Foster Parent Well
Foster Parent Well is the go-to podcast for foster and adoptive parents who are navigating the complexities of parenting children with trauma while trying to stay sane in the process. Hosted by Nicole T Barlow, a foster and adoptive mom of six, parent trainer, and wellness coach, this podcast is where faith, resilience, and practical strategies come together.
If you're feeling burnt out, overwhelmed, or just plain exhausted from the daily realities of foster care and adoption—you're not alone. Here, we have real conversations about the hard stuff: attachment struggles, secondary trauma, parenting beyond behaviors, and the deep emotional weight of loving kids from hard places. But we also talk about you—your health, your nervous system, your faith, and the small, sustainable ways you can care for yourself so you can keep showing up for your kids.
Expect practical tips, faith-based encouragement, expert insights, and zero sugarcoating—just real, honest talk about what it takes to foster well, adopt well, and most importantly, stay well in the process.
Because parenting kids with trauma is a marathon, not a sprint—and you were never meant to run it alone.
🎧 Subscribe now and let’s do this together!
Foster Parent Well
REWIND: When The Journey Gets Hard, Faith Is Your Lifeline
Struggling to find the strength to keep going in your foster care journey? This powerful conversation with missionary and adoptive mom Mandie Summers reveals how faith becomes the essential foundation when the system feels broken and the burden feels too heavy.
Mandy never imagined herself as a foster parent until a casual dinner conversation with a social worker friend opened her eyes to the crisis within the foster care system. What began as complete naivety about trauma and fostering evolved into a profound family transformation that ultimately led to adopting two children and continuing to provide foster care.
"Foster care and adoption really found us," Mandie shares, admitting she and her husband were probably "the two most naive people to ever sign up." Her honest account of expecting a simple revolving door of short placements versus the complex reality they encountered resonates with anyone who's discovered the gap between expectations and the fostering experience.
The heart of this episode explores spiritual sustainability – how faith provides the strength to continue when burnout threatens. Mandy's practical spiritual disciplines include daily Scripture listening during walks, worship music during chaotic pre-dinner hours, and leaning into biblical narratives that suddenly take on new meaning through the fostering lens. Her identification with Moses in Numbers 11 ("Did I conceive all these people? Did I give them birth?") offers profound comfort to foster parents carrying trauma they didn't create.
Whether you're considering fostering, currently fostering, or supporting someone who is, this conversation offers hope that God provides exactly what's needed in each season. As Mandie beautifully summarizes: "It is the hardest thing we've done, but so worth it in the richness of life. Offering a Christ-centered home to a child is worth anything."
For more information on Mandie and Jason's missionary journey and how to support them: https://give.cru.org/0578940
Foster Parent Well Facebook Community: https://www.facebook.com/share/g/1VeRn4AaDHThddXx/
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Hey friend, welcome back to the Foster Parent Well podcast. We're doing something special this summer because, let's be real, summer is loud and schedules are wild. So, in the spirit of keeping things simple and soul-filling, we're hitting rewind All summer long. I'll be sharing some of my favorite episodes from the past, conversations that encouraged me, challenged me and reminded me that God is still working even when life feels messy. If you're new here, it's the perfect time to jump in, and if you've been around for a while, think of this like a little refresher, like your spiritual iced coffee on a hot summer day. So let's soak in some truth, lean into God's grace and keep showing up for the hard and holy work that we've been called to. Let's jump into this Rewind episode.
Speaker 1:Welcome to the Foster Parent Well podcast, where we have real candid, faith-filled conversations about all things foster care, adoption and trauma. I'm your host, nicole T Barlow. I'm a certified parent trainer, a certified health coach and an adoptive parent myself. This is a space where you can find support so that you can care for your kids with a steadfast faith, endurance and joy. I want you to foster parent well, so let's jump in.
