Foster Parent Well
Foster Parent Well is the go-to podcast for foster and adoptive parents who are navigating the complexities of parenting children with trauma while trying to stay sane in the process. Hosted by Nicole T Barlow, a foster and adoptive mom of six, parent trainer, and wellness coach, this podcast is where faith, resilience, and practical strategies come together.
If you're feeling burnt out, overwhelmed, or just plain exhausted from the daily realities of foster care and adoption—you're not alone. Here, we have real conversations about the hard stuff: attachment struggles, secondary trauma, parenting beyond behaviors, and the deep emotional weight of loving kids from hard places. But we also talk about you—your health, your nervous system, your faith, and the small, sustainable ways you can care for yourself so you can keep showing up for your kids.
Expect practical tips, faith-based encouragement, expert insights, and zero sugarcoating—just real, honest talk about what it takes to foster well, adopt well, and most importantly, stay well in the process.
Because parenting kids with trauma is a marathon, not a sprint—and you were never meant to run it alone.
🎧 Subscribe now and let’s do this together!
Foster Parent Well
Seeing God's Fingerprints in Foster Care with Jessica Mathisen
Ever feel like your heart is being pulled in a thousand directions as a foster parent? Like you're supposed to be everything to everyone while somehow finding time to breathe? You're not alone.
In this soul-nourishing conversation, Jessica Matheson (author of "No Matter When I Go") shares her foster care journey and the freedom she found when she stopped trying to be her children's savior. With refreshing candor, she reflects on starting as a foster parent before having biological children, eventually adopting her teenage daughter, and learning that God's timeline rarely matches our own.
"Only the Spirit of God can bring healing to their lives," Jessica reminds us. "We can be an agent through which He works, but it's not our job to fix or heal." This perspective shift might be exactly what you need to hear today if you're drowning under the weight of unrealistic expectations.
We explore practical ways to help children recognize God's hand in their stories without dismissing their trauma. Jessica shares wisdom about going slow, prioritizing relationship over behavior modification, and showing kids what healthy family life looks like—sometimes that's enough.
Whether you're considering fostering, in the thick of placement challenges, or supporting someone who is, this episode offers gentle permission to release perfection and embrace obedience instead. God doesn't need us to overhaul our children's lives overnight; He simply asks us to be faithful with what's before us today.
Ready to see your foster parenting journey through fresh eyes? Listen now, and remember: you don't have to do it all. You just have to follow where He leads.
You can get to know her at www.jessicanmathisen.com, on Instagram @jessicanmathisen, and through her podcast, The Fullness of Joy.
I'd love to hear from you! Send me a text!
Connect with me on Instagram: @Fosterparentwell
@nicoletbarlow https://www.instagram.com/nicoletbarlow/
Website: https://nicoletbarlow.com/
Welcome to the Foster Parent Well podcast, where we have real candid, faith-filled conversations about all things foster care, adoption and trauma. I'm your host, nicole T Barlow. I'm a certified parent trainer, a certified health coach and an adoptive parent myself. This is a space where you can find support so that you can care for your kids with a steadfast faith, endurance and joy. I want you to foster parent well, so let's jump in. Hey friends, welcome back to the Foster Parent Well podcast.
Speaker 1:Can I ask you a heart level question today? Have you ever felt like your priorities are constantly being pulled in a hundred different directions, like you want to be present for your kids, serve your community, you want to pour into your marriage and still, somehow we still need to be responsible for how we care for our own heart and health, but there just aren't enough hours in the day. That's exactly where the Lord has been working on me lately. He's been gently reminding me that not everything can be first In this season. He keeps calling me to lay down my need to do it all and instead to keep Him at the center, trusting that when my priorities are aligned with His, he'll give me the strength and wisdom and peace that I need to show up well for my family and for the families that I serve. And that leads perfectly into today's conversation. I'm so excited to sit down with my friend, jessica Matheson, as we talk about what it looks like to see the hand of God in our stories and in our kids' stories. We both know that life doesn't always unfold the way that we expect, but when we take time to look back, we can see His fingerprints all over the journey and we can teach our kids to do the same.
