Foster Parent Well
Foster Parent Well is the go-to podcast for foster and adoptive parents who are navigating the complexities of parenting children with trauma while trying to stay sane in the process. Hosted by Nicole T Barlow, a foster and adoptive mom of six, parent trainer, and wellness coach, this podcast is where faith, resilience, and practical strategies come together.
If you're feeling burnt out, overwhelmed, or just plain exhausted from the daily realities of foster care and adoption—you're not alone. Here, we have real conversations about the hard stuff: attachment struggles, secondary trauma, parenting beyond behaviors, and the deep emotional weight of loving kids from hard places. But we also talk about you—your health, your nervous system, your faith, and the small, sustainable ways you can care for yourself so you can keep showing up for your kids.
Expect practical tips, faith-based encouragement, expert insights, and zero sugarcoating—just real, honest talk about what it takes to foster well, adopt well, and most importantly, stay well in the process.
Because parenting kids with trauma is a marathon, not a sprint—and you were never meant to run it alone.
🎧 Subscribe now and let’s do this together!
Foster Parent Well
Mobilizing the Church for Foster Care with Dr. John DeGarmo
Dr. John DeGarmo, founder of the Foster Care Institute and foster parent to over 60 children, takes us on a powerful journey into the heart of foster care ministry. Having witnessed firsthand the transformative impact of faith communities on vulnerable children, Dr. John makes a compelling case for why foster care represents "the next great mission field" for today's churches.
The statistics are sobering – millions of children experience domestic violence daily, and the foster care system is overwhelmed nationwide. But rather than seeing only crisis, Dr. John reveals the extraordinary opportunity standing before faith communities. "There's usually a child in crisis within a mile of every church," he explains, challenging listeners to recognize the mission field that exists in their own neighborhoods.
Drawing from decades of experience and his doctorate in foster care, Dr. John offers practical strategies for church involvement that extend far beyond direct fostering. From establishing support groups and clothes closets to creating welcoming visitation spaces for biological families, he demonstrates how congregations can become powerful agents of healing. Particularly moving are his stories of churches that wrapped around reunified families, preventing children from returning to care by providing practical support during crises.
What shines through most clearly is Dr. John's unwavering faith amid heartbreak. Having experienced four failed adoptions and cared for children with profound trauma, he speaks candidly about relying on God through exhaustion and discouragement. "I couldn't do it without my faith," he shares, echoing the experience of 85% of foster parents nationwide who draw strength from their spiritual foundations.
Dr. John DeGarmo Website: https://www.drjohndegarmofostercare.com/
Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100078889265859
Nicole T Barlow email: nicoletbarlowcoaching@gmail.com
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Connect with me on Instagram: @Fosterparentwell
@nicoletbarlow https://www.instagram.com/nicoletbarlow/
Website: https://nicoletbarlow.com/
Welcome to the Foster Parent Well podcast, where we have real candid, faith-filled conversations about all things foster care, adoption and trauma. I'm your host, nicole T Barlow. I'm a certified parent trainer, a certified health coach and an adoptive parent myself. This is a space where you can find support so that you can care for your kids with a steadfast faith, endurance and joy. I want you host, Nicole T Barlow.
Speaker 1:Depending on where you live, this may or may not be true for you, but for us, depending on where you live, this may or may not be true for you, but for us, school is back in session and we are back to routine. Well, for my family, we're actually starting a whole new routine. My youngest three kids have always been homeschooled, but this year they are all attending a physical school of some sort. So now we're getting up early and navigating car line y'all. And just a side note, whoever made up the thing where you need to get in afternoon car line an hour and a half early just so you aren't at the very end of the line? I'm not sure I'm loving that part, but we are all adjusting and we are all excited about this next year and all that it can bring. I think it's going to be really good some really good changes for my family. I'm also really excited about this next year on the podcast.
Speaker 1:This season we have some really amazing guests scheduled and we're going to navigate together the many dynamics that we face in foster care, adoption and faith. Today we are kicking things off with Dr John DeGarmo. Dr John is an expert in parenting and foster care and is a TEDx Talk presenter. Dr John is the founder and director of the Foster Care Institute. He and his wife have had over 60 children come through their home as foster parents. He is the author of several foster care books and has appeared on CNN, hln, good Morning America, nbc, fox, cbs and PB stations across the nation.
