Foster Parent Well
Foster Parent Well is the go-to podcast for foster and adoptive parents who are navigating the complexities of parenting children with trauma while trying to stay sane in the process. Hosted by Nicole T Barlow, a foster and adoptive mom of six, parent trainer, and wellness coach, this podcast is where faith, resilience, and practical strategies come together.
If you're feeling burnt out, overwhelmed, or just plain exhausted from the daily realities of foster care and adoption—you're not alone. Here, we have real conversations about the hard stuff: attachment struggles, secondary trauma, parenting beyond behaviors, and the deep emotional weight of loving kids from hard places. But we also talk about you—your health, your nervous system, your faith, and the small, sustainable ways you can care for yourself so you can keep showing up for your kids.
Expect practical tips, faith-based encouragement, expert insights, and zero sugarcoating—just real, honest talk about what it takes to foster well, adopt well, and most importantly, stay well in the process.
Because parenting kids with trauma is a marathon, not a sprint—and you were never meant to run it alone.
🎧 Subscribe now and let’s do this together!
Foster Parent Well
The Hope of the Gospel In Foster Care with Jamie Finn
When foster care gets messy and the case plan keeps shifting, what holds you steady? We sit down with author, ministry leader, and foster mom Jamie Finn to dig into the gritty, hope-filled heart of caregiving: how to carry sorrow and joy together, how to parent from grace when strategies fail, and how to keep the gospel at the center for kids, bio families, and ourselves.
Jamie shares her family’s entry into foster care and the steady refrain that carried them—God is sovereign, God is good—through 30 placements and four adoptions. We talk about the “both/and” of this calling: real brokenness and real beauty living side by side. From kids wrestling with the idea of “father” to parents battling shame and exhaustion, we explore how a perfect Father reframes our stories and restores the capacity to hope. Jamie also introduces her new children’s book, God Loves Kids, a clear, compassionate way to tell the truth about pain while anchoring children in a bigger, unshakable love.
If you need encouragement that isn’t shallow, if you’re longing for tools that work in the real world and a vision big enough to outlast court dates and goodbyes, this one will meet you where you are. Subscribe, share this with a friend who needs courage today, and leave a review to help more families find gospel-centered support.
Foster the Family: https://www.fosterthefamily.org/
FILLED retreat: https://www.filledretreat.com/
Discount code is: fosterparentwell
God Love Kids: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1540904040?ref_=cm_sw_r_ffobk_cp_ud_dp_G24XP1YTX7R51NP6PKH1&bestFormat=true
Win a copy of the book! Share this podcast episode on Instagram and tag me @nicoletbarlow and Jamie @fosterthefamilyblog for your chance to win!
Connect with me on Instagram:
@nicoletbarlow https://www.instagram.com/nicoletbarlow/
Website: https://nicoletbarlow.com/
Welcome to the Foster Parent Well Podcast, where we have real, candid, faith-built conversations about all things foster care, adoption, and trauma. I'm your host, Nicole T. Barlow. I'm a certified parent trainer, a certified health coach, and an adoptive parent myself. This is a space where you can find support so that you can care for your kids with a steadfast faith, endurance, and joy. I want you to foster parent well. So let's jump in. I hope you've got something warm to sip on, coffee, tea, maybe something that makes you feel like puts you in the holiday season mood. Y'all, can you believe that next week is Thanksgiving? This year has just absolutely flown by. Well, today, you guys, is such a gift. I get to sit down with Jamie Finn. She's an author, a foster mom, a ministry leader, and one of the voices in the foster care community who consistently points us back to what matters the most, the hope of the gospel. We're going to talk about what it looks like to hold on to Jesus when the case plan is confusing, when emotions are big, when the system disappoints us, and when the real messy, beautiful work of foster care presses on every part of our hearts. Jamie brings so much wisdom, honesty, and encouragement. And I cannot wait for you to hear this conversation. So settle in, take a deep breath. Let's talk about hope, redemption, and the goodness of God right in the middle of foster care. Well, welcome to the show, Jamie. I'm so excited to have you on today. Um, tell our audience a little bit how you first got into foster care and why this ministry.
