going to talk about supporting our bodies and that marriage connection so that we can be at the best for our kids. I will put a link for that challenge in the show notes in case you're interested.
Speaker 1:But we need to be spending time with our spouse. We need good communication. Sometimes, in the midst of everything else that we have to juggle, this can be really really hard, but it has to be a priority. It also should be a priority that we're building our friendships and our community should be a priority that we're building our friendships and our community. Foster care can be so isolating. We lose friends who don't really understand what we're doing or what we're going through, and sometimes we withdraw just because it's so hard, like we don't have time or energy or strength to be pouring into other people. But we are not meant to do this alone. We need godly friendships. We need people to encourage and support us in this battle. We need to be walking hand in hand with other people, so we need to think about what that looks like in the context of our daily lives. How do we include that on a regular basis?
Speaker 1:And then the third relationship that we need to really be guarding is that relationship with our kids. The enemy would love nothing more than to create discord between us and our children. We have to be intentional about how we connect with them and how we stay connected with them, even in the hardest moments, especially in the hardest moments, I think, in the hardest moments where the enemy really would love to tear us apart from one another. I think those are the moments where, when we can come together, when we can offer forgiveness and ask for forgiveness, when we can become closer to one another through the hard, it really is a blow to the enemy because we are working to build strong relationships, we are looking to build kids that trust and heal through their trauma. Loving and leading our children well is one of the most powerful ways that we can fight back against the darkness. So really being intentional and walking in a way that is honoring to them, that is loving and really obedient to the Lord in how we are discipling our children.
Speaker 1:Okay, the third thing that we need to guard is our bodies. I talk about this on the podcast all the time, but the work we do is so physically and emotionally exhausting. Stress has a direct impact on our bodies and we can't afford to neglect self-care, and I talk about this too. But y'all, self-care is not all about bubble baths and chocolate Like. It's about making sure our food is nutritious, that we're getting good fuel for our bodies every day. It's making sure we're getting plenty of water, plenty of rest, plenty of exercise through walking or strength training, making sure that we have all the things that are going to strengthen our bodies to be able to handle what we've been called to. We have been called to something that leads to higher than average stress, which means our self-care needs to be more extensive than the average person's. The way we fuel our bodies matters, because our physical being impacts our spiritual and emotional resilience as well. We can't show up for our kids well. We can't show up for our spouse well. We can't show up faith-wise well if our body is deteriorating from just being exhausted all the time. Nutrition, movement, rest, nervous system support all of those things are not luxuries. They're necessary for longevity.
Speaker 1:In this calling, if you need practical strategies, I have several previous podcast episodes that dive deep into how to support our bodies through this work. It's part of what I do with my coaching clients, you guys, and I am super passionate about it because I have seen what happens when our bodies don't get what it needs and I have seen how it translates into every aspect of our lives. Sleep is also another key component of that in supporting our bodies Chronic exhaustion. It weakens our ability to fight spiritually, emotionally and physically. Prioritizing rest is an act of obedience. You guys. We have to treat our bodies kind of like we're like an athlete, like a professional athlete. You would never expect a professional athlete to go out and do their jobs without training, without eating right, without fueling their body the right way, without getting plenty of sleep and rest. They know those things are required in order to do their job Well. Our bodies are the same way. Those things are required for the level of stress and resilience that we need in order to fulfill our calling. So guarding our bodies is a way that we fight against the enemy as we're walking out this calling All right.
Speaker 1:Number four, the last one, is guarding our hearts, and this one is crucial. We need to think through how do we stay grateful in hardship, how do we pray for protection and guidance every single day? Y'all, we need to be on our faces every single morning. We need to be on our faces every single morning. We cannot get through our day without prayer, without being in total dependence on God. Gratitude is one of the most powerful ways to shift our mindset from despair to hope. So if we're really struggling, you know, start a gratitude journal. Really work to get your heart geared towards the Lord and not towards our constant hardship.
Speaker 1:We need to look at who or what we're looking to for comfort or satisfaction. Are we numbing ourselves with distractions like scrolling on your phone, binge-watching TV episodes, or are we leaning into Jesus for true peace? Take a look at where you go and what you lean on when things really get hard. Here's something interesting that I recently learned. You guys, if you know anything about attachment styles, um, I'd love to know your attachment style and how this plays out for you. But I recently read something that was talking about different attachment styles and how they're prone to cope.
Speaker 1:So dismissive adults tend to lean on things for comfort things like shopping and buying things or looking to food for comfort while preoccupied adults tend to look for relationships and people to fill that gap, and a lot of times they're looking for people to fill that gap in an unhealthy way. They're looking for people to fill that gap in an unhealthy way. So really look at what are you prone to? What are you prone to lean on aside from the Lord when things get difficult? We should be running to the Lord for comfort, but it is so often that we are looking to other things, but that can be a huge gap for the enemy to work. That can be a huge gap where we are not depending on the Lord when we need to be. And this leads me to this last point in guarding our hearts, we need to make sure that we have accountability, because sometimes we don't see where those gaps are. We don't see when we are drifting slightly to get into some unhealthy habits. I've seen several lives derailed lately because of small, unchecked gaps in their armor. It was gaps that the enemy took full advantage of, and we have to be so, so diligent to make sure that we have people around us that have our back.
Speaker 1:We should not be fighting these battles alone. We have to be part of a team. So who are your people? Who are your people that have the authority and will speak up to point out the gaps or cracks that they see in your armor? Here's the truth. The enemy wants to take us out, y'all, but he does not win. Jesus already has the victory.
Speaker 1:We are not fighting this battle alone. We have the power of the Holy Spirit inside of us. We have prayer as our greatest weapon. We have the armor of God to stand firm and we have hope. We have hope that what we are doing matters even when we don't see the fruit. You guys Hope that love and stability are never wasted, even when behaviors don't change overnight. We have hope that Jesus is the ultimate healer, even when things feel so, so broken. If you're in this fight, you are not alone. Put on your armor, keep going, stand firm, lean into Jesus and remember you are fighting for something bigger than yourself. Let me pray for us as I wrap up today. Heavenly Father, god, I thank you that you fight for us. We need only to be still and to lean into you. Lord, help us put on this armor of righteousness and salvation. Lord, help us put on the shoes of peace. Lord, to walk in your peace. You have done so much and we only have to stand in your victory. Lord, we love you, we trust you.