Speaker 1:We're going to be discussing the importance and the role of the church in foster care today. I truly believe that the crisis that we see in foster care is just waiting for the church to really respond. The Lord has prepared us to meet this need. So how do we do that? How do we share and encourage others in the church to step in? How do we share a realistic picture of what being a foster parent looks like but simultaneously share God's faithfulness in the midst of it all we're going to talk about it today. Let's get started. Hi, john, welcome to the podcast. Tell us a little bit about yourself, introduce yourself and tell us how you got involved in the foster care world.
Speaker 2:Sure, I'm Dr John or Dr John DeGarmo. I'm founder and director of the Foster Care Institute. I work with child welfare agencies, foster care programs, legislators across the country and globe trying to reform the foster care system and help with retention and recruitment and just make the system better for everybody. Overall, I've been a foster parent myself to over 60-plus children who have come through our home and been a part of our family and, of course, have adopted three, and my wife and I became foster parents after the death of our first child in Australia, where my wife is from, and then moving back to the US. We wanted to help more children.
Speaker 2:I was actually teaching in a rural school system in middle Georgia at that time this is late, late 1990s we moved back to the US and I had some kids in my classroom.
Speaker 2:A lot of kids in my classroom were victims of neglect and abuse and abandonment in this very, very small rural town with lots of rural apathy and rural poverty.
Speaker 2:And I also had a lot of victims of human trafficking in my classroom too, because at that time in this rural community in the late 90s there was the largest child sex trafficking ring in America happening under everybody's noses Wow, and actually, the person was eventually arrested for bringing over 1,000-plus children over state lines for trafficking in this small town maybe 3,000, 4,000 people, and so a lot of those kids, a lot of those survivors, were in my classroom. So I went to my wife and said, hey, we lost our first child. We have three healthy children now and we both have led a life of serving others in some way. That's how we met traveling the world, singing and dancing in a performing group that also did a lot of outreach, and so these kids are in my classroom. How can we help others? So that led to us becoming foster parents. That led to me getting my doctorate in foster care and writing umpteen books, and now I'm blessed to travel the globe helping others.
Speaker 1:Well, tell me how faith plays a part in your journey.
Speaker 2:Oh, for me, I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it without it. I mean, you know, I write in my book Faith and Foster Care. I couldn't do it without my faith. You know, 85% of foster parents state that they rely on their faith to help them through foster parenting. You know, foster parenting, even though it's the most rewarding thing I've done, the most life-changing thing I've done, it's also been the hardest thing I've done.
Speaker 2:You know, there have been some times where we did not agree with the reunification. There have been times where we've also experienced four failed adoptions, which are all heart-wrenching. There have been times where we've had kids and we've had as many as 11 kids in our house at the same time, including seven in diapers, and both my wife and I work full-time jobs. She's a doctor of naturopathic medicines and we don't have no help, so that can be exhausting on so many levels. So there are days where I say, god, I cannot do this today. I'm burned out, I'm worn down, I'm exhausted, my heart is broken. I'm struggling with this child who has anger issues. I've got seven in diapers. I got to get taken care of before school starts for the kids. I'm worn down. So you know, I look to my faith to help me through, and my wife too. You know we both are very strong people in our faith, so we rely upon that, and you know. And then we look at our church.
Speaker 2:As I wrote in the book the Church and Foster Care, I believe that the next great mission for today's faith-based organizations whatever faith that is is the foster care program here in America. We don't have to go to Mexico or Honduras or Nicaragua I've done all that to find a mission field. There is a mission field in every community. There's usually a child in crisis within a mile of every church. In some way You've got 5 million kids who experience domestic violence in their house every single day. So there's an opportunity for the church to really create a strong foster care outreach program, strong foster care ministry, if you will, to help the foster parents, help the kids, help the birth parents, who are also children of God. So yeah again, my faith is prominent in my foster parenting experience and I know it is for the majority of foster parents.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I really don't know how you do it. So I train for a local Christian foster care agency. So the way that we train foster parents is we take the state training but we incorporate faith aspects and the gospel and all of that into the training and help parents I mean it's training missionaries, right, and so we help parents kind of learn how to navigate the system from a faith perspective. I don't see how you do it otherwise, like I don't know how you teach people to do this and just suck it up.
Speaker 1:Whereas my wife says suck it up buttercup a driving factor into why we got into this. It's a driving factor for why we keep going. I think it becomes harder if you don't have that. So how do we help the church recognize this need and really step up to answer this call to make this the next great mission?
