Foster Parent Well

God's Faithfulness in Foster Care and Adoption

• Nicole T Barlow • Season 3 • Episode 61

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Some days the unknowns feel louder than our confidence. So we’re naming the five big seasons of foster care- the call, the waiting, the daily work, the transitions, and the surprises- and getting honest about where fear shows up, where systems fall short, and where hope quietly grows. I share the moments that recalibrated my own heart: a gas‑station “sign” that nudged a family forward, the paper airplane that carried a thank‑you down our laundry chute, and a room full of professionals learning TBRI to serve kids better.

We unpack the practical side of faithfulness, too. Waiting turns into preparation when we build rhythms that hold under stress, from simple sensory and regulation tools to predictable routines that help our kids feel safe. Daily trauma‑informed parenting gets specific...co‑regulation before correction, choices that matter, quick repairs after missteps- because progress often hides inside small, ordinary acts. We also talk about advocating across systems with patience and precision, finding allies in schools, courts, agencies, and community groups who are ready to change how kids are supported.

Transitions and surprises test our grip on control, so we walk through reunification, adoption, grief, and the unexpected paths that follow. Trust becomes active: blessing goodbyes with dignity, keeping memory, and practicing flexible presence when plans shift. Through it all, we return to one steady truth- God’s character doesn’t wobble when outcomes do. If this conversation gives you oxygen for the week, tap follow, share it with a foster or adoptive parent who needs hope, and leave a quick review so more families can find this space.

Connect with me on Instagram: @Fosterparentwell
@nicoletbarlow https://www.instagram.com/nicoletbarlow/
Website: https://nicoletbarlow.com/

SPEAKER_00:

Welcome to the Foster Parent Well Podcast, where we have real, candid, faith-filled conversations about all things foster care, adoption, and trauma. I'm your host, Nicole T. Barlow. I'm a certified parent trainer, a certified health coach, and an adaptive parent myself. This is a space where you can find support so that you can care for your kids with a steadfast faith, endurance, and joy. I want you to foster parent well. So let's jump in.

SPEAKER_01:

And if this is your very first time listening, welcome. This is a space where we talk about foster care, adoption, parenting kids from hard places, and also how we care for ourselves in the middle of it all. I'll be honest, right up front, my voice is still a little raspy today, even worse than uh the week before last. Um, I've been sick, and you know, life doesn't exactly pause for us when that happens. Parenting, ministry, health coaching, all the hats, none of them really wait for mom to feel better. So if you hear a little scratch in my voice or I sound a little more nasally than usual, um, just have a little grace for me, please. Um, know that I'm right here with you in the messy real parts of this journey. And honestly, that feels fitting because if foster care has taught me anything, it's that God doesn't wait until we're polished to use us. He works right in the middle of all of this messy, doesn't he? Um, so I have had quite a few listeners reach out lately, sharing their hearts and just the seasons that they are in on this journey. And I've noticed a common theme, and it really stretches across uh just about everyone that has reached out lately, whether they're just considering foster care or adoption, or they have been in it for years, and it's this that we we all need to be reminded from time to time of God's faithfulness. As believers, we often talk about how we believe in God's faithfulness, his goodness, his sovereignty. But on this journey, as we parent children from hard places, it can be really, really hard to actually walk in that belief day in and day out. So I want to start with this anchor verse today. Um, it's Psalm 145.13. The Lord is faithful to all his promises and loving toward all he has made. So let's just take a second and let that sink in. His faithfulness isn't up and down like our circumstances. It's steady, it's unchanging, it's always true. And when we're in a season that feels overwhelming or uncertain, that reminder that he is faithful, that can be like oxygen for us. You know, the foster care journey is really made up of so many seasons. There's the call, that moment where you feel God tugging on your heart to step in. Um, there's that waiting season, which can stretch a lot longer than you ever imagined. Um, then there's the daily grind of parenting through trauma, the exhaustion, the appointments, the big feelings. Um, and of course, there's the goodbyes and the reunifications. And sometimes there's some surprises along the way, um, maybe adoption, maybe ongoing connection with biological families, or stepping into advocacy roles you never pictured for yourself. Here's the truth: every one of those seasons holds both beauty and brokenness. God is faithful in each and every stage. So let's break that down and chat about ways that I personally have seen God's faithfulness lately in these seasons. And maybe you can recall some similar stories of your own that remind you of God's faithfulness. So, first there's the call. It can be so hard to step out into the unknown. Um, it sounds exciting when you talk about it in hindsight, but when you're standing there at the beginning, staring into the unknown, not knowing what's ahead of you, it can feel terrifying. You're stepping into a world you don't fully understand. How can you? You know there will be brokenness, you know there will be challenges, and you can't control what the outcome will look like. And that is very scary. I think that's where fear creeps in for so many of us. What if I'm not enough? What if I get too attached? What if I don't know how to help a child that has experienced trauma? What if I fail? But here's the truth we have to hold on to God. Hebrews 13, 21 says he will equip you with every good, everything good for doing his will. Not just sub things, everything good. That doesn't mean we'll always feel ready. Honestly, most of the time we we really don't. Um, but it does mean that the gaps we see in ourselves are the very places where God shows up with his strength. Even when we feel like we don't have what it takes, he does. He fills in where we lack, you guys. He is faithful to even do that calling. If you think about what it takes that God personally called you to this ministry, that he tugged on your heart. I have a friend of mine um at church. Uh, she already works within our foster care ministry, um, leading some volunteers and things. But in their personal feeling, they've been praying about stepping into foster care in this season. They have done it before, they've adopted from foster care before, but they have kind of been toying with the idea of stepping into foster care again. Um, and so they've been praying about it. Well, our pastor a couple of weeks back uh did a sermon and was just talking about it's worth the risk, right? Stepping out. And he called our church to really pray into those spaces, pray into the spaces of what is God calling you to in this season. And so they did. They were talking about that as a family, praying about that as a family. Um, and they were on a road trip and they stopped at a gas station and she got out of where she parked at the gas station, and there was literally a sign that said become a foster parent. Um, and she said, you know, we had been praying for a sign and we got out of the car, and there literally was a sign right after we were talking about that that said, Become a foster parent. Um and I thought, what a gift. She sent me the picture of the sign. It was so funny. Um, but what a gift that that she was asking for a sign and God provided her a literal sign. Now, I don't, I don't think that he gives all of us a literal sign when we get out of our car that says become a foster parent or adopt a child, right? Um, but I do think he is faithful to answer us when we ask him what his will is, when we ask him for discernment, I think he's faithful to provide that. That's the beautiful thing about the call. You guys, it's not about us um having to be brave enough or strong enough or wise enough when we believe that it is obedience in listening to him because we know what he has purposed us to do, um, then it's just about saying yes to God and then watching him be faithful to equip us in ways we couldn't imagine. If you are in this season and you're unsure of