Speaker 1:Jessica is the author of no Matter when I Go. She is a former elementary school teacher whose passion it is to communicate God's love to others through words and relationship. As a writer, speaker and podcaster, her greatest joy is helping women love God's word. She lives just outside of Atlanta, Georgia, and is a wife and mama to three kids through biology and adoption, so I'm so excited for her to be here today. Let's jump into this conversation. Well, welcome Jessica. Why don't you tell our listeners a little bit about yourself and how did you get into the foster care and adoption world?
Speaker 2:Yeah, so my name is Jessica Matheson. I'm really excited to get to chat with you today, and I actually my husband and I pursued foster care before we had biological kids. We talked about adoption on our very first date. Oh my gosh, I know, isn't that crazy.
Speaker 2:We had met online, so we had like been talking for a little while and then it was like I guess we're just going there, you know just talking about dreams and things, um, and foster care was not something that was on our radar until we walked through a little um, rough patch of infertility and you know, we were just kind of like, what do we do? We've got this empty house, what do we do? And some friends of ours told us about a conference that was at our church and it was for foster and adoptive parents but you could also go just to learn and so we attended. It was held by a local ministry there and hosted by our church at the time and we both left that day feeling like we were called to foster.
Speaker 2:We had no idea of the crisis, kind of in our backyard and I've been an elementary school teacher and my husband also had worked in the school system with the Head Start, pre-k and just seeing all kinds of different families and thinking like, oh, my goodness, this is literally right in our backyard and we could be serving and helping our community in this way, in a way that also is just, you know, a missional thing that we want to do to love the Lord. So that's kind of how we got into it. That's our story.
Speaker 1:I love that. I love when people say I mean, because I hear these stories all the time of like people that talk about adoption and foster care, like on their first dates, and I'm like, oh my gosh, I love that people just kind of throw it out there Listen, this is what's on my heart, this is kind of where I want to go with that, and I just think that's amazing that y'all could have those conversations early on. Well, what has your journey been like? How has it been through the years?
Speaker 2:Yeah, so, like I said, we started off before we had bio kids and we actually had. You know, the whole process takes so long to be licensed and all of that. You know that's like a whole thing. And so from the time of us saying like we want to be foster parents to becoming foster parents was like a whole year.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And then, but during that time, you know, we prayed and we were serving on a team, a care team for another foster family, and so we were getting to kind of see this thing happening in real life before us and it was. There was like a culture of foster care and adoption that was being cultivated at our former church and so it wasn't like this totally abnormal thing. Necessarily we had friends who were doing the same thing thing. Necessarily we had friends who were doing the same thing, and so that I think that really helped us to be able to step into it and say like, okay, like we at least know people that have done this before and could talk to them. So we had our first placement was a sibling group of three, and so zero to three overnight, just completely like what you know what has happened. They were 10, eight and seven and they were with us for a summer and then we took some time off and in that time it had to have been literally right after they left I got pregnant with our son and when I was six months pregnant with him, we received another placement who was 15 years old at the time, and she actually is our forever daughter.
Speaker 2:She's with us now. Still Well, doesn't live with us, but she's 22 now.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And then we, about a year after that, from the summer of 2020 to 2021, so summer to summer for about a year we had a tween girl live with us and during that time I got pregnant with our second bio child, who's now almost four. And then since then we've moved and, you know, had a lot of changes, and so we've closed our home for the time being but are in the midst of kind of trying to help revitalize the foster and adoptive ministry at our church and walk alongside people who are doing this for the first time and I'm just saying like, hey, we get it, you're not alone, creating that safe space and trying to create kind of that care model. And so that's kind of where we're at right now and just praying through what does this look for us in the future? Look like for us in the future, lord? Like where do you have us in this, in this whole sphere?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean we've been a journey.