Speaker 2:You know, in that book, the Church and Foster Care, there are several strategies. Every chapter is filled with different strategies a church can use to create a foster care ministry, as I mentioned, in their own church. You know, not everybody can be a foster parent, not everybody should be a foster parent, but everybody can help in some way and there are many ways. Faith-based organizations can do that by coming alongside a foster parent support group association and hosting it, by having clothes closets or food ministry, by coming alongside foster parents during the holidays and providing gifts for birthdays and Christmases, to having a clothes closet, hygiene items, school supplies. Those are just a few of the mentors Yep having a clothes, closet, hygiene items, school supplies.
Speaker 2:Those are just a few of the mentors, just a few of the many, many ways that faith-based organizations and just people in general can help children in foster care.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think all of that is really important. When we got into this, our church, when we first stepped into foster care, our church was already starting that path to create a foster care ministry. And then About halfway through our journey, we changed churches and I went to the pastor and I'm like, hey, I would like to start a foster care ministry and he said, no, we will never do anything like that here.
Speaker 2:Right and I'm like okay.
Speaker 1:And so I mean I just let it go and I just prayed like Lord, make sure that we have support, surround us with people who naturally support us in our natural community, and all of those things. And we did, we had that natural support. But, very interesting, as we prayed through that, there became so many foster families that stepped up in this church just organically, that a year later that same pastor came to me and said, okay, we've got to do something. We have too many foster parents in this church and we're not supporting them. We need a ministry to support them. And it grew into a thriving foster care ministry that was recognized by child welfare agencies and the Children's Bureau and all of those different things. But it was just organically. God grew this thing even when the pastor was saying that he didn't want to. So you know, I think prayer is another way that we can step into that and it doesn't. That doesn't necessarily, I mean provide the structure that you were talking about, but it helps, I think, kind of initiate that process.
Speaker 2:Oh, prayer, to be sure, and my book, faith and Foster Care, talks about how we can pray for the foster parents, the birth parents, who are also children. I mean, these birth parents may have committed heinous crimes towards the children. At the same time they're still children of God. God loves them just as much as he loves you and I. Our sins are no smaller than theirs. Their sins are no bigger than ours in God's eyes, and many times birth parents are struggling with their own issues of trauma, issues of anxiety, where they never got the professional help that they needed.
Speaker 2:You know, one of the things I do is I travel the nation working with faith-based foster care programs like yours and churches. I speak at a lot of churches to help them set up their foster care ministry, because many say, hey, we don't know where to start. We don't know where to start, or maybe they're not, they don't have the awareness. I'm a firm believer that awareness equals advocacy. If we can bring awareness to these issues that was happening in their community there's a mission within each mile of every church then that helps us to get more advocates for these children and for the foster care system in general.
Speaker 1:Yeah, absolutely. How do you think we I mean you've mentioned several times some of the brokenness we see in this world right, which can be very heavy, very hard to carry, to watch kids that you love go home to homes that you know are not safe yet to watch, to even watch biological parents that are struggling because of their own trauma, probably no fault of their own to begin with, and they just haven't healed? So you're seeing all of this brokenness and hurt. How do you reconcile that with your faith?
Speaker 2:Well, you know, I never set out to be a foster parent. It was nothing. I never wanted to do. I believe a lot of the misconceptions that kids in foster care are bad kids and foster parents are weird people. That last one's true, it's very true.
Speaker 2:It's a completely different kind of lifestyle when you have a child in your crisis, in your home, 24 hours a day, seven days a week. That has issues of trust, issues of attachment. So I didn't want to do it, but it's something that I believe that God has certainly planned on me to do. But I think I reconcile the fact that you know I love the story, the starfish story. Are you familiar with the starfish story?
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:For those of you listeners who aren't familiar with it, very, very, very briefly. It's a father and son walking along a beach after a huge storm one night and the next morning the sun's coming up. The beach is loaded, littered with starfish, from one end of the beach to the other, thousands of starfish. And the sun's starting to come up and the sun's starting to bake the starfish and they're starting to die. And the sun bends down and picks up a starfish, throws in the ocean, bends down to pick up another one, throws in the ocean. Finally, he father says son, there are thousands of starfish, you can't make a difference. And the son thinks about it. He bends down, throws another one in the ocean, says I made a difference for that one. And that's how I feel it is with these children. And I often tell foster parents, I often tell foster parents that years from now, these children who we're caring for in our home, they may never remember a name and they may never remember a face, but they'll remember something for a time in their life, and maybe the only time in their life, those children were loved. And I can't change the world and you can't change the world. But for those children in our home today. Their world is changed. So if we can change the life of a child, even one child, to me that is well worth it.