Speaker 1:Welcome to the Foster Well podcast. I'm your host, nicole T Barlow, and we have a really amazing podcast episode today. Joining me is my good friend, mandy Summers. Mandy and her husband, jason, are full-time missionaries with the Jesus Film Project. Their mission is to reach unreached nations by delivering the story of Jesus on film so that all are able to hear the story of Jesus in their own language. Today, mandy joins me to talk about spiritual strength and leaning into our faith as foster and adoptive parents. Mandy and her husband are adoptive parents and they are also a current foster family, and she just has so much wisdom to share, so I'm excited for you all to hear from her today. So I'd like to welcome to the podcast my good friend, mandy Summers. Mandy, welcome to the show.
Speaker 2:Thank you, thanks for having me.
Speaker 1:I'm excited about you being here. So tell us a little bit about you and your family and how you got into foster care and adoption to begin with, sure.
Speaker 2:So my husband and I, we are full-time missionaries with an organization called the Jesus Film Project, which is part of Campus Crusade for Christ, and we have been on staff with them since we graduated college. So that's been our career, our whole marriage, and we have currently in the home six children. You know we are a current foster family, so that number fluctuates from time to time, but right now there's six. So we have three biological kids, two that we've adopted, and then there is one child that's placed with us, that's still in foster care.
Speaker 1:OK, awesome. How do you get into foster care to begin with? What drew you to?
Speaker 2:do this? Yeah, that's a great question. I think I am realizing that foster care and adoption really found us. So we kind of have a little bit of a different story. You know, you always hear those people that say, oh, I was always interested in foster care or I had wanted to adopt since I was a little kid. That just wasn't something that we had ever really thought about or considered. But when we moved here to Georgia we were pretty new to the area and so the first kind of friends that we had made the couple we went out to dinner with them and the wife was a social worker and honestly, nicole, we were just we had no idea about that world at all At that time. If you would have asked me how many kids were in foster care in Georgia, I probably would have said like a couple hundred total, which I mean, of course we know there's more than a couple hundred in most counties in Georgia.
Speaker 1:So, right.
Speaker 2:But the wife just you know, small talk, what do you do? And talking about your job. And that conversation at dinner really changed the whole trajectory of our lives. I mean, just once we heard about the need, about the crisis, about the system, about these kids, it just became so real to us and me and Jason, my husband and I, we just couldn't shake it. We just were thinking about it all the time. After that one conversation and so really we were probably the two most naive people to ever sign up for foster care. But we just took the next step. We really didn't know what that was going to lead to.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and so when you first started, right being super naive about it, you go through the classes Like what did you expect? Like what did you think you were getting into?
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's so funny, to be honest, when we were going through training we had great trainers, but I think in my mind I just kind of thought well, they're training to the worst case scenario. That's probably not going to be our experience. I mean, we really just didn't. I didn't understand anything about trauma. I was the most untrauma informed about trauma. I was the most untrauma-informed foster parent which you know. Of course, god has a sense of humor and a journey and a story for us all. But I really thought it would just be helping out some kids for a short time. I thought it would be a revolving door. We'd get a kid, we'd help them out, keep them safe for a few months They'd go back home, get a new kid. That's what I thought the journey would look like.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and what has your journey actually looked like?
Speaker 2:Yeah, a little different than that. So we got approved. Well, first of all we didn't even know that there were Christian or private foster agencies at all, so we just thought, de facto, the state was the only option. And as we were looking, we were actually signed up to take classes with the state and our kids my, my bio kids they were attending a school, at charter school at the time and they became friends with some kids that had been in foster care and so talking to their mom just like at a school function she was fostering through Faith Bridge, so that was really our first introduction to that.
Speaker 1:So we did the agency that you're with the Christian agency, that you're with agency that you're with the Christian agency, that you're with.
Speaker 2:Correct. Yeah, so she introduced us to that. We signed up to do an encounter, which is like the first step and just really informational, and then from there we signed up for the classes and so we got approved at the end of 2015. We had finished our classes and the home study and then all of the paperwork. And then, early 2016, we got our first placement and he was a little boy. He was part of a sibling group, but we didn't know that at the time when we got the call for him, the siblings were all placed in different homes. So we just got him and about six months later we had gotten a call. You know, D-Fak said kind of sorted out the sibling group situation and where everybody was going to be, and we got a call for his full biological sister asking if she could come stay with us. And so we fostered them for three years and then ended up adopting them. So it was not that revolving door kids in and out.