Speaker 2:It's been a journey, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, I mean we've, but what does that look like? Like how do we invest in the foster care community? Because I think once you're pulled into it and your passion and your heart grows for this ministry, you can't leave. You have to be doing something, you have to do something, and so it's kind of walking with the Lord at any given moment and say, hey, what does this look like in this season? For us If it's not a season where we can foster or where we're meant to foster. How do we do this?
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So well. You recently wrote a book, a children's book, about foster care right. Yes, so, tell us a little bit about that.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So it's been really interesting because up until this point I had self-published. I wrote several devotionals and one of them in particular was a prayer guide for foster parents. So my heart was always there to serve the foster care community through my writing, because I love to write and my husband had actually told me for a long time you should write a kid's book. And I'm thinking at this point I'm self-publishing, that is way too hard to do, I don't have a story, I don't know how to find an illustrator, I'm like that is just too much, like that'll be another time down the road, whatever. And but I still did have this dream of traditionally publishing, working with a publisher, all the things. And so the Lord honestly dropped this opportunity in my lap where my publisher, the editor, she, found an essay that I had written online and it had some themes of foster care woven into it. It was kind of about my unorthodox journey to motherhood, because becoming a foster parent before becoming a bio mom. And she reached out because they had been looking for an author to partner with them on a resource for kids and they wanted specifically to have a resource for kids in foster care. And so she was like would you be willing to do this? And I'm like, are you kidding me? I'm like, yes, this is like perfect. I couldn't have dreamed this up myself. And so that was how it all came about.
Speaker 2:In the story it's called no Matter when I Go, and the Lord just really gave me this story because of the experiences that we had.
Speaker 2:The Lord just really gave me this story because of the experiences that we had.
Speaker 2:It follows a little girl who's placed in foster care, but along the way she has several different adults and, you know, safe people in her life who are repeating these encouraging words over her. And that came from our experiences we had. Like I said, we had the sibling group and then we had the two different girls and in each one of their circumstances and I think honestly, I feel like this could be unique to us, but maybe it's not but in each one of those situations we saw that we were not the first Christians that they had met. There were other people in their lives who were looking out for them, who had their eyes on them, who were praying for them, advocating for them. And you know, I think it's very easy within the foster care and adoption world to kind of like people whether you do it yourself or whether people do it to you to kind of like be on a pedestal of like oh my goodness, I can never do what you do. You're so amazing, whatever and that's just not the case Like we, obviously not the Savior.
Speaker 1:Jesus is the Savior.
Speaker 2:And so looking from that lens and seeing like, oh my goodness, you were working in their lives before they got to us. You already had people who were praying for them and speaking truth into their lives and we just get to be a small part.
Speaker 1:And so the story really evolved from that, like we just get to be a small part, and so the story really evolved from that, from our experiences. Wow, what a great opportunity to be able to do a couple of things to help show kids support as they are in care and really show how God's hand is there all along. But also to level that playing field a little bit and to say hey, as foster parents, and to show kids the foster parents are not magically going to save you and make something miraculous happen.
Speaker 1:Everything's going to be great, yeah, well, I mean, a couple of my kids thought that when they got adopted, because I think sometimes that is the narrative just a culture Right, and everything's rainbows and butterflies, because I have this forever family and it's all beautiful and yeah.
Speaker 1:Yes, and so then, once adoption actually happened and they didn't feel any different, You're like well, I'm just still with you. I'm just normal. Yeah, I think you know. I think it does a lot of things. I think it sets our kids up for failure and in their expectations. I think it sets the community's expectations of us up wrong, and I think I know for me. We adopted a big sibling group, a sibling group of five, and so there were several news stories about our family, ok, yeah.
Speaker 1:When we went through and everybody was like oh my gosh, you're so wonderful, you're so whatever. And for me it was really really hard, because then it felt like I had to live up to that.