your direction, ask for clarity. I know, just like with my friend, God will answer. And if the answer is clear, you just are scared to take the leap, really step out in faith. Trust that God is faithful and it is well worth the risk. Okay, so the next season, after you step into this and you say yes and you answer the call, we go through a season of waiting a lot of times. And waiting is hard. It feels like wasted time. But in Isaiah 40, 31, um, it says, those who wait on the Lord will renew their strength. So what if we shifted our mindset from waiting to preparation? God is shaping us, even when the phone is quiet and the house feels so still. I'm not sure that personally we experienced that waiting part, at least not in our first placement when we first got into foster care. Um, once we said yes, it kind of felt like everything happened really, really fast. I mean, we got a placement 24 hours after we got approved. Um, but I know that's not the case for everyone. And what a gift it is to be given time to research trauma and trauma-informed practices like TBRI, trust-based relational intervention, or to have time to establish spiritual and physical disciplines, or just time to pray and have God prepare your heart for the season to come. It may not feel like it, but that time really is a gift because there will come a time when you don't have extra time, right? Those of us that are already in the thick of it, we know that that time really is a gift for you to be able to prepare. So looking at that season of waiting, instead of looking at it as waiting, really looking at it as a time of preparation. Which brings us to when that time of waiting ends and you do get placed with a child, um, that's when the daily struggle begins. And this is where most of us live. Lamentations 3, 22 through 23 reminds us that his mercies are new every morning. And when we're in the thick of trauma parenting, sometimes it feels like nothing is changing. We often can't see the progress we're making when we're bogged down in the midst of survival and chaos. Y'all, but just this week, God gave me a little glimpse of that progress that we're making in our own household. This week we found a paper airplane. Uh, so we have a one of our kids has a laundry chute in their room. And this child sent a paper airplane down the laundry chute in order to deliver a letter to my husband and myself. Um, and it was just so sweet. It it basically is saying, it says, I want to take a moment to thank you for investing Christ in me. Um, and I'm so glad that I have you as parents. And y'all, this is a child where we have been pouring in for many, many years. Um, we've been pouring in the gospel, we've been pouring in Christ, we've been pouring ourselves in, right? To help the to help this child understand that rules and structure and guidance are for their good. Um, but but it has taken a very, very long time to get to the point where they're starting to appreciate it. And still, they don't always appreciate it. I'm not saying that that's the case, but we're starting to see glimpses of fruit from those years and years and years of investing. And what a gift to be able to see some of that little fruit, because I don't think we always see those moments. It doesn't always come in a paper airplane note that says, thank you. I'm so thankful that you're our parents. Um, right. I mean, y'all, and know that my kids are not always thankful either. I mean, last night's one of my kids was screaming at me that that I'm so mean and I'm unfair and all the things. So it comes on both sides, but deep down, I really do think that the investment that we are making as parents, and I know this is true of you too, that the investment that we are making as parents is sowing seeds that's developing, even though we might not always see the fruit um right off the bat. Progress really often hides inside the small, faithful moments. So, what are we pouring in day in and day out that eventually is going to bear fruit? And that's, you guys, that's true for the system too. I mean, um, you know, we see chaos in the system so often our struggles that we face every day are not necessarily with our kids at all, but with the systems that are meant to protect them. Um, and those systems may actually be causing harm, you know, like things like school systems that don't understand trauma and their systems and disciplinary tactics may be contrary to what our kids need, or even the foster care or adoption systems as a whole, and the harm that it does to kids when people aren't necessarily looking out for the best interest of our kids all the time. Um, our struggle and the chaos that we see, that might actually be our daily struggle. That might not may be where we're not seeing progress on a regular basis. But even in that, y'all, in the past week or two, I have been blown away by some of the things that I have seen. Last week I helped out at a TBRI. Y'all, TBRI, if you do not know, TBRI is trust-based relational intervention. Um, so I am a TBRI practitioner and I helped out at a TBRI practitioner training. That means it's professionals that are learning these trauma-informed practices to be able to help kids that have experienced previous trauma or previous harm. And so you have people that are coming together for this TBRI practitioner training from all over the world, right? But they're coming from different sectors too. Like there are people from the school systems that are there, there are people from the courts that are there, there are people from um, you know, the state and foster care that are there, there are different agencies and group homes, y'all, that are all learning these trauma-informed practices so that they can serve kids better. And you see, I mean, I got to sit around all of these people and see what they're doing for kids in our community, to see what they're doing to make change within the systems that, you know, that we operate. Um, and it gave me so much hope. And I just thought, God, you are faithful. You are making change in these areas even when we don't necessarily see it. Um, but it is good and it is there. God is moving even amongst the organizations and the systems that surround our kids. So we can trust that he is faithful in that. We can advocate for change, we