Speaker 2:You know Matthew 25, 35, which is one of the quotes in one of my books. It says For I was hungry, you gave me something to eat. I was thirsty, you gave me something to drink. I was naked, you gave me clothing. That's to me, that's these children. These are God's children. These are God's children. So we are all called to care for these children. But, yeah, there are days where I thought, you know, the system has failed this child. I'm upset, I'm angry, my heart is broken. I can't continue this anymore. Am I making a difference? But then I look at a child who's learning how to smile for the very first time in my home, or that child who's learning how to trust for the first time, or the child whose first four words they could learn how to speak was I love you, mommy. And she said that to my wife and I think, yeah, this is all worth it.
Speaker 1:This is all worth it, absolutely. Well, what do you think discourages Christians from stepping into this space? Because I think so many Christians are looking for purpose. They do want to make a difference. So then, what keeps them back from stepping into something like this, and not necessarily stepping up to foster, but stepping up to serve in some way?
Speaker 2:Well, you know, when I talk about human trafficking which there are certain aspects of human trafficking that cross over with foster care I often tell people that a human I've written this dozens of times and told the media this a thousand times there are. Human trafficking is America's ugly secret. It makes us feel uncomfortable so we don't address it, we brush under the carpet, pretend it does not exist. Same thing with foster care. These are not stories that are heartwarming. These are stories that are heartbreaking and so many people might think you know what. I can't do that. Or they believe it's too hard to get the kids back. Or they believe these kids are bad kids. Or they believe I don't know where to start. Or they think you know those foster parents. I knew they were just kind of crazy.
Speaker 2:So there's a lot of those misconceptions or misbeliefs that might prevent somebody from doing it. You know, I tell people you don't have to be rich, you don't have to have a big house, you don't have to be married, you just have to have really a heart to care for these children and then call up after you talk to your partner or spouse about it because you both have to be on board. It's critical that are both on board. In fact the whole family unit has to be on board or it's not going to work. Then you call the Shaw Welfare Agency and say I'm ready to start. But as I said earlier, not everybody can be a foster parent, but they can help in other, different ways.
Speaker 1:Absolutely so. How do we encourage other people to do that? How do we get you know, how can our listeners, who are foster parents that have a passion for this space, they see the need, they understand the needs, and I mean a lot of times I see foster parents get into this and they're like everybody should know about this. But how do they practically help encourage others to step up without let me put it in a caveat without kind of overwhelming people, because I think when people aren't in this space sometimes we can be like a tidal wave of information because we do get to be so passionate about it.
Speaker 2:Well, that passion is important, to be sure.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah yeah, you know, I think, as I said earlier, awareness equals advocacy. If you could share some of the life-changing experiences that foster parents face with others, you bring a little bit of awareness to these children and they want to help those kids. And then sometimes I think you just said your own church they saw people foster parenting. You lead by example. You lead by example, you share some stories and then you can ask others for help. You know I need help. I need help with meals or I need help with clothes or might be, and that might lead to somebody becoming a foster parent as well.
Speaker 2:You know, one of the things that we're doing here in the state of Georgia is we're traveling across the state of Georgia. I'm working with AmeriGroup, which is the health care provider of the state for kids in foster care. We're traveling from one end to the other to help with recruitment and retention. One thing we're doing is we're helping to establish foster parent support groups in those areas that don't have it. Many times when a church sets up a foster parent support group in their church and somebody's volunteering whether it's providing meals, doing daycare, but I found over and over again, not just in Georgia but across country, is some of those volunteers are saying you know what? Maybe I love doing this, Maybe I'm ready for the next step, Maybe I'm ready to take that next, to go to the next level here and have these children placed in my home as well. And also there's respite. There's also respite care. Some people can't do it full time, but maybe they can do it for the weekends and help other foster parents out through respite care.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, we've seen that too. We're at a really big church now that started a foster care ministry like two years ago, and we have seen we've already had like three foster parents become licensed because they originally started out as volunteers bringing meals, bringing whatever, and then they realized, hey, we could do this. I think when you see it up close it becomes easier, it becomes not so foreign, it becomes a real tangible thing where you can visualize yourself in that position.