Speaker 2:And that I couldn't mess up. I couldn't fail.
Speaker 1:I had to live up to this expectation that I was this great parent.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you're incredible yeah.
Speaker 1:You've just done this amazing thing, so keep it going and people would tell me how incredible of a parent that I was.
Speaker 2:They didn't know me. You don't even see me parent, you don't even know when I'm like put your shirt on.
Speaker 1:That's right. That's right. I mean, they didn't know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they just have this idealized thing because they've seen from afar like, oh my goodness, and you're like. You have no idea.
Speaker 1:You have no idea, I am crumbling over here.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm literally drowning, uh-huh Right.
Speaker 1:And so I think to level that playing field all in one swoop right, you're putting out this resource for kids, but I think it also gives a lot of grace to parents that you don't have to be something that you were never called to be. Right, yeah, that's incredible.
Speaker 2:And honestly I feel like that's something my husband and I are still learning through parenting and just saying, okay, you know what? Because for us, when we have this child in our home who's eight, 10, 15, 12, whatever, you're kind of thinking like if it's a long-term placement, you're like, well, we've got to just like instill so much into them, we've got to make up for all the years that have been lost and da da da. But like that is not our job and the weight of the world is not on our shoulders. I think of that scripture. I think I want to say it's in Lamentations, but it's like it talks about how God restores the years that the locusts have eaten. Like that's not our job to restore the years the locusts have eaten. Like the kids have been through hell and back, but it's not our job to then make up for all that lost time. Like only the spirit of God can bring that sort of healing in their lives and we can be an agent through which he works. But it's not our job or our responsibility to fix or heal. It's just our job to love and care and to walk with them and to show them, support and encourage them and have healthy relationships.
Speaker 2:But I think that is something that my husband and I have struggled with, because we feel like, like you're saying, we have to live up to a certain expectation or a certain standard that we have as parents, or you know, or even like with our kids, of like, well, we want them to do X, Y and Z, because this is you know, and we've just kind of begun to distinguish between expectations versus standards, like for us, like as believers, like of course we're, like there are certain standards that we feel like you know that's a good thing to have, like we're not going to lie, we're not.
Speaker 2:There are certain standards that we feel like you know that's a good thing to have, like we're not going to lie, we're not going to, you know, just, you know all the things. But as far as expectations go, like we have to let those go and trust that God is shaping and molding our kids bio or adopted or foster, like he's molding and shaping their lives and we can't enforce our expectations of what we think they should be doing or what they should be like on them it's just not fair and it's just a recipe for disaster.
Speaker 1:Ask me how I know For real. Well, I think all of us, as foster and adoptive parents, we go through that season some of us longer than others. I'm just speaking for myself here, yeah when we do put that expectation on ourselves, because culture almost puts that expectation on us and we can get sucked into it very, very quickly and you're never going to live up to that. I think there was at one point one of my lowest points. Somebody gave me the book None Like Him by Jen Wilkin, and it talks about the attributes of God that are not true of us. So she has another book that talks about we are made in his image. I think it's called.
Speaker 2:In.
Speaker 1:His Image where it's all the attributes of God that we do have. But then she has an opposite book all the attributes of God that we don't have.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's big. You know it's funny. I think that's sitting on my shelf and I haven't read it. Listen, you need to read it.
Speaker 1:Every foster parent needs to read it, because it was so freeing for me going. This isn't my job. This is not my job. This is not my job. This is his job.
Speaker 2:This is not my job, that's amazing.
Speaker 1:The whole way through reading that book. I'm just going this is not my job. This is not my job. In fact, I probably need to read it every year. Yeah, but I think that can be so, so difficult to step into these big things and kind of release it to the Lord and to teach our kids to do walking alongside of parents. Now, in your church community, when they're starting out, how do you help them start with a different frame of mind so that they're not walking in that hero mentality, even unknowingly.