SPEAKER_00:Oh, sure. Nicole, thank you for having me. I'm I'm happy to be able to talk together. I uh became a foster parent 11 years ago, and it really was born out of this desire to do ministry and mission from our home base as a family. Yeah. So I think, you know, as a teenager, a lot of like Christian teenage girls, I'm like, I'm gonna be a missionary and I'm gonna change the world. And then I find myself, you know, 10 years into marriage, one boy, one girl, sort of happily ever after. And it was like, okay, wait a second. What does it look like to still be a missionary, to still live on mission, to radically live in the confines sort of of this American life? And um, and God put foster care on our hearts as, well, on my heart. Let's be real. Like I would say, maybe 90% of the couples I know, he put it on my heart. And uh, my husband, I like to say he was a reluctant and faith-filled foster parent. So he was not like, oh, this is my dream and enthusiasm. It was very much obedience to God's word um and an understanding that we're called to a sacrificial kind of living. And uh, I think he got before I did how hard this was going to be. And so he um he stepped in with faith, where I jumped in with enthusiasm. And our deal was one kid one time, and that was 11 years ago, 30 kids ago, four adoptions ago.
SPEAKER_01:So God had different plans. Yeah. Well, that sounds very similar to our story, but and I'm I'm wondering if this is the same. When I jumped in, I jumped in feet first, but then I panicked once we actually got into it. And my husband, because he had walked into it a little more reluctantly, had already kind of like processed through a lot of the fears, a lot of the the issues that could come up. Um, not all of them, of course, but um he had kind of walked that path already. Was that the same for you guys or or no?
SPEAKER_00:So I've definitely tried to call Uncle since. And he has held me to the this is what God has called us to. He will carry us. Yeah. We just need to be faithful. And so he is my, um, you know, I'm like a little bit up and down, a lot up and down. Um, and he is like my steady, bring me back to the foundational truths. Like my husband has said to me thousands of times in our 21 years of marriage, God is sovereign, God is good. It is just like a mantra of, you know, all the hard and ups and downs. He really preaches that to my heart a lot. And so he that has been a big part of his job, just reminding me the truths that I know about God.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, what a gift that partnership is. Um, well, you are pretty vulnerable and raw when it comes to sharing your journey. Um, but you also share so much hope and joy, which is a really, really tough balance, I think, for us as foster foster parents to maintain both internally and externally. Yeah, yeah. So how do you keep that joy in the midst of all the hard?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. Wow, that's such a good question. Uh, because our brains do kind of do this either or. Yeah. Either it is hard and horrible or joyful and sweet. And the reality is that all of life in a broken world, but especially this space of caring for the vulnerable, it is just so nuanced and always both and it is always both things at once. And we have to get really comfortable as Christians living in that tension of both of those things and understanding that while we live in a broken world, there is going to be brokenness around us. Uh, we've invited brokenness into our homes. And before all of that, there was brokenness inside of us. Sure. And we we have to yearn for the day when all things will be made whole and when every tear will be wiped. But understand that that that's not today. Yeah. So really learning to to in wisdom, I think that's what it means to fear the Lord and grow in wisdom, is that we just uh we start to understand the kind of God He is. And then it helps us understand the kind of world we're in, the kind of life that we have and the kind of hope that we can have in the midst of this. So I love that you, the way you phrased your question of just like, how do you have hope in in the midst of this? I mean, the answer is that that God is a God who brings really good things out of really hard and broken things. And I will always go back to in my heart, and anytime I get to share with someone, that is what we have in the gospel. Yeah. What we have in the gospel is this picture of the kind of God who takes the greatest evil that's ever happened, the most confusing uh world-turned upside down event ever, and brought from that our greatest good, our greatest hope. And that's what builds our faith in the middle of the broken and the hard and the dark is remembering the kind of God who sent Jesus to be the light of the world.
