Foster Parent Well
Foster Parent Well is the go-to podcast for foster and adoptive parents who are navigating the complexities of parenting children with trauma while trying to stay sane in the process. Hosted by Nicole T Barlow, a foster and adoptive mom of six, parent trainer, and wellness coach, this podcast is where faith, resilience, and practical strategies come together.
If you're feeling burnt out, overwhelmed, or just plain exhausted from the daily realities of foster care and adoption—you're not alone. Here, we have real conversations about the hard stuff: attachment struggles, secondary trauma, parenting beyond behaviors, and the deep emotional weight of loving kids from hard places. But we also talk about you—your health, your nervous system, your faith, and the small, sustainable ways you can care for yourself so you can keep showing up for your kids.
Expect practical tips, faith-based encouragement, expert insights, and zero sugarcoating—just real, honest talk about what it takes to foster well, adopt well, and most importantly, stay well in the process.
Because parenting kids with trauma is a marathon, not a sprint—and you were never meant to run it alone.
🎧 Subscribe now and let’s do this together!
Foster Parent Well
Fear, Faith, And Foster Parenting
Fear loves to whisper what if, especially to foster and adoptive parents who carry heavy stories and real responsibilities. We open up about the moments when panic tries to take over- late-night spirals, hard court dates, and those small behaviors that feel like previews of a grim future- and we share the better way: a posture rooted in grace, curiosity, and steady faith. Nicole unpacks how 2 Timothy 1:7 offers more than comfort; it gives a blueprint for parenting with power, love, and a sound mind, even when the stakes are high.
You’ll hear a vivid story about a child’s “sticky fingers” that flips catastrophe into calling, reminding us to look beneath behaviors for gifts and needs. We talk about advocacy in the system- how to prepare, speak clearly, and hold boundaries without losing kindness- and why acting from panic rarely serves kids well. We also step into the deep waters of unsafe seasons, telling the truth about fear while describing the surprising peace that shows up in God’s presence. The picture of Stephen in Acts 7, and Jesus standing, reframes suffering with awe and invites us to trade bitterness for grace-filled courage.
Throughout, we weave in practical tools: pause before reacting, ask a curious question, pray a one-line prayer, rehearse God’s track record, and anchor your mind in passages like Isaiah 41:10 and John 14:27. If you’ve ever felt stuck in what if thinking or tempted to over-control, this conversation offers a calmer path and grounded hope. Subscribe, share with a foster or adoptive friend, and tell us: where has God turned your fear into faith? Your story may be the encouragement someone needs today.
Connect with me on Instagram:
@nicoletbarlow https://www.instagram.com/nicoletbarlow/
Website: https://nicoletbarlow.com/
Welcome to the Foster Parent Well Podcast, where we have real, candid, faith-filled conversations about all things foster care, adoption, and trauma. I'm your host, Nicole T. Barlow. I'm a certified parent trainer, a certified health coach, and an adaptive parent myself. This is a space where you can find support so that you can care for your kids with a steadfast faith, endurance, and joy. I want you to foster parent well. So let's jump in. We're gonna dive right in today. So I've noticed some common themes popping up lately, and one that keeps making an appearance is fear. We touched on it a little in the last episode when we talked about God's faithfulness, but today I want to dig a little deeper into how fear creeps in so easily for parents on this journey. 2 Timothy 1.7 says, For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. So why is it that fear still comes up so much? I hear it all the time from people who are just starting to think about stepping into foster care. Well, what if I get too attached? What if I can't handle all the behaviors? What if it hurts my biological kids? But y'all honestly, even after more than a decade on this journey, fear still pops up for me too. For me, it usually looks like catastrophizing. That's taking one smile small behavior and spiraling it like 15 years into the future. Let me give you an example. I've got one kid who has what I will lovingly call sticky fingers. Uh, they tend to take little things from others and hide them. I mean, nothing of value. And honestly, most of the time they tell in themselves, but my mind immediately goes to, oh no, this child's gonna end up in jail one day. Now, y'all, this child isn't even a teenager yet. Their brain is still developing, their faith is still growing, but I see one small action and I fear for the future. The Lord reminded me recently of a day when this particular child came to me and said, Hey, mom, I'm hiding some stuff. You want to know where it is? So we go and look, and sure enough, it's just random trinkets from around the house. I asked, but but why? And they said, Because I'm good at it. Now, this is usually the cue where my mind jumps straight to the jail cell, right? Uh, but I paused and I asked another question. Why is it important that you're good at taking things and hiding them from others? And their response absolutely stopped me in my tracks. They said, Well, if I lived in a country where they didn't allow Bibles, I could hide Bibles. And in that moment, I was reminded, you guys, God can use anything for his glory. When I fear the future based on what I see right now, I'm leaving the Lord out of the story. I'm acting like what's happening in front of me is completely separate from the spiritual world, but it's not. When I react to those behaviors out of fear, y'all, I tend to overreact quite a bit. Uh, I try to control, to fix it, to nip it in the bud, you know. Um, and instead of stepping back to ask, God, what are you showing me here? What gifting might be underneath, might be underneath this, right? What need is this behavior expressing? Instead of staying curious, instead of asking those questions, I go straight to overreaction. And y'all, the same is true in advocacy when we're advocating for our kids in the court system and uh with the state, right? When we act out of fear, whether it's fear of the system, it's fear of our loss or their loss, it's fear of failure, we don't often respond in grace and truth. We tend to respond out of panic and emotion. I've watched so many potential foster parents walk away out of fear, you guys. Fear of white what might come. And