Speaker 2:For sure. Well, it's interesting because I remember with our first placement, you know, we had them over the summer and then a little bit into the school year and we're kind of like they need to do this and do that and do that with school and all this kind of stuff and we're trying to get them to eat veggies. Oh, like you know, working mistakes Right and our one of the pastors on staff at our church at the time he had also fostered and we were like kind of talking to him about, well, we feel like they needed this and they needed that, and he was like, honestly, I don't really feel like you need to be doing all that. Like just like, keep them alive.
Speaker 1:And we were like what?
Speaker 2:Like I mean, no, that is not how you parent I mean, again, had never been parents at all no, we're just like no, like we have to do more than that. And then I remember also, like in a therapy session, like talking with a therapist and just saying you know, kind of talking about where the kids had been and all that we were trying to do, and I was like I mean, but you know, we're doing the best we can, it's better than nothing, or you know it's better than what they had before, you know whatever. And not like, oh, we're better, but you know what I'm saying the situation is a healthier situation.
Speaker 2:And she was like I feel like you're really dumbing down, playing down all that you are doing, because you're showing them what a healthy family looks like, you're showing them what a healthy marriage looks like.
Speaker 2:That just in itself is huge. And so those two things, when I think about that, I think, okay, our pastor was telling us like listen, you don't know how long they're going to be with you, just do the best you can with what you got and don't feel like you have to do everything. That was huge. But then my counselor, therapist, saying you know what, just you being you as a witness and that's huge. They're going to get so much just from seeing you live your life. That also is huge too. So I think, in talking with new foster parents, what I would like to say is just do the best you can with what you've got and take one day at a time, because you don't know if they are going to be with you two weeks, two months, two years, and you know if it does turn into like a long-term placement, like, of course, like keep going deeper, keep going deeper, keep going deeper, but don't set out on like day one or even month, month one, month two to try and be overhauling their entire lives and what we're doing?
Speaker 1:is we're doing, that we're?
Speaker 2:doing that you know, just like, do the best you can and keep it simple.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, well, and I think from their perspective too, if we try to overhaul their whole life right, then we're we're setting them up for failure.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they're like this is awful. What are you doing to me?
Speaker 1:Right, I talked to very random, but I talked to a girl in Walmart one time and she had just been reunified with her mom.
Speaker 2:Wow.
Speaker 1:And she told me you know, I don't talk to anybody like I'm. I'm that shopper that gets in, gets out. I don't stop and chit chat. But for some reason I just started talking to this girl and come to find out she was in foster care, and so I asked her how her experience in foster care was, because I wanted to know. And she said it was horrible because she had come out of a situation where she was allowed to do all kinds of stuff right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, just whatever, it was kind of free reign and she was doing a lot of things that she probably shouldn't be doing, right, but she kind of had free reign. And then she comes into this foster home a Christian foster home where she had to change the way that she dressed. She had to change the way that she talked, she had to change the way that she presented herself.
Speaker 2:She had to change the way that she talked.
Speaker 1:She had to change the way that she presented herself.
Speaker 2:She had to change the way that she ate.
Speaker 1:She had to change all of these activities that she was used to phone, tv, internet, all of that kind of stuff was taken away from her, not to mention some of the bad habits that she was doing before were taken away from her right. So her whole life was overhauled in an instant, because the foster family was expecting that she automatically conformed to their standards and all of their things. And for her it was a shock to her system. It was a completely different culture.
Speaker 1:And so I think, sometimes, when we set our expectations on those material things, on those outward things, kind of things, or even you were saying good things like eating veggies, but when we overhaul you know, when we do an overhaul that fast for a child, because our expectations are set on one thing and we try to do too much like you were saying I think it can be really really hard on the child that's going through that as well.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I feel like if I could go back and tell myself something, it would be like just go slow and trust God's timing, because I think there's a lot of decisions that we can make out of fear and it's just yeah. So sometimes I don't like this word, but it really is. It's so nuanced and you just really have to trust God in each situation to give you the wisdom you need. And I think if I could go back and tell myself I'd be like girl, you got to calm down.