SPEAKER_01:Yes, yes, I love that. And now you have a new children's book called God Loves Kids. Yeah. And it holds that same balance of heart and joy through the gospel. So, why this book and why is it important for our kids to hold space for both?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, that's so good. So it's called God Loves Kids, which I will be the first to admit is not the most creative title ever. I love it. And I felt like it was so important to have a title that would be true for every child in every situation at every time. Yeah. Because, man, the kids who might be reading this book to tell them, oh, this was good and God has a good plan, and this is part of God's good story, and all of that is really hard to swallow. Yeah. There's so much pain, and these kids are so aware of the brokenness in their stories. I can't promise reunification for every child. I can't promise adoption for every child. I can't outline what a happy ending would look like, except for the fact that for all of these kids, the happy ending is that God loves them and sent his son to make a way for them. So that is the message of this book, you know, and it does, it holds all the hard parts. It talks about, you know, God had a good plan. He he loved kids and made this plan of family. And then sin entered the world. And since then, we have a broken world with broken families and broken people. Um, but then my favorite part at the end of the book is when we say God also had a kid and he sent his kid. And so they can see themselves in the story. Oh, yeah, here are the hard parts. Oh, I know what it's like to be removed. I know what it's like to be the kid in the bio family of the foster home who's now has this other kid walking in and I have complicated feelings. And, but what is the the, you know, in the micro of those moments, what is the meta? What is the big truth that's true for every kid? It is that God loves them and he is writing a good story. And we can, we want kids to be able to see themselves in the small, in the details, yeah, and then to see God in the big, that there's there's a bigger story than just their specific story.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. Which can be hard. I mean, for our kids, I mean, not just for our kids, for us too, right? To see, to see God and the gospel and our own stories. But uh for kids that have experienced some really hard things, that can change how they view God. Um, it can change how they see the world, how they see adults, how they see family, right? Like it changes everything for them. So, how have you seen like your your kids' stories, like how that impacts how they see God? Kids that have come through your home. Like, are they open to God? Like I've had some kids that are more um, I guess, in tune with spiritual things, maybe because of their stories. But on the other end, I've had some kids that the way they view father that's it, yeah, is very, very difficult.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, I think that's what's complicated, is the one of the most beautiful pictures we have of God is as our father. Yeah. And when that picture of father has been broken the way it has been for some of our kids, yeah, um, that can be really confusing and complicated. And I think that it is an opportunity for uh seeing their story through a different lens. So for all of the ways that father failed you, and for all of the ways that even in our loving Christian foster home, father is still going to fail you. And mother is still going to fail you. So it's not just them. Yeah, yeah. It's not just your, oh, those parents who did this to you. No, no, no. You still know what it's like to live with fallen parents who fail all the time because that's us. Um for all of the times that you've been failed by father, by parent, you have a perfect father who loves you perfectly, who can parent you perfectly, who has, you know, and so it's actually an opportunity to point out oh, this is not at all what father means. Yeah. And this is what father means. It's an opportunity to highlight how good of a God our father is.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. I recently read a book that talked about God as father, like and that's his identity, and that's his first identity above everything else. So every part of who he is flows out of that piece of him being father, whether that's his love flows out of him being father, his justice flows out of him being father, his wrath flows out of him being father and changes the light of all of it, right? I also have like my story is like I didn't grow up in foster care, but I didn't have, you know, an idealistic father to like help me understand what that role means. But to really lean into that, I think has been really, really good. And so I think your book sets that up perfectly for kids to really start to understand what father means and what the gospel means underneath all of it. One of the things, um, I think it was in The Body Keeps the Score, it talks about how uh complex developmental trauma, one of the things that it impacts is our ability to hope. And when you sit in that space, when you sit in that space of like really thinking about how important hope is in our brain development, in the way that we interact with people, and the way that we see and view the world and the way that we move along life, right? That yeah, that idea of hope is so, so crucial. And so, you know, for our kids to understand early on that there's a gospel that gives you hope, I think is really, really um, really impactful. Um, and I do think that the gospel like changes everything. I mean, it's central to our kids, but it's also central to their biological families. That's right. And it's central to us as parents, you know. So, how do we keep that kind of on the forefront of our mind? Because it can be really easy to see what's in front of us, sure, to see the hard, to get bogged down by, you know, all the struggles, but keeping the gospel and our message of the gospel to all parties in this ministry, like how do we keep that central?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. Well, every every weakness, every failure, every struggle is an invitation for the gospel. Yeah. And so our temptation is going to be to cover and protect and defend, and you know, shame is going to come in. And so that is taking the invitation and the opportunity and digging deeper into shame and darkness. Every time we are aware of our own failure or someone else's, anytime we come up against our own sin or someone else's, it is an invitation to just glory in the gospel and allow that to interact in this situation. So, what does the love of Jesus say to me in my weakness? And every time that we are brought to our knees by just the darkness that's in the world and in our own hearts, the temptation is to stay, to, to sag deeper and deeper into that desperation. But it's missing the invitation to just step back and see the way that the gospel interacts with the darkness there.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, that's really good. What does that look like practically? Yeah, sure.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. Well, I mean, one is truly when I'm brought to to sadness and shame and all of that, to identify that that is an opportunity, that you know, this is the time. It's almost like a trigger. But when I when the trigger comes of like, oh, I feel all of this darkness, that's what it looks like to just, okay, Jesus, may your gospel be true to me right now. But part of the way that God does that is by us digging his truth deep into our hearts so that it's there for the Holy Spirit to access.