they miss out on so much. But what if we changed our mindset to match the word of God? What if we trusted him in all things? What if we walked into every situation expecting to see the miracles that he's going to do? What if we stepped out instead of in fear, but we stepped out in faith and expectation? Y'all, this isn't about like sugarcoating things or just kind of glossing over the hard. Y'all know me better than that if you've been around here for any time at all. But this is about recognizing that we know the God of the universe. Two of the hardest seasons of our journey have also been the ones where I've experienced the most peace. A piece I can't even describe. The kind of peace that truly surpasses all understanding. One of those was watching a reunification. It was, y'all, it was a reunification where we felt like it was still really unsafe. And as that played out, it did end up being really unsafe. Um, another one of those times was a really tough situation for us where our whole family unit was in danger. And we were actually having to plan out where our kids would go if something happened to us. Like to the point where we were making phone calls because we thought that danger was imminent. In the second event, I remember uh taking a walk and just kind of processing with the Lord all that was going on and the things that we were in fear of. Um, and I had this calm and peace that I had never known before. Y'all, it was a joy and a satisfaction, even in this acceptance that our family was in real harm's way. Um, it almost made that time good. In fact, it was good. I mean, it was still hard, but it was good because the Lord covered us with his grace. It kind of reminds me of the story of Stephen in Acts 7. Um, even as he's being stoned to death. So, Stephen, if you're not familiar with the story, was the very first martyr of the Christian church. And as he's being stoned to death, um, the the Lord opens up the heavens and and he can see, right? Um, so even as he's being stoned to death, scripture says his face looked like that of an angel. He wasn't filled with fear or bitterness or anger, he was filled with grace. The Lord covered him in such a perfect peace that he could look up and see heaven opened. He could see the glory of God. And y'all, he even could forgive the people throwing the stones. That kind of joy and calm doesn't come from human strength, it comes from being completely wrapped in the presence of God. And y'all, this is kind of a side note to that story. If you haven't read that story, go back and read it. I remember a couple of years ago, there was a Bible teacher. Her name is Paige Brown. She's out of Nashville, um, Tennessee. And um, she was telling the story of Stephen, and she said, I want you to look at something. She goes, because there's something there that I've never seen before, and I saw it this time. And so she's teaching this passage of scripture, and it talks about how the heavens opened up and Stephen saw Jesus standing at the right hand of God. You guys, what is Jesus always doing? He's always sitting at the right hand of God. But when the heavens opened up for Stephen, Stephen saw Jesus standing, standing there. It's like he was welcoming him in, that he was ready to usher Stephen into heaven and say, Good job, well done, my good and faithful servant. You guys, how miraculous is that? How amazing is that? So if you if you get a minute today, stop, go back, read Acts 7, read through it, read the story yourself, and underline the part where Jesus is standing there waiting for Stephen. But as the heavens open for him, as the Lord's grace just covers him, he's not filled with fear in that moment. He's filled with awe. He's filled with wonder. And that's what God's grace does for us too. Even in our hardest moments, when everything around us feels painful or unfair, his grace allows us to see beyond the chaos. It's a chance to glimpse at the eternal and to remember that he is with us and to rest in the peace of what we're stepping into because he's already gone before us. Y'all, when I finally stopped trying to control everything and started trusting God's grace was actually enough, I realized that I didn't have to live in fear anymore. Well, at least in those moments where I did that, I didn't live in fear anymore. I still struggle with this heart posture every single day. Because if we really understood the power of God's grace, why would we ever fear? If we trusted that his grace is sufficient for today, and even more than sufficient, then what would we ever worry about? It reminds me of the Israelites standing on the edge of the promised land. They'd seen God part the Red Sea, right? They'd seen manna fall from the sky. His provision cared for them the entire time. They'd sent, they had already seen him defeat armies on their behalf. And yet, when they saw the giants in the land, they were terrified. They forgot who their God was. Numbers 14 tells us that they cried out and said, If only we had died in Egypt. And I think how often do we do that exact same thing? How often I walk in fear, even when God has already proven his faithfulness, time and time again. But Caleb and Joshua stood up and said, The Lord is with us, do not be afraid. That's the posture I want to live in. An expectation instead of anxiety, trust instead of control, and faith instead of fear. Isaiah 41, 10 reminds us, fear not, for I am with you. Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. And John 14, 27 says, Peace I leave with you, my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives, do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. When we truly rest in that peace, when we trust that his grace is enough, y'all that fear loses its grip. So, friend, whatever you're facing today, whatever fear keeps whispering, what if? Remember, God has not given you a spirit of fear. He's given you power, he's given you love, he's given you a sound mind. You don't have to react. You can make good decisions from a sound mind. Let's walk forward today in expectation of what he's going to do, of all that we're going to get to see him do. Let's pray as we wrap up today. Father, thank you for reminding us that you are bigger than every fear we carry. Forgive us for the times that we've tried to control outcomes instead of trusting you. Help us to see our children and every single challenge through your eyes. When fear tries to creep in, replace it with your peace that surpasses all understanding. Strengthen our hearts to walk in faith and expectation, knowing that your grace is sufficient for every single day. We love you, Lord. We trust you. In Jesus' name, Amen.