Speaker 1:Well, I actually had somebody tell me that. I mean, so we had been fostering for a while when we got placement of our kids and I had a parent coach because things were so tough.
Speaker 2:I was not doing well during that season.
Speaker 1:I mean to go from one to six overnight was like it was not easy and my kids had had a lot of placements and a lot of trauma even in care, and so it was just a whole, whole ordeal and my parent coach told me I was like the lying, like I just can't get yeah past the lying like it was all day every day, every child, all the things, yeah, and she said, well, she goes.
Speaker 1:If you don't want them to lie, stop asking them them. And I'm like, wait what? And she goes. I got to be honest that this is not high on your priority list right now, that right now you're trying to keep everybody alive because safety like keeping our kids from hurting one another and hurting themselves and all the things in those early days was a really big deal, and so she was right.
Speaker 1:She was like you're looking at the wrong things, this isn't important right now. Did we eventually get to the line? Yes, once their brain settles and all the things.
Speaker 1:But at the beginning it didn't matter that didn't matter, and to have somebody from the outside say that I was like, oh wait, I mean, are you sure? I mean I don't know. I mean because I think, especially as Christians, we have these standards of living for our own lives. Right, we're not going to lie, we're not going to cheat, we're not going to steal, we're not going to do all of these things, we're not going to use profanity. And so when kids come in and all of a sudden they have these habits from this culture that they came from, that doesn't match up to how we have set up our home or structure or homes or whatever.
Speaker 1:it can be a shock to our system and we're like no, no, no, this is wrong, I'm not having this, this has got to go, yeah, and so we try to overhaul everything too quickly and try to jump in too fast.
Speaker 2:Kind of like you were saying that.
Speaker 1:You know it's OK to chill out for a little while, but I think also, in addition to our own standards and expectations, I think, at least for me, I know I tend to care about what other people oh well other people view my family.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah. And so I'm like no no, no, you can't cuss in church. Yeah, like you. Excuse me, you're a reflection of this home. Right, right right?
Speaker 1:No, no, no. And so you know that becomes an issue. That becomes an issue too. So, so what does? What does success look like, Do you think? For, as parents are stepping into this journey right, Like new parents as they're stepping in? What does it look like?
Speaker 2:Honestly, I would say, obedience, cause I know, for me, like, sometimes there are things that I know that I should do, or like I feel this nudge, but then I'm like, but like you, I'm like I'm focusing on something else because I'm like, well, this seems more pressing and more important than this other thing that, like, maybe would be good too. So, honestly, yeah, like obedience and just like being in tune with, like the spirit of God of like this is what I've laid before you and this is what I want you to do, and being okay with, like prioritizing his will above your own, which is very difficult.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and so you're talking about your obedience. Yeah, not his obedience, your obedience. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah, because I mean it's. I think there's just so many instances where it's like I felt this nudge to do something and I was like, oh, and then something came around and I was like, oh well, if I had done this you know like what like, what I, what I felt like maybe you told me, you know, and so it's like oh gosh, when will I learn?
Speaker 1:Yes, yeah, yeah, that can be. That can be really really difficult, you know, to I mean, it's difficult for our kids to obey, but it's also difficult for us to obey.
Speaker 2:But it's a way that we show our trust in his plan instead of our own, but I'm like, well, no, this makes more sense, so obviously my way's better, and that's never true.
Speaker 1:Literally never true For real. I mean, it's like you have somebody that understands the future, that's guiding your way.
Speaker 2:I know, I know you would think that I would just dive right in. I know.
Speaker 1:I know, but so how can we lean into that? How do we lean into God more on this journey and also help our kids understand how to lean into Him on this journey?