SPEAKER_01:So yeah, because I was fixing to say, like, my mind doesn't automatically go there, right? Like when I'm in sadness, when when my kids are melting down and and I'm feeling anxious because I don't know what to do with that, right? When all of those things are taking place, my mind doesn't always automatically go to the gospel.
SPEAKER_00:No, right, sure. Yeah, and that is, I mean, that's why I've hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you. Uh, it's not like this this secret magic thing. It is the purpose of the Holy Spirit, the primary purpose of the Holy Spirit is to illuminate God's word to us, is to reveal the holiness of God to us. So when we have his word in our hearts, and so that can mean anything from memorizing scripture to being in community with people who, when you can't see the light in the darkness, they're speaking it to you anyway. Yep. It can be having uh rhythms of fasting and prayer that are built into your life that when you don't even feel like it, you wake up on Wednesday morning and you fast and pray. Like it's I think so much of it for me, you know, I have ADHD, I have seven kids, I have a crazy work schedule. I have to schedule in my spiritual disciplines. Yes. Like it the spirituality when people use that, it's very feely. It comes upon you and you're pulled into it. I'm like, no, no, no. I have to fight for my times with Jesus. I have literally in my work calendar prayer breaks, I have literally in my weekly calendar, fasting, like these things that are that are spiritual are very practical as well. And so the more often we are in God's word and allowing him to reveal himself to us, uh, the more the Holy Spirit is is going to like knock knock while we're in those times of anxiety, fear, shame, um, the darkenness, darkness of this world.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I I think that's so good. So last week's episode was actually on uh spiritual disciplines and kind of creating those rhythms because I think we have to be very intentional about that time. And I think the harder our ministry is at home, yeah, I think the more we actually need to be digging into those things when our tendency is when things are harder at home, we spend more time on the things at home.
SPEAKER_00:Sure, sure. We go in to fix it.
SPEAKER_01:Yep, yep. There was a pastor, um like a historical pastor, uh, that I heard quote one time that as his ministry got bigger, he increased his prayer time. So, like his prayer time was like six or seven hours in the morning by the time that his ministry and his exposure increased, because he needed it, he needed it more as his ministry grew. And so I think the same is true for us as foster and adopted parents, the harder our our daily struggle is, the more we need to be really focused in on those spiritual disciplines, things like fasting and prayer and solitude, which is very, very difficult. I think when you have a household full of people, um, but so, so crucial. That's one of the ones that I've been digging into lately. Um, solitude really is the practice of not having anything coming in.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, yeah. But you and God. For me, solitude is not listening to podcasts and audiobooks. Yes. It's not having the constant input and like content consumption that I am so tempted to want. Yes.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. I mean, and and that's hard because in our world, I think we're so used to that constant input. But it it has been really, really helpful for me to have those quiet moments with God. So, how have you seen the gospel impact your ministry at home with biological families, with your kids, even with um your biological, you know, children or you know, you and your husband and your marriage?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. Yeah. So there is the invitation to look uh past at the past of what Jesus did. The other thing the gospel offers is the invitation to look to the future of our heavenly hope. And so both of those things are what keep me going. It's looking to Jesus in my story, how he died for me, rescued me, and continues to rescue me daily. And then also remembering that this is not all there is. Yeah. Because if there is one thing that could really lead you to hopelessness, it is being surrounded by darkness and being convinced that darkness is winning, that brokenness is going to have the final word. And so remembering that Jesus has already had the final word, that right now we're living in the messy middle, in the already but not yet, that like this is something he already accomplished, and we are just waiting to see it play out. So when we are, you know, overwhelmed with sadness, looking to the day when God our Father will wipe away every tear. When we are overwhelmed with all that we're sacrificing and all that we're giving up, that we remember that all of this is passing away, but anything that is done for him lasts forever. There's the expression that you can be so heavenly minded that you're no earthly good. And I think it's just the opposite that when we are so heavenly minded, we become so earthly good because we just see, oh, this isn't all there is, that what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. So we fix our eyes on that. I think the gospel, it's what it purchased for us in the past and what it purchases for us uh today in our failure, and then in the future in heaven. It just changes the way we walk through hard and sad and broken.