Speaker 2:Oh, absolutely, I agree, 100%, yes, yes.
Speaker 1:So how do you take what you know? Right, you have a doctorate in foster care. How do you take what you know and apply it in your home on a regular basis, both in a faith aspect and a trauma-informed aspect? How does that play out? Because I think sometimes people learn stuff but have trouble applying it practically.
Speaker 2:Well, I've lived in Michigan, Delaware, new York, spent a lot of time living in Sweden for a while, and I recognize that every snowflake is beautiful and unique. It's the same with every child. Every child is different and unique, which means every time a child comes to my home, it's going to be a different experience and the children may have come from similar backgrounds. Maybe I've had kids placed in a home who has similar backgrounds, maybe it's even a large sibling group. We've had several sibling groups of three, four and five, but they're all going to react differently. So that means part of my training tells me that I need to continue to adapt. I need to continue to learn for each child. What works with one child is certainly not going to work with another child, even though they have mirroring experiences, even though they're in the same family. So that means it's continuing education. That's one of the things we're doing as the foster care institute is. We try to continue to provide education because during 2020, we lost a lot of good foster parents. A lot of good foster parents. What we did when you have 5 million children experience domestic violence in their house every day? We locked those kids at home with their abusers and we said schools are closed, you can't go to school because it's unsafe. Well, instead we locked them at home with their abusers 24 hours a day, with no mandated reporter. We lost a lot of good foster parents, and today's foster parents are not really equipped to handle what I think is the real pandemic mental health. We're in a mental health crisis. So when you have children placed in your home who have issues of mental health, we're in a mental health crisis. So when you have children placed in your home who have issues of mental health, you've got to constantly adapt, update, learn new skills.
Speaker 2:As far as a faith-based part, you know we just model it every single day, at all times in our life. You know our house is a house of prayer. Our house is a house of faith. I told my kids a long time ago my oldest is 29. I told her a long time ago doesn't matter what you're doing Saturday night, doesn't matter how late you get home Saturday night, sunday morning, we're going to church as a family and we're praying together as a family and because these kids and their place in our home, they're members of our family and so they will. No, they're coming from different faiths. Of course. We will embrace that. We embrace different cultures, so we're always embracing new things, including different aspects of people's faith, but we're also going to practice our faith Now. We don't preach it, to be sure, but we practice it Now.
Speaker 1:We don't preach it to be sure, but we practice it yeah, yeah. And do you see that that makes a difference in kids and in biological parents that you work with, in your ability to share love and hope in a way that maybe some other people aren't?
Speaker 2:Oh, to be sure. Yes, yes, yes, yes. I think a lot of people see these children. Their hearts are broken, they don't know what to do, and then we can come alongside them in a faith fashion and say you know what? We are all hurting in some way, but there is love out there and I believe that every child deserves well.
Speaker 2:Kids in foster care need three things, I believe Stability structure more than anything else. Unconditional love. Yeah, foster parents tell me. People always tell me I can't do what you do. It hurts too much to give the kids back, and that's how it's supposed to be. It's exactly how it's supposed to be.
Speaker 2:These kids need us to love them with all of our hearts. So they do, for whatever reason it might be. Yes, our hearts are broken, but we've given them a gift of love that, hopefully, will blossom into something much richer for them. And that's the same way with God's love. You know God loves each of us too, and I think we can share that with other people who might not see it.
Speaker 2:You know, I've had some kids that come to my home and when they go to our church on Sunday morning and people are there waiting at the door for our kids for foster care to sweep them up, to give them hugs, to give them hugs, to give them love, to give them attention, whatever it might be. That's helping these children form healthy attachments with others as well. It's helping these children to build trust with others as well, because kids in foster care often struggle with issues of trust, issues of attachment. It's going to take them for some of them it may take a long time to trust my wife and I. It's going to take them for some of them.
Speaker 2:It may take a long time to trust my wife and I. We also need to help them develop other healthy relationships with caring, safe adults, and I think sometimes that can happen in the church setting as well. It certainly happens in our house.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, I agree. I remember one time we took our kids to church one of the first times and the next week we come back and it's the same people that are like saying hi and they were like, oh, I saw those people last week. You know, a lot of times kids coming into care may not have tight community that they see on a regular basis. If they did have good community then they would probably be placed with them and not in a foster home. So you know, being able to see and form a world's view that it's not just these people that are safe, but the world can be a safe place.