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's really good. I think a lot of it comes down to do we even know what he says? And if we don't know the Bible I mean, obviously this isn't Bible days and we didn't go to Hebrew school and learn the Torah and have it memorized, memorized but like we have the written word, which back in the Bible times they didn't have that, and so, like we have the written word, we have the full counsel of God. Like are we in it? Like do we actually even know what he says? Because, like that's going to help us check.
Speaker 2:Like well, I'm feeling like maybe you're telling me this, but like is that? I don't know? Like we can check it and see, like well, is that biblical? Like cause, if it's like not, if it's unbiblical, obviously he's not telling you to do it. But if it's biblical, but to you it just doesn't make sense that you don't want to he's probably telling you to do that, like you know, like if it's like if it's like go, you know, give your daughter a hug, like, but you don't really feel like it, like you probably just need to give her a hug, you know?
Speaker 2:I mean it's like simple things like that though. Really, yeah, you know, like just those touches and those connection points and things where it's like he's telling you exactly what to do. Are you listening? And you know, for our kids, I think it would be just helping them honestly on their own level to understand God's word too. So whatever that looks like for the age and stage. But just like when you're having conversations and they're confused and they're asking you questions and different things, like pointing them back to God's word and saying like, okay, like, what does God say about this? And I know, sometimes with kids, you know, I had a friend who once told me that he was trying to talk to his daughter and she was just like, could we not make this a sermon?
Speaker 1:Like, could you?
Speaker 2:just listen to me. So I think there is like a time and a place of like just listening and not being like, okay, well and John, you know like diving in and preaching, but you know kind of holding those. You know holding those and understanding where that time and space is is going to be again obedience, listening to the Lord of like. Do I need to just listen to them and let them vent, or is this a time where, like you want me, you're inviting me to share a truth with them? You know, yeah, lying, and you know that's actually driving me insane, but you know just saying, you know like I, you know in my life I have this, or you know yeah.
Speaker 2:I question that too. Or like yeah, that would make me mad too.
Speaker 1:You know, just like relating and not just being like kind of holier than thou you know, yeah, yeah, I think that that can be really, really important for our kids to see how we struggle how we apologize, how we handle God's truth and His guidance as well. Well, your book is one way that we can help our kids look at. Look. God's hand is on this child's life the whole time but how do we help? Them see that in their own story.
Speaker 2:I think just by letting them kind of make well, allowing them to tell you their story as they want and as they're comfortable, and then saying oh, wow, like in, like saying out loud, wow, like God really protected you there, Like I know that was hard, but like, oh, my goodness, like that could have been so much worse. Or you know, like this could have happened to you in this situation and like you know, whatever have been so much worse. Or you know, like this could have happened to you in this situation and like you know whatever, helping them. See, like whoa, he actually takes care of me, even though, like my life has been so hard and there's so many things that you know you wish your kids didn't go through and walk through, you can say, like, even in that, like look at what he did there. And just like pointing those things out to them not to dismiss the heart away, but to say like he was still there, like he still cares for you, like he didn't forget about you in that time. You know.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, I think sometimes it's really hard for kids to, especially older kids, as they start to process their stories to navigate. I mean this is even hard for us as parents to navigate. Process their stories to navigate. I mean this is even hard for us as parents to navigate. Hard and messy, the hard and messy that we experience and his faithfulness and his goodness and his protection and provision in all things right, and so how do you talk about that? How do you?
Speaker 1:talk about the sovereignty of God with kids and how do we process that? How? Are we supposed to process God's sovereignty and goodness and faithfulness, but also to know some really horrible things.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah. I think one of the biggest things that I come back to again is looking at different stories in the Bible. So not just like cherry picking verses, like I can do all things to Christ, but like looking at actual stories of people who went through really hard things, whether that's Job or.