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I don't really understand why or how you do this without that. I know. I I don't understand, like I don't understand it. It doesn't make sense. So I have a child with some pretty extreme diagnoses. And and when it comes to earthly healing, like we've been told, like, hey, there's not a lot of hope there. So then what do you do with that without the hope of Jesus, without the victory that we know is coming? Right? Like, where do you go with that?
SPEAKER_00:Or saying goodbye to a child that you like, okay, every day is about their healing. It's about loving them and nurturing them and giving them healthy foods and wiping their nose, and then they're gone. Yeah. And you have no idea what's happening in their story, or maybe you do have an idea and it's even more frightening. Like, how can you be okay? Yeah, in the middle of that if you're not just stepping back again, that micro and the and the meta, stepping back and going, Oh God, you are a good and sovereign God who loves kids and I'm trusting the story you're writing, and and coming to him with our pleading.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. Well, and leaning into his grace, like knowing that he covers every single one of those moments, both for us in comfort and for the kids that are experiencing whatever they're experiencing, that he covers all of that. Um, having that knowledge, having that awareness, and having that experience, I think changes, changes everything. It allows us to continue to do the work that we do. Yeah, yeah. So I I have been to one of your filled events. That's actually where we met at Filled Together. And um I think that event was so blanketed in in the Lord's grace and in the encouragement of the gospel. Just every single person that spoke, every um family that was there was really mind on that big picture, right? And and so tell us a little bit about how those events came to be, right? And and how you encourage families to continue in this hard stuff.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, yeah. So I uh get to be at a lot of events like that. And, you know, I'm biased because I love Field and I love what our team has created. Um, but I think that at a lot of the events, what I felt like is, oh, I'm learning how to help my kids. I'm learning the practicals, I'm being better equipped and informed. Um, but then in the moment, you know, I'm doing all my TBRI tricks and I have all my calming strategies, and still I'm in a room with uh a little sinner and a big sinner. Yeah. And still, like, you know, I know the strategies, and even in the middle of trying them, my weakness is coming into play. And sometimes I don't even care about the stinking strategy. I'm just mad. David, you are messing up my parenting picture of who I'm supposed to be. And so I'm angry at you now. So, you know, best case scenario, I'm trying and I'm doing it in weakness. Worst case scenario, I'm not even trying because of how my sin is just at play here. So, what I really just felt like is yeah, parents need to be equipped. They absolutely need to be empowered to help their kids. And what they need most of all is gospel hope. What they need is, okay, when my strategies fail, what's there to catch me? Okay, when I can't even get out of bed in the morning to participate in my child's healing and all, like, what is it that is going to pull me up? It's gonna be grace, it's gonna be gospel hope. And so what we have as our primary focus is connection to God. Like, we just want to create these moments for busy people who are can be distracted and and have hard things pulling at them all the time, to just have space to be with God, to, to worship him, to hear really great gospel teaching, um, and then to have fellowship with other people who love him who can also encourage and bring hope. So filled is just a special time. I'm glad you got to be at Filled Together. It was the first time that we've invited husbands into this space. Um, and so we had like this this tertiary priority now of, you know, it's always been connection to God, connection to each other. Um, but we know that foster care and adoption, man, won't they come at your marriage? And won't Satan come at your marriage because you're doing something important for God. And so, how can we create space for connection there? How can we seek to bring protection there and teaching and gospel hope there as well?