Speaker 2:And that's part of that stability you talk about, because you're having a stable relationship. That's part of the consistency, because they are seeing the same people as you mentioned week after week after week. Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so that can be a big difference. How can the church wrap around biological parents?
Speaker 2:Well, to begin with, prayer yeah, to be sure, prayer. You know, one of the things I've loved doing across the country is helping churches establish a program called well, in some churches it's called Safe Haven. For example, a church will have a ministry program where, instead of a visitation being held at a cold, judgmental child welfare office in the eyes of the birth parents, because it's a place they don't want to be.
Speaker 2:To be sure, a church can have visitations at their church where the foster parent drops off the child and goes and does shopping or go to the movies or go out to eat, where it might be. The birth parents come to the church, which is a warm, welcoming, neutral environment. Church volunteers are there, they've been trained to monitor and supervise the visitation and the birth parents can be there again. An environment that is hopefully a neutral environment. It's not the child welfare office, where they may have preconceived notions right about where they may think is the bad place, um, where it's not cold and you know, and and and stuffy, if you will. Uh, and hopefully those church members will be able to show they'll treat them in a nonjudgmental fashion but instead meet them with kindness, compassion, patience, caring and love. And who knows, that might change the birth parent as well, because for some birth parents it might be the first time they've ever walked into a church, correct. Or it could be for the first time they've walked into a church and not felt judged or criticized or looked at in a bad fashion. Maybe they had poor experiences in their own church as a child. So I think that's a great way.
Speaker 2:Some churches and again that's another ministry we talk about that in the book the church and foster care as well. So prayer, a program like that, maybe helping after reunification to continue to wrap around some services for reunification 50% of kids in foster care are reunified. Of that, 50%, 20% to 30% come back into care after reunification. Because maybe the birth parents sink back in their own depression, their own addictions. Maybe they are struggling with additional stress that they weren't prepared for, maybe they've. Whatever they might be, maybe, and the CPS is long gone, yeah, because the reunification has happened and CPS is off to the next child. So maybe the church can come around and help birth parents in that fashion as well. Again, those are just a few of the many, many ways the church can help.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we had that happen one time. So there was a birth parent, the foster parent was in our church. Kids were reunified with the birth mom. The birth mom had gotten kind of involved or kind of plugged in. Some people had started pouring into her at our church and when she got reunified she had a job. They have to keep a job, keep housing all of these things, and as a single mom that can be a lot sometimes. Well, her car she got in a car accident and her car was totaled and so she didn't have a car. Well, that one thing can be something that completely pushes them over the edge.
Speaker 1:It completely pushes them over the edge. It could have meant those kids coming back into care, but it didn't because the church stood up. The church got her access to a car so that she could continue to go to her job, to earn money to pay for her housing, to keep everything stable. But she needed that community and I think a lot of times we forget that biological parents, when they are reunified with their kids, still need that community. We see that need for community and foster parents in our church members and stuff, but seeing the need for that in bio parents is awesome as well.
Speaker 2:You know, earlier today I met with a state representative out of the state of Michigan. It was actually the third meeting I had this week with at least one politician and every time I meet with them, I tell them the government can't do it by itself. Faith-based organizations have to come on side to help. In fact, during the June I think it was July of 2020, when the entire world was locked down, I said to heck with this. And I went to Washington DC with a good friend of mine, jen Lilly, who's a strong Christian, foster, adoptive parent, but she's also a movie star with Hallmark. Our book comes out next year together and we talked to legislators and said you know, we talked about reunification. We talked about reunification, reform, about these kids going into care and, I'm sorry, going back home and then further trauma, even death sometimes. And we addressed legislators across the country that, hey, the church has to come on board. You can't do it by yourself.
Speaker 2:50 different states, 50 different ways of doing foster care. None of them are perfect. Every state does it differently. Some do it better than others. Sure, it is all different, but none of them are thriving, if you will Right. Every state right now is struggling with retention. Every state is struggling right now with reunification I'm sorry, with recruitment, which is a lot of my work. I mean, I go across the country helping agencies with a. We have a seven platform recruitment policy, the foster care institute. So our legislators need to recognize that the faith-based organization has a vital part in this because it's in their community.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, and I mean it's people that are ready to serve, it's that ready-made community that's ready to serve.