Speaker 1:Yeah, y'all have seen reunification happen within the foster care system.
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely we have. So after we adopted them, you know, we went from three kids to five. To be really honest, my husband and I were kind of thinking we would be done and just kind of okay, now we're going to focus on these kids and raising our kiddos. And it was really our older biological kids that were like we can't just be done, this is what we do now. I remember my older daughter saying this is just what we do now. So we did keep our home open and we had three placements kind of really quickly. So we had a set of baby twins that were only with us for a short time and were reunified to grandparents. And then we had a little girl during COVID that was with us for nine months and she was reunified to her biological parents and that was just truly a beautiful thing to be a part of.
Speaker 1:That's awesome. How do you find the strength to keep going? You're saying you guys thought you were done and your biological kids are saying, no, we're not done. This is what we do. How do you find the strength to keep going and not get burned out? Or some people get very jaded in the system and it hinders their ability to serve well. So how do you find the strength to keep going and not get burned out or jaded?
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's a great question and I can totally see easily how it would happen. Sure, so I think a couple of things for me personally. I can only speak for me, but I don't. I know that I could not continue fostering without my faith and without very closely walking with the Lord. You know, if that weren't a huge part of our family, it would be so difficult and I can say I would be jaded. So I would fall right in that category.
Speaker 2:I think God's used our kids, our older kids, really to keep us going. The fact that I see foster care, growing them and teaching them things that they never would have learned or experienced, or life lessons outside of being part of the ministry of foster care, and then even just little things, like even from you, nicole, I've gotten texts before randomly when I'm having a really hard day. You know, hey, I'm praying for you and that's God. He does that. But that has really given us the fuel, jason, even as a foster dad, that can be kind of a lonely and isolating place and he'll have buddies just saying like, hey, man, thinking of your family praying for you guys, those kinds of things are like just the extra. Okay, we can keep going, we can keep doing this. I think those are the biggest.
Speaker 1:That's special to think about on the guy's side, because I think a lot of times as women we are intentional about seeking out community, because I feel like a lot of times we're more relational, sometimes we may be more emotional, so we're seeking that emotional support from other people. But I know with my husband is that he may not always seek out community. You know, in the same way and I think a lot of times it's harder for dads in foster care and adoption to really find that special community that's going to lift them up.
Speaker 2:No, I agree completely. I would like to see change in that area.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, and I have seen I mean I have seen some pop-ups of like different retreats and stuff for men. I saw one, I don't know where, it was like a weekend camping trip out West, but I remember saying, hey, I think that's, I think that's so neat that men can come together and have that community of support as well. Absolutely, what are some ways that you lean into God? So you said, my faith is the way that I stay in this, that I stay strong and that I keep going. But what are some practical ways or spiritual disciplines that you lean into to give you strength?
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's funny. Before fostering, I never would have thought the Bible talks about foster care, but I don't know. When I'm reading through the Bible I just keep applying it over and over again to the foster care journey. It's so applicable to our lives in this space. But over the past year I've kind of gotten into this rhythm that's been vital for me, which is going on a walk or walking on my walking pad in my house and listening to scripture on an audio Bible. And, to be honest, it started because as a busy mom, I'm short on time and I wanted to get some exercise and I wanted to read the word, and so it was like kill two birds with one stone. But it has become this rhythm. That's been kind of a lifeline for me lately and I really I fight for it. I fight for that time every day and that has been, yeah, leaning into Jesus. That's been a game changer.