SPEAKER_01:So yeah, it was an amazing thing to really see all of those couples come together and just worship together. I mean, knowing what they're walking through, knowing what they're walking through. I mean, and and you created a space where we kind of share um and to share where we are similar and going through similar events, and you you see people raise their hands at some of the things that they're experiencing, and then you see them stand up and worship God. And it was one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen, and so faith-building in that God is here, God is in these stories, God is working in these people that the gospel isn't just moving to provide hope for our kids, but it's providing hope for us, it's showing us who God is, it's showing us uh what. What the gospel truly does, not just for our kids, but but for us in the midst of it. It really was um, I mean, just just a beautiful, beautiful time, um, both for our marriage and and for us to really come to come together and be built up um in the gospel.
SPEAKER_00:So go ahead. Have you been been to Filled before? I have not. I'm registered this year. Oh, you are? Yay. Yeah. Okay. So I want to offer to any of your listeners um just a discount code, filledretreat.com. You can learn more. It's 1,200 women, foster adoptive kinship moms, um, enjoying everything we've talked about. And the code is foster parent well, and you'll get$20 off your registration. And you can meet Nicole there and me.
SPEAKER_01:Yay! Yay. I I am so excited about that. It really got me kind of like built up and and ready to attend in January. Like I'm really, really excited. We have a bunch of people from my church that are actually coming up together. Um, and and I'm excited about all of them getting to experience that as well because I think it's so, so important for us to have that foundation of the gospel as we move forward. Love it. Um, well, Jamie, thank you so much for being with us today. Thank you for all that you're doing for foster and adoptive parents to encourage them in the gospel and now in your children's book to encourage our kids and to give them the hope of as of the gospel as well. Um, I will put all of Jamie's links in the show notes if you want to find her and look up the Philge retreat. Um, I'll also put that discount code in there as well. Um, so thank you, Jamie. I appreciate your time today. Thank you, Nicole.
SPEAKER_00:It was really sweet just to share fellowship with you.
SPEAKER_01:Thank you so much for joining us for this conversation. I hope you walk away feeling a little more anchored, a little more seen, and a whole lot more reminded that the gospel really is our study place in all of this. Before you go, I've got a few quick things. First, if this episode encouraged you, would you take a minute to leave a review for the podcast? Second, don't forget to sign up for the filled retreat. You guys, you're gonna love it. If you're needing space to breathe, worship, connect with other moms, and refill your cup in the presence of the Lord, this retreat is for you. You can find all the details, including the discount code, and grab your spot through the link in the show notes. And one more fun thing: if you share this episode on Instagram and tag me at Nicole T. Barlow and tag Jamie at foster the family blog, you'll be entered to win a copy of her brand new book, God Loves Kids. I can't wait to see your posts and hear what part of the conversation hit home for you. All right, friends, let's pray. Father, we thank you for being a God who sees every corner of this calling, every joy, every blessing, every heartbreak, every long night, every heavy meeting, every moment that stretches us beyond ourselves. Thank you for the promise, God, that you are near to the brokenhearted and mighty in the lives of the children that we love. Lord, I pray that every person listening would feel your presence settling over them like peace, like strength in their weary places. God, that you would refresh their tired spirits. Remind them that they aren't carrying this alone. Your spirit goes before them, stands beside them, and hems them in behind. We lift up the children in our homes and communities, God, wrap them in your protection, speak truth over them, heal the places trauma has wounded. God, just bring restoration in the ways that only you can. And Father, for the foster and adoptive parents, caseworkers, caregivers, and family walking this road, pour out your fresh courage. God, give them hope and joy. Let them feel freedom and steadiness that comes from knowing your love is a love that never runs out, God. Root us deep in the gospel. Teach us to love the way that you love, sacrificially, generously, and with grace that outlasts the heart. And remind us, God, again and again that you are faithful. We trust you with our homes, Lord. We trust you with our families and the children that you've placed in our care. Lord, we love you and we trust you in Jesus' name. Amen.