Speaker 1:The city that I live in is currently in the process of becoming a foster-friendly city where we have churches and businesses kind of step up to commit to supporting foster parents and the foster care community and we have an event coming up.
Speaker 1:One of the things that we have done those of us that are planning the event is really reached out to churches and invited them Like come, hear how you can get involved, hear how you can stand up and be an answer to this call. And in our community we do have a lot of faith communities that have stood up and are kind of meeting that need. But it is still there's so much more that is needed in this process, in this realm, on this journey for foster parents, for biological parents, just for our city to be able to thrive, because this affects our communities all the way around. If we don't get involved here, right when kids are in foster care, when we see this need, if we don't get involved here, then it's going to be issues in our prison system, in our homeless population, in our drug population, in trafficking, right, like it kind of spreads out across the board and those kids most likely are going to grow up to be parents that have kids in the system.
Speaker 2:So that number is going to multiply 55% of kids who age out of the system will drop out of school, 65% end up incarcerated, 75% end up homeless and the cycle starts for over for so many. Two of the three have adopted are third generation foster care, which means their parents and grandparents were also in the system and the system failed them in some way. I often tell churches the same thing I tell legislators these aren't goods and services, these are children. So there should be a sense of urgency right now to help these children, because the longer we wait, the more time we have discussion and policy instead of action, the more we place children at risk.
Speaker 2:Just last week, I was at a church helping them set up a foster parent support group as part of ministry, and the foster parents come together once a month at the church. There is a meal cooked by the boundaries of the church, the church volunteers have. They supervise the children, playing games with children, where the foster parents have training afterwards. It's an opportunity for foster parents to come together again and a faith based organization they feel welcomed. Yeah, and foster parents can can join each other. They need, they have to have a support group of some fashion, otherwise, and that's why we lost so many foster parents in 2020, because we, we stopped that, we, we, we forbid that and for a lot of churches, you know, they think, okay, this is a great way to start. It's a great way to start. And then again I mentioned earlier time, after time, I see people starting these foster parent support groups at their church and then say you know what, how can I help more? And then that might lead to another foster parent.
Speaker 1:Well, when you see the need, when you see the need, I think it's harder to turn away.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes Right.
Speaker 1:Well, dr John, how can people find you, how can they get in touch with you? How can they utilize the resources that you have to offer?
Speaker 2:Oh, thanks for asking. A quick search online. If you search Dr John DeGarmo, foster care expert, or if you search for the Foster Care Institute, my website will come up there. There's I mean goodness, think of it as a one-stop shop, if you will for all things. Foster care. Four years of podcasts I did webinars, videos, articles, not just for foster care adoption, kinship, parenting in general. Of course, I'm on social media Facebook, Twitter, youtube, linkedin. Dr John DeGramo foster care expert.
Speaker 1:So there's many, many ways to find me Awesome. Well, I'll link some of those in the show notes so that people can find them, but I thank you so much for joining me today. This was a wealth of knowledge for our listeners to kind of gain some wisdom on how to, you know, lean into their church communities, maybe recruit other people and encourage others to get involved.
Speaker 2:Thank you, and I just want to close with what I said earlier today. You know I can't change the world and you can't change the world, but for that child you're caring for today, their world is being changed, and that's what God calls us to do.
Speaker 1:Thank you so much to Dr John DeGarmo for talking with us today. Those of us that are on the front lines of foster care and adoption really have the most potential to affect change. When it comes to the church's involvement, we know what it takes and for most of us, it is our passion. If you have questions on how to get your church involved or how to get other churches in your community involved, I would love to help. Feel free to connect with me on Instagram at Nicole T Barlow, or I will put my email in the show notes as well. As we close, let me pray for us.
Speaker 1:Father, we thank you for the gift of your church, the body you've called to be your hands and your feet in a world that's hurting. Today, we lift up every child in foster care, every biological family in crisis and every foster and adoptive family, saying yes to the hard and holy work of love. Lord, stir our hearts to see the needs around us and give us courage to respond. Break our hearts for what breaks yours and remind us that this calling is not about what we can do in our own strength, but about what you can do through us. We ask that you would protect and guide the children who feel unseen, that you would bring healing to the broken and that you would raise up your church to be a place of refuge, restoration and hope. May we leave this conversation not only inspired, but willing willing to pray, willing to serve, willing to give and willing to step into the mess, because that's exactly where you are. We love you, lord, we trust you.