Speaker 2:Joseph or David, and seeing like these people went through horrible, horrible, horrible horrible things and, at the end of the day, like God got the glory. Like God worked through them. God worked in spite of them because of mistakes they made too. Like these people, none of these people were perfect. The only perfect person is Jesus. And so we can look at them and say like, oh, my goodness, like all these things happened to this person and this person made these decisions and still they're in the Bible and God worked through them. And so I think, just like looking at those stories, and even you know, for some kids, like there could be a time when maybe they're closed off to the Bible, like maybe they don't want to talk about the word, and they're just like if you say another verse of me, like I'm a punch in the face.
Speaker 2:Like so maybe so. So then maybe it's like just like reading good books together or watching movies that have like kind of inspirational themes, not and again, it doesn't have to be like a Christian movie or da da, da, but just like, look, having something in story form of like things, where you see people overcome different things or you see just like the odds stacked against someone, but and then still, you know, I think that can be really powerful, because sometimes I really think that God speaks us through stories, what you know, cause it's like in the book of Ruth, like it never says God's name but like obviously it's a story, it's a book in the Bible, and like it's about him.
Speaker 1:So it's like, if you are, Well, and you can see his hand the whole time.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, like it, I feel like. I think it's like where it says like and it just so happened, like several times in Ruth, and it's like it did not just so happen, like God did it. And but you know you have like. So if there's like inspirational movies or whatever where you can watch like their stories kind of being depicted back to them, of like kids who've gone through hard things and you know, again, it doesn't have to be preachy and have God's name all over it, but it could be that story where they're like, huh, wow, like, and then you know like where it gets their wheels turning a little bit.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's. That is a great, great perspective. I think one of the things about trauma that I read one time was that it diminishes a child's ability to hope.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:And so you know, giving them those tools where they can see hope, where they start to picture that for themselves, can be really, really cool. That's amazing. Well, Jessica, tell us about the resources that you have. I know you said you had a devotional that you published and also your children's book. Tell us a little bit about where we can find that and where we can find you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so the devotional is called Fostering Prayer and it's just a 40-day guide that leads you through all the things fostering. So you know, praying over attorneys and CASAs and caseworkers, and praying for teachers of the kids, and then praying for the children themselves. So it just takes you through every aspect. And, honestly, I wrote it because I was looking for something like that. I was like I need help, I need to know how to pray specifically, and I just couldn't find anything. I was like maybe I could just write it. So that's Fostering Prayer and it's available on Amazon. And then, no Matter when I Go, is the children's book and it's all about God's love for kids in foster care, and that's on Amazon. Lifeway, the publisher's website, christian Book, all of that. You can find that in a few more places. Target even, I think, has it online too.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, Okay, awesome, and I will link to those things in the show notes for you to be able to find them. Well, jessica, I so appreciate you coming on today and kind of just giving us words of encouragement and guidance as we try to faithfully walk this journey with our kids.
Speaker 2:Yeah, thank you so much for having me. I enjoyed it so much.
Speaker 1:Friend. I hope today's conversation with Jessica reminded you that even when life feels messy or uncertain, god's hand is still at work. He weaves redemption into the parts of our stories and our kids' stories that we thought were too broken, and he is always faithful to finish what he starts. If you want to get to know Jessica better, you can find the links to her stuff in the show notes. Thank you for spending this time with us. If this conversation encouraged you, I would love for you to share it with a friend who might need that reminder of God's faithfulness today. And don't forget to connect with me on Instagram. You can find me at Nicole T Barlow.
Speaker 1:I'd love to hear how God is writing your story as you step back into your day. I want to pray for you, lord. Thank you that you are the author of our stories and that nothing, nothing, is wasted in your hands. We, when we feel stretched thin or unsure of what's next, help remind us that you are steady and present and always looking out for our good. Help us trust you with our priorities, lord. Help us to release control and to see your fingerprints, even in the hard spaces. Give us the courage, lord, to walk by faith and the peace that comes from knowing that you always go before us. We love you and we trust you, lord, in Jesus' name, amen, thank you.