Speaker 1:I have used that same thing as well, except when I used to listen to my audio book. I used to have the audio Bible. I used to have a child that would melt down for sometimes hours right, and I would sit in her room with her and I'd turn on my audio Bible to where it would read it to me and I'd stick it down my shirt so she wasn't like clawing at it or trying to get it away from me, but I would just listen to it, read scripture over me as I was sitting in those hard situations, and it reminded me of truth, it reminded me of who God was when I'm literally in the midst of hard and it helped me kind of ground myself in those hard moments. It helped me regulate, it helped me kind of remember what was important in those moments.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I remember you telling me something similar to that a long time ago, and I've kind of used that principle in the way of worship music. So, like dinner time, when I'm cooking dinner, you know around that time everybody's hungry. You know it's just not a great hour in our house, you know that leading up to dinner time, and so lately I've been really having our you know, like Siri or whatever play worship music and it I wouldn't say it's like a magic button, Sure, but what I am seeing happening is it regulates, like you just said, regulates me, it regulates me, calms me, reminds me of truth, and so a calm mommy can kind of set the tone for a calm family. Yes, yes, and like yes in the kitchen.
Speaker 1:I'm just trying to make dinner. Yes, yes, yes, when I would turn on the audio Bible, like in her room, it had nothing to do with her, it was all about regulating me in those moments so that I could be the best mom that I could be for her, and so I love that you do that kind of. During that dinner time hour, we hear parents talk so much about how that kind of is a rough period, especially if kids have past trauma or food insecurities and that sort of thing Leading up to mealtime can always make people feel very, very anxious, and so I love that idea. I might implement that as well. Have there been times where you have questioned your faith in this process, or I mean really had to wrestle with God on what you believed and why you believed it, on what you believed and why you believed it?
Speaker 2:Yeah, most definitely wrestling with God. I mean I can. I'm just thinking of specific memories of being in the shower and just crying out to God Like do you see what's happening? Do you care when things you know, when the system's broken, we all know that. And so when there's injustice happening or when I perceive something as being unfair, or you know a child not being properly advocated, for there's definitely been times where I'm like Lord, where are you in this? And it reminds me.
Speaker 2:I've been reading through the Old Testament again and I'm going through Deuteronomy and it was so sweet, even just last week, like it was like Deuteronomy 8 and 9.
Speaker 2:And again, I didn't know. The Bible talks about foster care and it doesn't specifically, but it spoke to me. You know, through Moses, god is speaking to the Israelites and you know Moses is just recounting everything that God has brought them through and showing them time and time again how he's provided, how his timing is perfect, how he is sovereign and sufficient, his grace is sufficient over every obstacle they encounter. And then, you know, so he goes through all of this reminding them, and then at the end he is like don't forget these things. When it gets hard, it's like he's saying don't you know, don't doubt in the dark what you've seen in the light. And it was just like oh, that's me almost monthly in my foster care journey Like God will show up, he will prove his timing is perfect, he will prove that his grace is sufficient and that he's sovereign. For that time and I'll be like, wow, god, look how you showed up. And then the very next, you know or the next month.
Speaker 2:I'm like, yeah, he doesn't even hear me, he doesn't even know the situation. Yes, yes, I'm not as far along in my reading plan. He doesn't even hear me.
Speaker 1:He doesn't even know the situation. Yes, yes, I'm not as far along in my reading plan. I have kind of taken my time a little bit. So I'm in Exodus and this morning I'm reading about Moses, when he's on the mountain and the Israelites are at the bottom of the mountain and they just said yes, god, we will follow you wherever We've just seen you do these miraculous things in Egypt and to get us out of Egypt and part the Red Sea and all the things. Yes, we will be your people. Now let's make a golden calf, right? Like you're taking too long and so we're going to push this along ourselves, right? Yeah, I think we're all prone to do that.
Speaker 1:But it is funny, like when we read the word. I think sometimes we can say those Israelites what are they thinking? Like you just saw God part the Red Sea, how could you go and do this? And then we turn around and do the exact same thing where we see these big things. And I do think in foster care we see some miraculous things, we see God move in some really big ways. But then the next day we turn around and we doubt because you know what we're seeing or the circumstances don't look like we think that they should yeah exactly, exactly.
Speaker 2:I've never identified more with the Israelites than when I started being a foster mama. Identifies with the Israelites.
Speaker 1:Yes, a million times over. And don't you think it creates an intimacy with God that would be hard to find otherwise, just because of your level of dependence?