can educate others for change. I'm not saying don't do any of that, but also we can trust that he's faithful even in that chaos. He is sovereign even over that chaos. Um, so it was just such a gift to see this past week and how many people really are coming together, how many communities are really coming together to make change for children that need hope. Um, okay, so then another season that we often face in foster care, where sometimes it can be hard to remember that God is faithful, is the transitions. When kids reunify or they move on to another home, um, God's sovereignty doesn't change. Proverbs three, five through six calls us to trust him with our whole hearts. And I'm if I'm being real, there have been times when I've asked God why? Why did these kids go home when it wasn't safe yet? Why we couldn't, why couldn't we be there forever, family? Um, saying I trust God's plan is easy, right? It's easy to read the Bible and go, yes, I trust you, Lord. But do I actually living it out when the stakes are so, so high for the people I love and for me, that's the hard part. But faith is believing without seeing you guys. But it is so hard. Um, I've done a lot of wrestling over the years with God on this one, and I will tell you, he has been faithful to me to build up my faith in him. And so I can say in most of those areas, not that there's moments where I don't go why I don't understand God, but for the most part, I trust him. I trust his plan. I trust that he knows better than me, that he can see ahead, that I cannot, and that I can fully rely on him that he is good, that he is for me, and that he is for the kids that are in my home. All right. And the last little season that we're gonna talk about is the surprises that pop up. Um, those are the unexpected adoptions, the unexpected relationships with biofamily, the advocacy opportunities. I've said this before, um, but it's worth saying again, I'm pretty sure that God handpicks all the control freaks and he drops them into foster care in order to sanctify it out of us. Um, and as a recovering or trying to be recovering control freak myself, y'all, I don't like surprises. Um, but foster care and adoption, those journeys are always full of them. Things never go as planned, at least not how I planned for them to go. Ephesians 3 20 says he can do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine. And it's true. This journey is harder, but it's also more beautiful than anything I had planned. It reminds me of flowers. When you're pulling the weeds out of the garden, y'all, and I don't garden, but I imagine that this is true. And the few times that I have tried to plant some things, uh, this is true. All you see is dirt and sweat and bugs and work, which is why I don't like to garden you guys. But then one day that bloom pushes through, and you realize beauty was being formed in the hidden places all along, right? It was growing deep in that soil. So all of these surprises are opportunities to lean into God. It's actually there to build trust and to build intimacy and dependency on him. It is his grace towards us, these things that pop up. It keeps us from thinking that we can walk this road without him. And it reminds us that we need him for every breath we take. These surprises are the very thing that him us into his arms and his protection. Because as we lean in, as we draw closer to him, our faith grows and our desires for the things of this world, they fade a little. Um, and what a gift that is that he pulls us closer, that he doesn't leave us where sometimes we want to be, right? But he pulls us in to protect us and to guard us and to draw us closer to him. So I want to ask you, what's your faithfulness moment? What are those moments in your story where you can look back and you can see God's hand, even if it didn't make sense at the time? Those moments become anchors for us when we're in the storms again. So write those things down as a reminder to look back on when things get tough. Here's what I want to for you to take with you today. Um, foster care is full of unknowns, but God's character does not change. His faithfulness isn't dependent on outcomes. It's not tied to whether reunification happens or adoption or what the caseworker decides. His faithfulness is tied to his nature. It is who he is. And the pressure is off. You and I are not responsible for fixing everything. We are responsible for showing up, being faithful in the small daily ways that we serve. And God, He does all the lasting work. So here's what I want you to try this week: a couple of things. Number one is to journal. Write down at least one way that you've seen God's faithfulness this week, even if it feels small, and get in the habit of doing this so that you can look back on those things, those glimpses of his faithfulness along the way. Pray. Thank him for the ways he's been faithful in your past and ask him to make his presence clear in your day. Um, I know so often when we're looking around, like we can choose to see the messy or we can choose to see God's hand and his sovereignty and everything. So really look for where has he been faithful? Look for those moments. Um, and then share with somebody else. Tell another foster or adoptive parent a faithfulness story. You never know how much encouragement your story might bring to them. It might give them the hope that they need to cling on to until they have their own faithfulness story built up. Friends, no matter where you are, the call, the waiting, the struggles, the transitions, or the surprises, God's faithfulness holds. If this episode encouraged you, would you share it with another foster parent or leave a review? That helps so much in getting the word out. And come connect with me on social media. You can find me on Instagram at Nicole T. Barlow. I love hearing your stories. Let's close with a prayer today. Lord, we thank you for your unchanging faithfulness. In every season, whether we feel steady or completely overwhelmed, you remain the same. Strengthen every parent listening today. Give them courage for daily tasks, give them peace in the waiting and hope in the transitions. Thank you, Lord, for holding our stories and the stories of the children that we love. We love you, we trust you. In Jesus' name. Amen.