Speaker 2:Oh, completely. You know, just not long ago, maybe a couple weeks ago, I was in the car and I was complaining to the Lord about our current situation. I mean, you know, we're in kind of, we're fostering this child. We've been fostering her for a really long time and we're still in a waiting period for permanency, for an outcome. I'm complaining to the Lord like this is really hard and this is why more people don't do this.
Speaker 2:I had this sense. It was one of those times it wasn't an audible voice that said to me this is just as much for you as it is for her, as it is for anyone else, like he's, like you're in this space, you're in this time and space and journey for you. Like I'm refining you, mandy, I am teaching you things that you need to know about me, you things that you need to know about me. And I, just I was like in that moment, discipled by the Holy Spirit and just like an aha of what God is doing in my life. I wouldn't get in any other way than it is for me, and it's hard, but it's so, so good, and that intimacy that you're talking about.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think a lot of times those hard things right, you don't have control. By the way, I do think God handpicks all the control freaks and he drops them into foster care for exactly that reason to sanctify that out of us. But I think a lot of the reasons why people don't get involved in foster care because they know it's going to be hard and all of those things is exactly why people should right, because it is an act of faith. It is an act of having to rely on God in a way that you can't control, in a way that you do have to trust you have to learn to trust him in a way that maybe you don't already.
Speaker 1:It can sanctify us, it can make us look more like Jesus and, at the same time, really build our relationship with God, to build that trust and that affection, I think, for Him. So what are some of your favorite scriptures to?
Speaker 2:go to when you're struggling. Well, one was, honestly, I mean, I've learned so much from you, nicole, over the years, and one that I will go back to is Numbers 11, right, yeah, yeah, that's my favorite. Yeah, I mean I will. I will literally highlight it in my Bible and I will go back and read that just because of the beautiful wordage. I mean, I think it's sweet of scripture to say those things If you're not familiar.
Speaker 2:I mean Moses is complaining to God about the Israelites, poor Israelites we're throwing them under the bus today, but you know he's complaining to God about them. You've given me these people and the words that he uses, you know it translates to you've given me these children that I didn't even bear, and so it's like I have felt that, you know, in our, in our adoptive parent story, we are in a very real sense, raising other people's children, biological children, and there are issues from trauma that it is a difficult burden to bear and we didn't create it. And yet God has given us this assignment and it's beautiful and I love it, but it's hard. And man Moses is just speaking my language in that section of scripture.
Speaker 1:Oh, me too. So the way that the scripture that Mandy's talking about, the way that it kind of came into my life. I was in a season where, one of the hardest seasons of my life, I was at rock bottom. We were having some really, really difficult times and I just needed something. And I went to a Bible study and a lady was talking about Numbers 11, but she was talking about it from the perspective of manna and the Lord providing manna, and I thought, well, I need a little manna today. I'm going to go look up Numbers 11. And it does talk about the manna. That's why the Israelites are complaining.
Speaker 1:But I'll read what it says. So it says Moses said to the Lord why have you dealt ill with your servant and why have I not found favor in your sight that you lay burden of all this people on me? Did I conceive all this people? Did I give them birth? That you should say to me carry them in your bosom, as a nurse carries a nursing child to the land that you swore to give their fathers. Where am I to get meat to give all of these people For they weep before me and say give us meat that we may eat?
Speaker 1:I'm not able to carry all this people alone. The burden is too heavy for me. If you will treat me like this, kill me at once If I find favor in your sight that I might not see my wretchedness. And I thought, lord, this has been my cry right, and part of my struggle in that season is I didn't feel close to God. I kind of felt forgotten and alone and I felt like I had displeased him in my struggle, the fact that I was struggling to carry all that we were carrying in that season, and I felt like he had kind of turned his back on me honestly.
Speaker 1:And so, reading that scripture, I was like this is what this has been my cry, lord, that I can't carry all of this weight alone. I can't. I don't know how to do this, I'm not good at this. And at the end, you know, moses is like kill me now and and all of this stuff. But the reason that he says that is he says that I might not see my own wretchedness. He starts to see his own struggle and the darkness in his heart as he's put in difficult situations, as he's carrying a heavy load. And that was exactly my issue is.
Speaker 1:I was starting to see the darkness in my heart that I wasn't this great, great person that was able to do all of these wonderful things with ease, like Cinderella. Floating around just keeping the house tidy and making sure everybody had everything that they needed was really, really hard, but it gave me such hope because I'm like Moses was a friend of God. He was not forgotten by God. In fact, he was closer to God than most.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean he's a hero of the faith, right, but he's yucky and he's messy.
Speaker 1:Yes, Well, and I think that he actually saw the yucky and the messy more clearly than a lot of the Israelites did because of his closeness with God, and it gave me such hope and such just kind of like okay, okay, God, you one, I'm not meant to carry all of this alone. I don't have to carry it alone. You didn't mean that for me, but also you're not far from me. You're not turning your back on me because I'm struggling.
Speaker 2:Well and that's exactly another thing that I pulled out of that scripture was we're not meant to do this alone. And so what does God provide? Like he hears Moses, he sees him where he's at, and then he provides. Like the 70 elders he's like OK, I'll give you some help. And God has done that for us in the form of community.
Speaker 2:God has said OK, I will bring you community to carry some of this burden alongside of you guys and ease the load a little bit. And so you know professionals that have come into our lives, therapists, educators, you know that are part of our community, of course, people at church, and I could name so many. But God has provided that, which was another thing that that scripture really spoke to me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that was, that was really good. That was really good. And I think that it kind of poked me a little bit to make sure that I wasn't hiding away in our struggles, that I was allowing other people to come into our story and help us with different things church, community, friends, you know, not being ashamed of our struggle, but really being walking in humility and just saying, hey, this is really hard and we need some help.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's so hard to do, but so worth it. We can carry it along?
Speaker 1:Yeah, definitely. Well, if you could give foster parents or adoptive parents one encouragement in their faith, what would that be?
Speaker 2:Well, I would say that it is absolutely worth it, that it is the hardest thing that we've done and we moved our family with small kids overseas and that was really hard. But fostering and adopting is the hardest thing that I've personally done, but that it's so worth it in the richness of life. The things that I see, as I mentioned earlier, that it's producing in my children, honestly, the things that I see that it's producing in our community, in our neighborhood, with other people who might have, you know, stereotypes of foster children or, and then they meet our children and then they kind of see oh, they're kids, you know what I see. This journey, this ministry producing in people, is worth the hard and I would absolutely do it again.
Speaker 2:And I think, being obedient to God's call, he will provide exactly what you need and I am a testament of that Every single time that there's been just a dire need and we cry out to the Lord like Lord, this is a hurdle that I don't know how to get over and he's provided exactly what we needed, whatever that may be in the season. And so I would just offer that I would be honest with new or prospective foster and adoptive parents that it is really hard. It can be really difficult, but that it is so worth it and the impact worth it for me personally in my faith journey. But then the impact that you get to have in a child's life and offering a Christ-centered home to a child is worth anything. There's nothing in life that's not worth that a child is worth anything.
Speaker 1:There's nothing in life that's not worth that. I love that. Well, mandy, thank you for being with us today. I have really enjoyed our time together and I know that you have provided so much value and encouragement for foster and adoptive families. So thank you. Thanks for having me. Anytime, if you are interested in learning more about the Jesus Film Project or how you can support Mandy and her husband, jason, on their missionary journey, I will leave a link in the show notes to connect with them. I will also leave a link for our Foster Parent Well Facebook community. I would love to have you join us over there so that we can continue to encourage one another as we seek to foster parent.
Speaker 1:Well, now let me close us in a word of prayer. Lord Jesus, we humbly sit at your feet and ask for strength for today. Help us cast off worry for tomorrow and to trust that your grace is sufficient for each and every day. Give us community, lord, to surround us and lift us up when we get weary, and sanctify us in truth. Help us to be better parents and better representatives of you. We love you. We trust you In Jesus' name, amen.